little nocturnal visitor

[Jmom1010]

Hi All,

I'm writing because my 3 1/2 yr old son is coming into bed with us almost every night now. It used to only be occassional. I don't mind when it is close to morning, but when he comes into our room in the middle of the night I can't get back to sleep. He likes to snuggle close and I like my space, plus it is so hot here. He won't say why he's coming and does not seem to be scared or upset in anyway. Is this a normal behavior for a 3 yr old? He's in a toddler bed. We never really co-slept with him as a baby unless he was sick and sometimes when I was home with him on maternity leave for naps. Any suggestions to gently urge him back into his own bed? He's about to get a big boy bed for his 4th bday in Oct.

~Karen

[tifttu]

My 4yr old goes through phases of doing this. We keep a mattress on the floor in our room and he will just come in and flop down in it. Sometimes he'll come in the "big bed," but not usually. I don't know if you have room for something like that set up or not. I'm sure if I got my lazy rump out of bed, he'd walk with me back to his room because, like you said, he's not upset about anything, but I just haven't been motivated enough to do it.

Ok, that probably didn't help much, but at least you know you're not alone ;)

[crystal555rose]

I think tifftu made a great suggestion- having a little mat in your room could make everyone more comfortable and also meet his need to come and find you at night. My philosophy: I can't explain all my son's behaviors but I am not going to get in a power struggle or let him cry his eyes out for something that is not dangerous or life threatening.

I am sure his phase will pass and just when you think you have your privacy back for good, he will show up again!

[Nipple_nectar]

My DD1 has been doing this ever since we set her up in a toddler bed, shortly after three. She will be turning six this winter and sleeps with us every night. We start out in her bed most nights and she will wake within a few hours and walk to our bed.

She slept in her crib as a baby but in the last three years, I can count on one hand, the amount of times she has slept alone.

I couldn't tell you why. It's not because she is afraid of being alone because she has a little sis fast asleep, in a crib, in her room!

[StillSingingMom]

I don't know why, either. My four year old is insisting on sleeping with us- we DID cosleep, are cosleeping- but we had moved a toddler bed into our room for him.

He has been sleeping in it perfectly happily. But lately, in the middle of the night, he comes to the foot of my bed and say "Mom, can I snuggle?"

What am I going to say? "No, kid, get lost, I'm sleeping here!" So he gets in and lays down, and sometimes he gets up after a while and says "Thanks, mom, I'm all done snuggling" and gets back in his bed. Sometimes he spends the whole night.

Now, I'd RATHER he spent the night in his own bed. In fact, I'd rather move him into the next room. But I don't care enough to do anything about it in the middle of the night.

My older kids were the same way, but they were too timid to actually come in my room. (We adopted them at 2 and 3; they were afraid to make a peep at night.) But they were unhappy at night, too.

Eventually we stopped fighting it. From my perspective now, it looks like there is just some need there.

[sweetkisses]

My almost 3 1/2 year does this too. It is not an every night thing but probably at least 4 nights out of the week. I'm with you, we don't mind if it is early in the morning, after 4pm or so but sometimes she comes in much earlier.

What do we do....well, it depends on the night. Sometimes one of us will take her back to her room and lay down with her until she falls asleep. Other nights, when we don't feel like getting out of bed we just let her sleep the rest of the night with us.

And I will admit, lately (b/c I'm pregnant and sleeping as become more uncomfortable, especially when a toddler gets in bed with me) we have offered her a treat the next day when she stays all night in bed. It may not be the best thing to do but it has helped.

[Jmom1010]

I wish we had room to put a mattress on the floor but we barely have room in our room for our bed. I probably could walk him back to his bed but then he may have a fit and I'm not one for causing fits in the middle of the night. So we just let him stay. I guess this is something that we may be dealing with for the long haul.

[Jacksmommy]

It's very normal behavior. Jack is 4, and the minute his eyes open he searches for either me or dh if he wakes up in the night. It's almost a reflex.