Need help weaning

[mama_moo4]

Im really wanting to wean my son. he's nursing all night still and in the morning before we get out of bid. i think that if i wean him at night he will start sleeping though the night a little better. any advice?

[Jacksmommy]

This is what I recommend for night weaning http://www.drjaygordon.com/development/ap/sleep.asp- if your baby is at least 12 months old. I also have to tell you that night weaning does not mean necessarily that your baby will sleep through the night. Many will not. They'll just wake and have a harder time getting back to sleep. If your baby is teething, for example, he's still going to wake up. It looks like your baby is about 15 months old. You're most likely dealing with some teething issues. Do you give him Hyland's teething tablets before bed? Some moms find their babies need both teething tablets and motrin in order to be comfortable enough to sleep when cutting molars or eye-teeth.

[mama_moo4]

he has never slept 1 night though the night since he's been born. he aks up and cant put himself back to sleep so i have to nurse him or he'll cry. i wouldn't mind nursing him 1-3 times a day but i dont like that he's over a year old and im still nursing him 2-5 times a night.

[Jacksmommy]

I understand. My son never slept through the night before age 2, and he didn't do it consistently until he was 3. Some children just don't. Eventually they do - some just take longer. If you go the route of night weaning, I hope it works for you.

[vanfluff]

My little girl fed 3-4 times a night until a year when I finally bit the bullet and let her cry it out. It took two days and I have never looked back. She still has the occasional night feed when teething or sick and it's appropriate but it is not a habit any more and shs sleeps 7 -6 every night otherwise. For the first year it fed unbegrudgingly and happily in the night because it settled her back to sleep and took only 10 minutes out of my sleep each time but There was a moment as she approached 1 when it became clear that I was being used as a pacifier and even when I fed her she would not settle so it became pointless. I felt I wasn't doin gher or me any good and she had to learn to settle without me. I had been absolutely opposed to allowing her to cry through it but one night I was sick and just couldn't take it any more. We agreed that we would allow her 15 minutes to cry (advice was to establish what you could handle and we decided that 15 mins was our max, I had never left her for a minute even before!) then daddy would go in and lay her down, say "no more booby" and leave. It was harsh and we had to go to her 3 times the first night but the second time she woke that night it was for 10 minutes, then 4 then the next night we had one 14 minute session and that was it!!!
I don't think there is an easy way to do this but if you are ready to do it (and feeling as desperate as I was) this method is much much easier than you think it will be and it is worth it to have your evenings/nights back. It's right that it doesn't solve a sleep problem but it does help because it teaches the invaluable skill of self soothing and breaks a habit which has often been created by it just being easier to feed and settle than not .
Just my experience, I wish you lots of luck

[Shaunsmom]

My little girl fed 3-4 times a night until a year when I finally bit the bullet and let her cry it out. It took two days and I have never looked back. She still has the occasional night feed when teething or sick and it's appropriate but it is not a habit any more and shs sleeps 7 -6 every night otherwise. For the first year it fed unbegrudgingly and happily in the night because it settled her back to sleep and took only 10 minutes out of my sleep each time but There was a moment as she approached 1 when it became clear that I was being used as a pacifier and even when I fed her she would not settle so it became pointless. I felt I wasn't doin gher or me any good and she had to learn to settle without me. I had been absolutely opposed to allowing her to cry through it but one night I was sick and just couldn't take it any more. We agreed that we would allow her 15 minutes to cry (advice was to establish what you could handle and we decided that 15 mins was our max, I had never left her for a minute even before!) then daddy would go in and lay her down, say "no more booby" and leave. It was harsh and we had to go to her 3 times the first night but the second time she woke that night it was for 10 minutes, then 4 then the next night we had one 14 minute session and that was it!!!
I don't think there is an easy way to do this but if you are ready to do it (and feeling as desperate as I was) this method is much much easier than you think it will be and it is worth it to have your evenings/nights back. It's right that it doesn't solve a sleep problem but it does help because it teaches the invaluable skill of self soothing and breaks a habit which has often been created by it just being easier to feed and settle than not .
Just my experience, I wish you lots of luck

In my opinion only, CIO is not the approach I would use. I know it has worked for some people but for me, CIO is really not an option for me and my little one.

[vanfluff]

That's totally fair each to their own, as your quote indicates you are one for freedom of choice. I felt the same but my night feeding had created a child who could not sleep without it , I now feel it's a shame that more mums feel they can't try this option because it's so unpopular ,particularly among breastfeeding mums who often continue to the detirment of their own health/sanity because they feel such a strong connection to their children, when in fact is it can help them out of a hole and teach their children the essential skills needed to sleep. You do not have to deprive yourself of sleep to be a good mum. A child simply cannot stay locked to the boob all night as much as I would have loved to have the strength to have done that. As I say, my experience surprised me totally and had I not been sick I probably wouldn't have done it but I would not change a thing from the year of feeding Heidi completely on demand 5 times a day and at least 4 times a night to the path I have taken now and it has allowed me to continue breastfeeding happily into her second year as a happy mum with a happy baby who has benefitted greatly from a full nights sleep each night. As I say when she needs it she gets nighttime comfort and it's good but I also know that she is not waking up just becasue she needs a fix of boob. I think finding that out is invaluable - some babies don't sleep but some don't sleep for a reason. There are alternatives to COI to nightwean, this was just to give you our experience. It was a last resort but it does work.

[Shaunsmom]

That's totally fair each to their own, as your quote indicates you are one for freedom of choice. I felt the same but my night feeding had created a child who could not sleep without it , I now feel it's a shame that more mums feel they can't try this option because it's so unpopular ,particularly among breastfeeding mums who often continue to the detirment of their own health/sanity because they feel such a strong connection to their children, when in fact is it can help them out of a hole and teach their children the essential skills needed to sleep. You do not have to deprive yourself of sleep to be a good mum. A child simply cannot stay locked to the boob all night as much as I would have loved to have the strength to have done that. As I say, my experience surprised me totally and had I not been sick I probably wouldn't have done it but I would not change a thing from the year of feeding Heidi completely on demand 5 times a day and at least 4 times a night to the path I have taken now and it has allowed me to continue breastfeeding happily into her second year as a happy mum with a happy baby who has benefitted greatly from a full nights sleep each night. As I say when she needs it she gets nighttime comfort and it's good but I also know that she is not waking up just becasue she needs a fix of boob. I think finding that out is invaluable - some babies don't sleep but some don't sleep for a reason. There are alternatives to COI to nightwean, this was just to give you our experience. It was a last resort but it does work.

I know you didn't aim the bold right for me (or maybe you did). I love night time nursing. For me, it's part of bfing. I love and cherish bfing my now 25 month old daughter. She does not sleep thru the night without nursing at least once, especially lately.

I don't feel like I'm in a hole with bfing at all. Why do some moms like you assume that bfing is this great burden to others? Giving my DD her night time nursing is a comfort to her and that's what helps get her back to sleep. For me, that's a sign of an essential skill that we have so she can sleep.

I'm not trying to argue with you or be snarky. CIO is not for me and I wouldn't recommend it to anyone.

[Jacksmommy]

My son night nursed a great deal from about 9 - 18 months or so. Once he was done cutting teeth it slowed down quite a bit. By age 2 he was only nursing 2 or 3 times a night. By 3 it was a pretty rare thing for him to night nurse at all. I never considered CIO. I never considered meeting his needs to be any kind of burden. I was told by others that he would "always" need me to nurse him back to sleep if I didn't make him CIO. Not true. His needs changed gradually over time.

[vanfluff]

Hi Ladies, bold was not intentional at all! It was interesting to read you comments and I take my hat off to you both for continuing and never feeling it to be hard or a challenge.

I think it would be a strange type of forum if the only answer anyone gave to questions about night weaning was "carry on it's great" don't you agree? I think it's wonderful you both still love it but clearly if someone is thinking about night weaning there is no harm in admitting the sleep dep is difficult and that it is doable!

I have however reflected a little on that time when we moved Heidi towards sleeping on her own without night feeding and I think a little more clarity to answer mamamoo's question may be good

There was a clear time when H was about 10 months when her need for night feeding increased to almost two hourly and for a month I went to her as I always had, "on demand" without feeling it to be any hardship at all, I was adament that crying it out was not an option - I looked into the options for cutting down and tried them all - we had daddy to go to her, we rocked her, we moved a chair further from the door each night. It was very clear to me quite quickly that she did not need feeding but she was unable to go to sleep without it and having gone to her so quickly during her first year (I had never left her longer than a minute I realised) she could not settle alone.

Nearing a year she was feeding two hourly but it wasn't settling her and she became distressed and almost angry that it wasn't doing the job anymore and each time she left my breast even if she had nodded off she got distressed when we was put in the cot and demanded more.

My strong feeling as a mother and, only you will know mamamoo where you are on this, wsa that she needed to sleep and I needed to help her do it. It did not take long and for that reason I am sure I did the right thing and she was ready but that's just my experience.
I am not "recommending it" I am just sharing my experience as it seems to me that with the best will the the world, night feeding can be, at times quite challenging and hard.
Mama Moo I wish you luck, there's no easy way but I really hope one of the gentler methods works for you and your little one.

[crystal555rose]

I appreciate you sharing your experience vanfluff. I have seen other posters leave the site because they felt that their parenting choices were totally berated. You handled the comments with real poise!

I personally have not gotten to the point of allowing my son to CIO but I use a pacifier. I cannot stand non-nutritive sucking. Since he is not actively feeding the latch gets sloppy and starts to slip. My nip gets rubbed raw- ugh. I have been kicking my son off for non-nutritive sucking since very early on for my own sanity.

I agree with many previous points. My sons needs have never felt like a burden but I do recognize that my son's greatest need is a happy and healthy mom. Sometimes you have to sacrifice one thing to achieve another. The beauty of parenting!

[PghMom]

Vanfluff - I agree with you - a true forum should have many different points of view! I'm glad you felt comfortable enough to share your experience, knowing that many people here disagree with CIO.

My daughter is 6 months and sometimes sleeps through the night. I'm not sure she's outgrown the nutritional need to be fed at night, so I still go to her when I hear her. But, to be honest, I do give her 10 minutes to settle herself first. And guess what - she often does in only 2 or 3 minutes - and then sleeps straight through until morning! Don't get me wrong - I don't ignore big loud panic cries, but some mild whimpering for 10 minutes is sometimes just her way of soothing herself back to sleep. So instead of being up for 30+ minutes nursing, she is up for only 2 - 10 minutes. She greets me with a big smile every morning and I have no worries that I am traumatizing her. Even adults wake up several times per night - it's just that we know how to put ourselves back to sleep. I don't think there's anything wrong with letting a baby practice that skill - within reason.

Mamamoo- good luck, whatever you decide! You might want to check out several of the sleep books on the subject. I've found there are good ones, whatever your philosophy. "The No Cry Sleep Solution" is one, "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" is the one I like the most.

[vanfluff]

Thanks for support from those more open minded amongst you - can I just point out that I have never considered Heidi to be a burden to me but being up all night is hard. I feel offended actually that you seem to have put words into my mouth which have carried through the thread. What do mean "mom's like you" ? Who am I ? do you know me? What I said was that some people do find it hard and if you deny that then you are the wrong type of person to have on a forum whichi s supposed to support mums - just look athte threads on here "I need help weaning", "desperate to wean" etc - you are very judgemental shaunsmom and should be ashamed of yourself. I could just as easily say that you are giving your child an addiction to night feeding to support your own need to feed and because you can't handle the non-dependence of your child.
You do not know me and you have no right to judge me and I'm afraid that having reflected on this site I will be leaving for the simple reason I came here for help and to offer guidance to people and have found that it's the very last place I want to hang out.
Thanks to those more open minded among you hoipe you all enjoy agreeing with each other.

[StillSingingMom]

I don't think that there is anything wrong with night feeding. Vanfluff, I appreciate you sharing your experience and your viewpoint; however, it's okay if some of us simply don't agree with your viewpoint. I will happily support your sharing your experiences.

However, I don't think that nursing for "comfort" is a bad habit that should be broken for the good of the child. It's just a need, that's all. And yes, a child can learn to do without it. I just don't see why she should- unless there's an actual reason. Not simply "for the good of the child" or "she CAN learn to self-soothe, so she should".

I also am perfectly happy cosleeping, although I admit I'm glad that my nursling is mostly sleeping at night, and only nursing once a night.

I feel very glad that I decided to ignore the advice of my in-laws and continue to cosleep and night nurse. Although my little ones went through a stage of extreme stranger anxiety, and were impossible to leave in a daycare, they also have grown into the most outgoing, confident kids I've ever met. I was told by lots of people that I was fostering an unhealthy dependency. I was told that I was selfish and depriving my kids of the ability to develop independence and self soothe.

Well, I'm glad I did. Because ironically, they have become really independent in spite of me. Hmmmm...

Now, I don't think that using CIO techniques on a sufficiently mature baby is child abuse, or any such nonsense. But I encourage you to read some of those "desparate to wean" threads. Many of them are started by moms who are told they must wean to help their babies become independent. And many of those moms, when they find some support, say that they really aren't quite ready to wean, once they hear that they don't HAVE to.

And certainly it does babies no harm to skip the premature weaning!

Anyway, I hope you will continue to share your viewpoint. It certainly brings more depth to our community.

[Ghanshyam]

I Think its too easy and you also take it light and increase your confidence because without it you can't done.

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