Without Crying it Out

[newmominct]

How can i get my 12 monther to go to sleep on his own in his crib without crying it out?
He's been bed sharing with us since birth, and we recently moved him into his crib (in our room) now we rock him to sleep and put him in his crib.
How can we teach him to fall asleep on his own without making him cry it out??

[newmominct]

I love rocking him to sleep don't get me wrong... I'm just curious if I can teach him to sleep on his own but have no prob rocking him to sleep ... like ... forever :)

[Tweet]

I say why fix it if it ain't broke. If it works for you, don't worry about it.

[newmominct]

I know... its totally not "broke" tweet and I cherish the time with him; watching his little eyes get heavy and eventually close and he falls asleep. He pulls on my earlobe as he drifts off <3
What if I cant rock him to sleep one night for one reason or another?
When I put him in his crib and walk away he freaks out. :(
I just wish I could teach him its okay to be in his crib by himself too...

[pawprint]

I'll probably get yelled at, but it really isn't all that unusual for a baby mammal to not want to sleep alone and while I don't think it's unreasonable to expect that of a one year old in our culture, I don't think it's really biologically normal either.

[newmominct]

I'll probably get yelled at, but it really isn't all that unusual for a baby mammal to not want to sleep alone and while I don't think it's unreasonable to expect that of a one year old in our culture, I don't think it's really biologically normal either.

So you think with time he'll be comfortable with falling asleep on his own.
People who criticize how I put him to sleep tell me he'll *NEVER* be able to sleep on his own if I continue doing what I do.
I know that it is ridiculous.

Its hard when everyone I know is telling me this but my mommy instincts tell me something else.
This is why I joined BFDC.... I know NO ONE irl who shares my parenting values

:(

[tifttu]

He really will learn to do it on his own, even if you don't teach him. Think about it, your 14yo is not going to be saying, "hey, mom, I need you to rock me to sleep now." DS never wanted to be rocked to sleep at night. He wanted to use his swing. His feet touched the ground, it barely moved, and I was sure it was going to colapse at any second, but it didn't and he eventually just didn't need it anymore. He was 3. Now he's 4.5 and he gets in bed on his own, we read his stories ,and he can lie there and go to sleep all by himself. It's a beautiful thing and it will come. Trust me, if DS can do it...anyone can!

[Tweet]

I like the book The No Cry Sleep Solution

[Tweet]

Oh, and I rocked my kids, rode with one in the car when she had colic, co slept (still do), and scratch a back every night. They did learn to sleep on their own. Sometimes they just prefer to go ahead and jump in our bed. Or sometimes they sleep w/ each other. I really,really don't worry about it. I feel that addressing their needs now will help them in the long run to be more self secure and confident.

[pawprint]

I replied on your other thread, but yes, I am sure he will learn on his own! Like anything else, when he is ready, he will do it.

I joke that I am the laziest mom alive. I never had to wean anyone, potty train anyone, or teach anyone to go to sleep on their own. When they were ready, they just did.

[MrsKitty]

So you think with time he'll be comfortable with falling asleep on his own.





Absolutely.

When we started cosleeping, I read alot about the eventual transition into a bed. The general consensus was that when you move a child from your bed into their own bed, before the child is ready, that you get the problems that everyone tells you about. The trauma and the fighting and the sleepless nights and all of that. However when you let them "wean" by themselves, there is none of that.

I was slightly unsure, but decided to go that route. We were planning on child led weaning from breastfeeding, and figured that we would also go "child led cosleeping". The reasoning behind it made sense. If you let the child leave your bed when they are ready, they will feel secure and will make that transition on their own, without any tears or disaster. Moving them before they are ready makes them feel insecure. It sounded logical, but like I said, I felt a little unsure.

I don't anymore! We never put any pressure on my son to leave our bed. He always knew that there was an option to sleep in his room, but we never pressured or pushed. One day I spent a bunch of time sprucing up his room to be this really cool playroom. He was amazed by it, and told us he would sleep there that night. We were shocked. This came out of no where. He didn't sleep with us that night, but the next night he went to his bed and slept through the whole night.

He was clearly ready. There has never been any fear of his own room, or trouble getting him to go in there. He also knows that he the option of sleeping with us whenever he needs too. He sleeps in his room by his own choice about 5-6 nights a week. The other night or so he will sleep with us. This is sometimes because his laundry is drying (peeing the bed) or sometimes because he fall asleep on the couch and we just bring him into our room.

It really reassured me that we were doing the right thing (for our family). He always has the option to become more independent, but it is never pushed, and he knows that if the independence comes to fast or feels like too much, he is welcome to take a step back and we will still be there for him (not just in breastfeeding or cosleeping, its how we approach everything).

I have a very independent and secure three year old, he is not clingy or whiny, he is okay spending the night at other peoples houses, we don't need to always carry him, night time isn't filled with tears, and I don't feel like he is constantly attached to me. He has always moved forward at his own pace, and once he gets there, he generally stays.

So.. yes. I am a huge advocate of doing what feels right to you.

If you feel comfortable with him in your bed, if he is not disturbing your sleep, if you are both enjoying it, and there is no feelings of resentment or wanting him out.. then go for it. I understand there are circumstances that might cause early weaning of the family bed, like a child that moves around so much that the parents just CAN'T sleep. But if you are happy, and your child is happy, I think you should just keep on doing what is obviously working for both of you. Don't worry about what others say. This is about you and your baby.

This time is so short too. I have heard comments from people about how they just couldn't breastfeed or cosleep or babywear or whatever past a year because its just such a loong time to be so committed to something.

One year, two years, four years, five years...

Compared to the span of an entire life, it's just seconds. Your babies will only sleep with you for so long. Once its done, its done. Enjoy it.

[MrsKitty]

I joke that I am the laziest mom alive. I never had to wean anyone, potty train anyone, or teach anyone to go to sleep on their own. When they were ready, they just did.

Right there with yah ;)

[HammBugga]

Yeah, he will do it. Who knows when, but it'll happen :)

[ima062002]

I like the book The No Cry Sleep Solution

This one or the one by Jay Gordon. You can check out his website too for more info on infant sleep.

I nursed mine to sleep and then after that didn't work anymore, I snuggled with them and now, at 5 and 7, I stay with them for about 5 min. each - give back rubs (and the 5 yo nurses for a second) and they either fall asleep then or shortly after I leave.

It takes time for babies to fall asleep on their own if you don't force the issue. I would lie if I said that there weren't days I resented that I had to stay in their bedrooms for 20, sometimes 30 min. but now, from where I stand, I can see that soon enough they won't LET ME hug and kiss and rock them, EVER again. So I relish this time with my youngest, who is 2.5 and never goes to sleep without either me or dh next to her for a good long while (10-15 min). I just started recently to limit my time with her (before that we'd have nights where this was drawn out to 30 min. or more); I feel that at her age she understands "ima needs to go now, I will come back a little later" and most nights she either falls asleep before that time has passed, or she accepts me leaving. On the other nights, dh goes in LOL since I am studying.

[pawprint]

Basically all that stuff Mrs Kitty said. We got the boys bunk beds and they were out like a shot, lol. Once in a while I will go in and sleep with them because I miss cosleeping now!

[newmominct]

Thanks everyone!
Inside my heart I knew I was already doing the right thing.
I never want to push my DS into doing things he doesn't want to do at one year old.
I always say this but I think you guys are the only people who think like I do when it comes to raising a child. I appreciate your opinions and stories!!!

[Jacksmommy]

My ds is 4, and I've always nursed him to sleep or cuddled him in some way until he fell asleep. He doesn't always choose to nurse anymore. Recently I was unable to be home at bedtime. It was the first time I was away. He put himself to bed and went to sleep on his own with no problem at all. I was pleasantly surprised to hear MIL tell me this. He also seemed perfectly fine the next morning when he woke up.
At 12 months, the only way my ds would have gone to sleep alone would have been crying. I wouldn't change what you're doing.

[pawprint]

Thanks everyone!
Inside my heart I knew I was already doing the right thing.
I never want to push my DS into doing things he doesn't want to do at one year old.
I always say this but I think you guys are the only people who think like I do when it comes to raising a child. I appreciate your opinions and stories!!!


Glad to help! I remember being the one with a little baby and being hassled by everyone.

[SingingMom]

My 4 year old transition to sleep all by himself, now. We didn't do anything. He's just ready for that.

Yesterday we realized we hadn't seen him for a few minutes. So after a tense few minutes, we found him asleep in bed. He got tired, decided he wanted a nap, and went to bed. Easy as pie.

[oomaumau04]

I know how you feel - I don't have people around me who share these views either. It can be hard with everyone pressuring you to do something you don't feel is right - but stick with it. You will NOT regret it!

I have a 21 month old who was terrible to get to sleep as an infant. I would have to nurse her and then rock for a long time before I could put her down. Even then, she would usually wake up after half an hour. We coslept at night, but I worked during the day, so that didn't work. She just took really short naps. Finally I stopped working, and was able to put her crib mattress on the floor in our room. I would lie down next to her until she fell asleep. We were both much happier this way, and as she got a little more comfortable, I started sitting next to her while she fell asleep on her own, then at the end of the bed, etc. Finally, one night, I was doing some rearranging in her room and asked if she wanted to sleep in there. She said, "Yes," so I tried it. I layed her down and left, and she fell asleep....she barely even talked! I was shocked, since she had NEVER fallen asleep on her own before. And she slept all night. Now she falls asleep on her own and sleeps until 5:30 or so. Then she comes into our room and nurses, falls back to sleep for an hour or two. We still get a little cosleeping and snuggle time, but she is growing independent on her own and couldn't be happier. :)