When you ask another couple to join you for dinner...

[Tiffers]

is it most commonly taken that each couple would be paying for their own food?

I want to invite a fellow teacher and her husband out to dinner to chat and meet each others' husbands and stuff. I can't, however, afford to pick up their tab.

So if I asked them, do you think they would think since we're inviting them that we're going to pay for it too?

[pawprint]

I doubt they would think you'd be paying. I wouldn't.

[Justicedog]

I would think if it's phrased, hey, would you and your dh like to meet us at XYZ for dinner, it should be dutch treat. I don't know what Ms. Manners says though.

[minxs]

I think if you phrase it as "join ME for dinner" it could be conceived by some people as an invitation for a dinner (i.e. you are paying). I would phrase it there is little room for misunderstanding in a nice and friendly way (something as "would you like to help arrange a get together where we can meet the other teachers/spouses.)

[QuiltyConscience]

I don't assume someone is paying for dinner if they invite us out to meet someplace.

Pretty much what JD said.

[Annalise]

Most people would not assume you're offering to pay but it's possible. My husband and I were out shopping once and ran into another couple that we knew. We were just getting ready to eat dinner at this fairly nice Mexican restaurant and said, "Hey why don't you two join us for dinner, it would be good to catch up." My husband said separate checks right when we ordered and they knew but at the end of the meal they gave us their check as well and offered to pay the tip on it. It was really awkward but we paid for their dinner too. You just never know how people will take something unless you're crystal clear with your intentions. We thought we were but apparently not.

[HammBugga]

Why not invite them to your place? It would cost less to make a whole meal for all of you than it would to just buy dinner for you and your SO.

[StillSingingMom]

I know what Miss Manners would say...

If you issue an invitation, the etiquette is that you will be hosting. If you know someone well enough that you feel comfortable discussing financial limitations, then you should be comfortable mentioning that you'd like to go somewhere that is too pricey for you to treat.

From an etiquette standpoint, if you issue an invitation to a place where you can't afford to host, then what you are communicating to your guest is that it is more important to you to have the nice dinner than to host. You could, after all, host in your home, or head to McDonald's together. Or you could meet for coffee, or just go for dessert somewhere.

My best friend tells me that in her native country, it is common to invite people over for dessert, which creates a relaxed, informal atmosphere that is not a big burden on the hostess. And it is cheap.

[MrsKitty]

I would never assume someone was paying for me unless it was my parents.

[JudyJudyJudy]

I would think if it's phrased, hey, would you and your dh like to meet us at XYZ for dinner, it should be dutch treat. I don't know what Ms. Manners says though.
I agree with this, and I couldn't care less what Ms. Manners says.

[Candi]

I would never assume someone was paying for me unless it was my parents.


Haha, me too.

[newbie]

I never expect someone else to pay when invited out to eat.

[crystal555rose]

Even if someone wanted to pay for us I would not allow it. Too weird. I would also feel obligated to take them out and pay for it. You can make it clear as previous posts have made me realize that people may expect you to pay. Weird!!

[AlrightyRoo]

It wouldn't occur to me that someone would pay for our meal. How strange.

[Justicedog]

I do like the idea of inviting them out for desserts. I think then if there is a misunderstanding, it could be afforded without too much hardship and then you'll know not to invite them out again. If they assume dutch treat, as I think would be normal, then you'll know you can invite for dinner out next time. :)

(Are I being derogatory to those from Holland?)

[Marcia]

Depends on how it's phrased. Unless my friend specifically said "I'd like to take you out for dinner" then I'd assume pretty much any other phrasing ("would you like to join us" "would you like to meet us") would mean each pays for their own.

[Marcia]

I do like the idea of inviting them out for desserts. I think then if there is a misunderstanding, it could be afforded without too much hardship and then you'll know not to invite them out again. If they assume dutch treat, as I think would be normal, then you'll know you can invite for dinner out next time. :)

(Are I being derogatory to those from Holland?)

I agree that this is a good idea.

[Sassafras]

I think the dessert idea is perfect also. It doesn't look like it is common place but if I invite someone out to dinner, I expect to pay unless in the end they offer to pay for themselves.