How do you forgive when they just don't understand?

[nicholasmommy6]

First off let me say I have forgiven the one person that has done some very horrible things to me.... It was hard but at the end of the day i forgave for myself not him.

Still it is very difficult because he will never understand what he has done to me. He thinks that he said he is sorry and that should be good enough. I have no choice but to be around him because he is the father of my child.

He is very charming and good looking but when no one is looking he is very capable of being a monster. I have to chuckle because everyone thinks that he is such a great man. I think that is the hardest part for me, everyone thinking he is so great when he is just really not. It just burns me....

So how do you deal with that?

[Meredith]

Well, my gut says "get as far away from him as possible", but I don't know the whole situation.

[still_me]

I feel your pain. My dad was a closet monster. He was so sweet and charming and we seemed like the perfect family until we got home. I don't want to go into all of how our childhood was because I have found that it only rips scabs off.

I will say this: Once you are away from them, YOU have the power of how they continue to effect you. They no longer have a hold over you and once you realize that (and grasp to it) you'll start to find peace.

You should also know this: He might never see or understand the harm he caused.ever. Don't expect it from him and please for everything that is good and pure, don't hesitate to cut him out of your child's life if he abuses your dc.

[BoobySnacks]

I would tell the people who don't understand just exactly that..they do not understand and they have not lived in your shoes, nor were they married to him. If they think he is so great, they can try to live with them and see for themselves. People will start to realize once he has gone through several relationships. If they all are in love with believing what a charmer he is, there is nothing you can do about that. People often have to see for themselves.

[Earthmama]

:hug:

[ima062002]

I once was in a relationship that hurt me a lot. I wrote him a letter. I sent it too but that wasn't the point, i.e. I understood later that writing it, formulating it, re-reading what his actions did to me and ranting about them, spilling out all my hurt and anger is what helped me to get over it. I don't think that forgetting is possible, but forgiving is basically to let go. It's a process though.

If he is clueless of what he has done to you then that is his problem. You have a much clearer picture and that is what will let you go on and move beyond.

I agree that seeing as little of him as you can, given that he is the dad of your child, is the best idea right now. To give you some space.

Other people will understand what you do once they get close to him.

[JudyJudyJudy]

It sounds as though there isn't really anything you can do except not put the burden of forgiveness on yourself. Just deal with him because of your child, and other than that, go on with your life.