sleep, breastfeeding, work

[cctaylor]

my husband wants to take some of the responsibility of waking up at night to feed the baby, but he won't get up anytime after 2 since he has to wake up at 430 to get ready for work. so he proposed if the baby wakes up anytime before 2, he'll bottle feed her breastmilk. and if she wakes up after 2, i feed her. oh, and i get up at 5 to get ready for work.

my question is:
who gets up in the night to feed the baby?
how do you make it "fair" so that both of you get enough sleep?

[stys82]

My husband and I both work. When my son was waking in the night, I would always get up to feed him, however my husband was the one to get him from his co-sleeper, change him and hand him to me and when I was done I would put baby back to bed (I never left the bed). Then on weekends, we took turns with allowing the other to sleep in (If it was my turn I would feed DS when he woke up, than DH would take him to the living room and I would go back to sleep for a few hours). This worked well for the both of us, as I would rather nurse at night then have to give DS another bottle (he gets plenty at daycare) and DH and I spent very little time awake at night except for the few occasions where DS thought it was playtime at 3am!

Alot of the ladies here have Family beds. My husband was opposed so we compromised on the co-sleeper which is nice because DS sleeps right next to me, but when DS was waking about an hour before we had to get up in the morning, we agreed to let him fall asleep in the bed after nursing (side lying position) since we had to get him up so soon anyways...this helped alot!

[whitnessforhim]

My husband proposed the same deal. It never worked out for us. He's a heavy sleeper and I'd just have to wake him up to take care of the baby. The effort it took to wake him up just ended up waking me up in the process. So we decided that co-sleeping was best for us. That way when baby woke (which was mostly to nurse anyway) I would pop her on and fall back asleep. If it was a diaper change I'd make him get up and go get the diaper, I'd change her and then make him throw the diaper out.

Honestly, it sucks being the main care giver at night but realistically I don't see any other way. If I let him bottle feed her then I'd just have to pump extra to make up for the feeding she missed at the breast. Thats why co-sleeping just worked out better for us.

[Candi]

My husband proposed the same deal. It never worked out for us. He's a heavy sleeper and I'd just have to wake him up to take care of the baby. The effort it took to wake him up just ended up waking me up in the process. So we decided that co-sleeping was best for us. That way when baby woke (which was mostly to nurse anyway) I would pop her on and fall back asleep. If it was a diaper change I'd make him get up and go get the diaper, I'd change her and then make him throw the diaper out.

Honestly, it sucks being the main care giver at night but realistically I don't see any other way. If I let him bottle feed her then I'd just have to pump extra to make up for the feeding she missed at the breast. Thats why co-sleeping just worked out better for us.


My DH is just like that too! LOL Anyway it really is easier for me to just do it. She sleeps in a bassinett next to me, and then I put her in bed to feed her, then back to the bassinet. Soon she will need to go into her own crib, but she will probably still end up in bed with us. And just feeding her is easier than pumping too. We also both work and get up at 5.

[cctaylor]

my lo is currently sleeping in her own room in the crib. she out grew the bassinett. my husband refuses to let her sleep in the bed with us or to move the crib in our room (there's just simply no room). sometimes i wake up before she does at night to pump. i usually make and leave a bottle out after pumping. one these nights, i'd love for my husband to get up and walk to the other room and feed her. but then sometimes she wakes up before i even get a chance to pump. for consistency, i just figure i just deal with night feedings, but i lose sleep. i guess life isn't always fair...

[whitnessforhim]

I'm sorry your are having a hard time with this. Sometimes I don't think men truly realize how much it takes out of a mother to get up to nurse or pump in the middle of the night. Pumping is hell and nursing is work if you have to get out of bed to do it.

First let me say that I have a really strong and happy marriage...however, if it came between more rest for me and meeting DH's wishes...I'd chose more rest. Even if that meant co-sleeping with my child in the other room while DH slept in our bed.

I am very glad that my husband strongly supports co-sleeping. DD is 21mo. and still nurses several times a night. I couldn't imagine the zombie I would be at work if I couldn't co-sleep. I really hope things get easier for you!

[BaileyandMarleysMom]

Not to sound pessimistic or anything...but my DH has proposed to "help" me at night too. I always end up doing most of the caretaking, at night and otherwise. I've never quite figured out how he has figured that he is "helping" me, since our babies are our equal responsibility, in my eyes anyway. The way I see it, if he's helping me, then he's helping himself. He's not doing me any favors!

My twins are 10 months old now and within the last few weeks we've just been co-sleeping in the best interest of both of us. Walking back and forth through the night to tend to them was too exhausting and though DH always offered to "help", it ended up that I would deal with them because he would sleep through a train wreck anyway.

[melissa216w]

I never bothered my husband, even on his nights off (midnight shift). I just continued to co-sleep. We all got the most sleep while doing this with our second son. Now that we have a newborn again, I don't even bother trying to put him back in his bassinett to sleep - I just keep him in bed with us. When working fulltime and being away from my children all day, it's nice to fall asleep next to my baby and nurse during the night.