How do you let go???

[nicholasmommy6]

I have a beautiful 22 month old baby boy. His father was never really around until about a month and a half ago. His father spent a year away for him and prior to that he only saw our son a few hours a month.

He has start seeing our son much more for the past month and a half. It has been about 6-8 hours per week. Last night was the first time that he took our son out of my home and took our son back to his place. I was a school for most of the time but man it was really really hard. I have to admit I cried my eyes out.

I know my son needs his father and I would never ever prevent them from having a relationship. It is just so hard to let go of control when you have had it for so long. His father told me that he has a two bedroom place with a room all set up for our son and my heart just dropped onto the floor. He lives about 45 minutes away so I know that it will never be a spilt custody situation but the thought of our son spending a whole weekend there is devastating. My fear is that his father is going to push and push for overnights. My hope was not overnights until our little one is three. Our son is still breastfeeding 4-6 times a day and is really attached to it.

I just don't know what to do...My heart is breaking....What would you do?

[melissab]

I have been doing this for over 10yrs now and it just something you get use to. We have joint custody and he get's her every other weekend. We started doing the weekends when she was 6 months old, it was hard but it got easier.

What would I do, I would encourage the relationship and realize that he's eventually going to request the child over night. If you want to stop that then you need to see a lawyer and get custody and visitation established because keeping him from seeing his dad will not look good for you.

[nicholasmommy6]

I don't ever tell him he can not see our son. I know that would not do our son any good. I know our son needs to know his father! It is just plain hard!

[BoobySnacks]

My girlfriend went through this at the near the same age. Her ex lives in Sacramento and she lives in Bakersfield, a 4 hour drive. It nearly killed her to do the over-night thing, but she knew that it was best for her son. Her ex was an ass to her and gave her a really hard time, but she was able to work something out with him that she would spend the night with her son in the bedroom at her ex's house for the first few times he visits to help ease the trauma of 1) Being in a strange house and 2) Not being with her. After this, she spend the next couple of weekend visits at a friend's house near by just incase he needed her, that she could be a phone call away. After that, she left him for the weekend visits once per month. I don't know if this will work for you or your ex, but if he has any compassion, he will try to help make this work out too. Good luck and *hugs* for what you are going through.

PS..Now she is pretty comfortable with the once per month weekend stay and even has a date once in a while :)