Anorexia.. Need advice.

[Joyto5]

Hi Gals. Haven't been around but this is the only board I've been on that I saw some posts about eating disorders. Can you help me or know where to go to get help?

Background: I have a 13 year old daughter that I've been worried about. The last little while she's been eating very little. We try to help her eat but lately she's obsessing over her body image and says her stomach is fat. She is Very VERY thin. I took her to the Dr for a "Check-up" with the other 5 kids. Her body has been trying to start her cycle now for over a year (Yellow discharge) but she's not started yet. I started in 6th grade. She's in 8th. The Dr. was concerned and wanted me to add more protein to her diet. So I did.

This brings me to tonight. A conversation we were having as a family. She mentioned how she's been thinking alot about eating less to make her belly go away. Also, thinking how it would feel to not eat at all for 1 day or even 3 days. This sent up red flags!! I've never dealt with anything like this. I don't even know where to turn.

I apologize if I've offended anyone by asking but any advice would be helpful. TIA

[tata]

I have no experience with this. I would strongly recommend finding someone equipped to help your daughter through this time. Best wishes to you both.

[Nipple_nectar]

{{{Hugs}}} to you for trying to find answers, I wish you strength & courage on this journey, you will need it.

I don't have any experience with eating disorders but I have struggled with morbid obesity all of my life. My first sign up at an organized weight loss group was at the age of twelve so I have BTDT with self esteem and poor self image issues.

Help her. Give her some hope and faith that she has control over it, Rather than obsessing over whether she actually is fat or not, help her to feel empowered that she is doing something about it. Talk about healthy food choices, help her educate herself on the importance of maintaining proper nutrition.

Develop a food plan that includes snacks and small meals that will not offend her healthy lifestyle like apple wedges with peanut butter or fresh spinach with slivered almonds.

Maybe she needs a wardrobe "pick me up", is it possible to take her shopping for some new, pleasing outfits? I she allowed perfume or make up? Maybe some new accessories? My mom never did any of that with me, I wish she had.

[ima062002]

What does it mean to her to have a flat belly? What about her belly doesn't she like? I think I'd ask her these questions in an open discussion about being worried about her. I would not come from an angle of wanting to "fix" her thinking, but from trying to understand what is going on. Maybe someone made a mean comment to her and it's getting out of hand like this.

I probably would bring anorexia up and ask her if she knows about the disorder. FWIW, I got my cycles at 15. Just because you did early doesn't mean she needs to as well. How much does she weigh? Has she dropped in percentiles? What was the doc concerned about? If he wants her to eat more protein it doesn't sound like weight concerns (protein makes you develop muscles, but doesn't pack on weight like carbs).

Btw - has she seen the Dove film about beauty? It's not so much about the body, more the face but it shows that what we see doesn't exist. It might be something interesting to watch together and use as a lead in for a discussion about beauty/weight http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iYhCn0jf46U

[Tweet]

I don't have a lot of experience with this,but if it were my child, I'd be wanting to get professional help ASAP. I'd probably start with asking my pediatrician for a referral for someone who specializes in eating disorders and/or a clinic. This is really not something you are equipped to shoulder alone,imo,nor should you have to. There is help and there is hope. But I do think it needs to be handled in a professional setting as well.

good luck! This is a great fear of mine,too.

[irisheyes81]

While a shopping trip would probably be a fun time together, I do not know if it will really help the issue. I think talking to her about healthy body image, what is not healthy, ways to maintain a slim figure while eating a healthy diet, adding a healthy amount of exercise into her lifestyle, etc. would be a good start. Maybe have her talk to someone you know who lives a very healthy lifestyle and who will have a big influence on her (outside of your household). If that does not work, though, I would consider counseling or maybe a group for girls with body image issues.

[JudyJudyJudy]

Her not starting her period, in and of itself, wouldn't be a concern to me. She is still within the normal range.

However, the other issues would concern me. How thin is "very thin"? How tall is she, and how much does she weigh?

[boys4us]

I agree with Tweet. Counselors at her school may be able to refer you to someone as well.

Best wishes!

[busy_i_am2007]

I became anorexic after having my 3rd baby. I would only eat a few crackers a day. I was obessed with the way my tummy looked, even though I didn't have a stomach. I was exercising constantly, especially after I would eat the crackers or if I did any any other food.

Looking back now I can see I was skinny then. I still struggle everyday with eating, but it's not like it was back when I was anorexic. I would definately talk to your doctor about your daughter and let them know what she said about eating.

[still_me]

:hug: I don't have any BTDT, but I will keep you all in my thoughts and prayers. I really agree that outside help would be good.

[HammBugga]

I'm sorry :( It is good that you are paying attention enough to be worried. I would recommend getting her in to see a psychiatrist and a nutritionist.

[still_me]

I was thinking more about this. Is there someone she admires that is "fit" by doing it a healthy way?

I don't know how it could be approached, but is there some way or someone who could talk to her, about how making your body strong (by exercise/eating healthy) is a powerful thing, and will help her feel pride in her body.

[KatieLou]

(((hugs))) I am sorry.

IA with the others that I think it would be wise to bring in some outside help.

[Joyto5]

Thank you to everyone that's replied with :hug: and advice. To answer a few of the questions. She's 4 feet 9 inches (4.92 percent). 66 lbs (0.35 Percent) BMI is 14.03 (0.47 percent) She could place both wrists in her hand and encircle both, together, between her thumb and middle finger. She can encircle her bicep with her thumb and pinkie. Her legs aren't much better.

She's always tired and sleeps from 10:00 P.M. till 3:00 in the afternoon, If I let her.

We sat down for Breakfast this morning to talk about our conversation last night and told her I was concerned. I asked her if she knew what Anorexia was and she let me know they learned about it in School last year. We talked about self image, healthy lifestyles, healthy eating choices and different body shapes.

It brought up some other questions about waste. She told me that she has to go to the bathroom 10 min after eating anything. Which brought up my own questions and concerns. Maybe there is something else going on? Digestive, emotional... something. When I took her in to the Dr with the other kids, I tried to talk to him about it but he kind of shrugged it off, told me to give her more protein and left it at that. I don't know if it's normal to have to go right after eating.....

She asked me if it was alright if she weighed herself every day to see what she weighed. I told her was can make a journal for her and weigh in once a week. Make it a daily goal each day to make healthy food choices and portions and write it down so we can see about progress.

Here is a little more history. She suffers from Migraines whens he doesn't get enough water in during the day. When she was younger, Potty training age, she refused to go and would hold it till she couldn't hold it anymore. She ended up getting Recurring UTI's and bladder infections. I took her into Primary Children's Hospital when she was 8 because she had no bladder control along with the UTI's. Her bladder was stretched so much it could hold approx the same amount at 2 1/3 cans of soda. She was on a low dose of Antibiotics, a stool softener and Detrol for bladder spasms for 8 months. Not sure if any of that could have cause what we are dealing with now.

I am still going to call the Dr. and see about getting some blood tests and answers.

(Best run and get my Kindergartner from the bus)

[still_me]

Joy, I would get another doctor's opinion. Whether your Dr. now agrees with you or not, he should take more time than saying 'give her more protein' and leaving it at that. I hope that you both get the support and answers that you need. A bright light in your post is that she is talking to you. That is a good thing.

[HammBugga]

Get a second opinion NOW. Her BMI is extremely unhealthy and her heart could already be damaged. Please call around and get her seen by another Dr. ASAP.

[busy_i_am2007]

Get a second opinion NOW. Her BMI is extremely unhealthy and her heart could already be damaged. Please call around and get her seen by another Dr. ASAP.

I agree with this.

[Joyto5]

Joy, I would get another doctor's opinion. Whether your Dr. now agrees with you or not, he should take more time than saying 'give her more protein' and leaving it at that. I hope that you both get the support and answers that you need. A bright light in your post is that she is talking to you. That is a good thing.

Yes. I also see that as a major blessing that I have that kind of door opened with her.


Get a second opinion NOW. Her BMI is extremely unhealthy and her heart could already be damaged. Please call around and get her seen by another Dr. ASAP.

I made an appointment with our Old Ped for this Thursday at 3:30. He was great at helping me get My oldest son diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome. Really listened to me when it came to that! Unfortunately, He refuses to see my baby because I refuse to give her any shots, yet. With our History of Aspergers, (My Father and Oldest brother and now oldest son) I don't want to take any chances.

Thank you! I'll keep everyone updated. I knew I could find support here!

[irisheyes81]

That is really awesome that you two have such open communication! I am glad you were able to discuss it with her. I agree that a second opinion is necessary.

[EvilAmy]

It's really really good that you guys are able to communicate. It's really good you've noticed these red flags, migraines can also be caused by by not eating. BMI of 14% is too low. Going to the bathroom 10 minutes after eating could be another red flag. You need to try and track down a Dr that has experience in eating disorders. Just giving her more protein is not going to be of much help. When we went through MIL's hunger strike (and bed sores) we were advised to focus on a whole spectrum of healthy foods (balanced meals) so the body would function/heal itself. You mentioned Primary Children's so I take it you're in Utah too? I would might consider calling some of the Anorexia treatment centers here and asking them to point you to a good Dr you could go see and address your concerns.

[JudyJudyJudy]

I'm glad you have an appointment with another doctor. These issues definitely should be addressed.

Do you think she is going to the bathroom to make herself throw up? If not, then I would have her tested for celiac disease, food allergies, and thyroid disease.

[smoochy12]

Joy, I would get another doctor's opinion. Whether your Dr. now agrees with you or not, he should take more time than saying 'give her more protein' and leaving it at that. I hope that you both get the support and answers that you need. A bright light in your post is that she is talking to you. That is a good thing.


i agree here...you need another opinion. mother's instincts go a long way for me. you are the one who knows your daughter best :)

and professional outside help is really the best way to make sure you are using proper tools to go along with your instincts :)

i'm so sorry you have to deal with this. it is one of my deepest fears as well, that i will not be able to help my girls foster a strong love of their own body and image. i struggle daily with it myself. we have a lot of work to do, both in society and in my own very personal life :) sigh.

many hugs as you navigate this...

[pawprint]

Red flags the size of Texas all over the place here. I know a great deal about ED because I've had several close friend who were anorexic, buliemic, or both. I'd have my own struggles as well. SHe needs an ED professional. Yesterday.

[Joyto5]

I'm glad you have an appointment with another doctor. These issues definitely should be addressed.

Do you think she is going to the bathroom to make herself throw up? If not, then I would have her tested for celiac disease, food allergies, and thyroid disease.

She does throw up but only when a bad migraine hits. They get bad enough to make her throw up twice a month. I have a SIL with children that have Celiac disease. Her ex-husbands side. Don't have anyone other relatives with it. I will be asking for a full blood work-up and ask to specifically check for Thyroid, Food Allergies, parasites (Not sure they can find these), and Celiac.
Is there anything Else I should be asking about? I need to leave the house in 2 hours so anything from here on out anyone posts I will write down.

My husband and I have been working with this the best way we knew how without blowing it all out of proportion. I think it may be worse then we realized. She knows we are going into the Dr today and seems alright with the idea. My husband is home, Thankfully and can take care of all the kids. so it will only be myself and my oldest Daughter.

Thank you again for all your help and support!

[JudyJudyJudy]

I hope the appointment goes well.

I'm sitting here trying to think of triggers of migraines. Migraines are common with celiac disease and mold allergies, but they're also triggered by such things as aspartame, exposure to chemicals, yellow 5, etc.

[Joyto5]

Ohh.. And I'm not opposed to Natural routes! Pretty much prefer them! Even if we do come up with some direction, I also have a Kinesiologist, Zoneologiest, Body Electronics Tech and a SIL who's a Nutritionist I can tap into! They are great at tracking down Food allergies.

A few years ago we tracked down some of her Migraines were triggered after eating a lot of High Fructose Corn Syrup (Popsicles, Yogo Yogurt, Fruit snacks.. And more... she ate at a friend's house. Came down with a Loo loo of a migraine!)

[JudyJudyJudy]

I think high fructose corn syrup is evil. It'll probably be years before we know just how evil (much like with trans fats).

[cc1003]

How did the appt go?

[Babyblue]

when my younger sister was between the ages of 4-13 she had severe migraines from caffeine.

[oomaumau04]

Hope the appt goes well. I'm glad you can go alone with her. I think she needs the personal attention right now. Good luck on the road ahead, I know it isn't easy. *hugs*

[ima062002]

She's always tired and sleeps from 10:00 P.M. till 3:00 in the afternoon, If I let her.

It brought up some other questions about waste. She told me that she has to go to the bathroom 10 min after eating anything.

She asked me if it was alright if she weighed herself every day to see what she weighed.

Could she be anemic?

I would definitely rule out anything medical here, i.e. get her to a specialist as opposed to go to the pedi who doesn't seem to be concerned.

The bit about the daily weighing, doesn't sound like a good idea to me. IMO it shows that she is too concerned about weight. I think it's a nice thing to do if you are on a diet or try to put on weight to see progress and as a motivator, but for a healthy young girl; it's not something that should be on their radar.

[leosmommy]

I worked with children with eating disorders at my old work. I did not treat them myself, but they were residents where I worked. One thing we were told was to not constantly nag them or talk about food. It only made it worse, get her some professional help and follow thier recommendations.
Hope things look up soon.

[Joyto5]

Sorry about not getting back sooner.

It's has been a fiasco!! Took her to our old Ped and turns out they don't take our new insurance. Canceled the appointment.

Made an appointment with a Natural Dr. She is anemic and malnourished. Since her intestines were inflamed (Having to go very soon after eating) he decided to check for Parasites. DING DING DING!

We have a her on a parasite cleanse, Meal replacement with extra Iron to help build her blood and a Good Pro-biotic. The last 2 days have been wonderful! She's got her appetite back, sleeping better, not as cranky and not sleeping the whole day away!

We are still talking about healthy eating habits and body image as a family.. (I have 6 kids. 3 boys 3 girls) best start early and get everyone on the same page!

The Dr. even had a talk with her about her remembering to take her meds and changing her eating habits. She's been eating like a bird for so long it's now habit. It's so nice seeing her eat more then her 5 year old sister!

We are taking her back for a check-up in a month for a follow up to make sure she's still doing well.

Thank you everyone for all the support. I'm still on edge about some of the things she said.. But after talking more with her, she's said she only wants to look more like the girls at school. They have breasts and curves. (She says she thinks the breasts make them look thiner) I told her if she gets the nutrition her body needs, she will develope normally. Not necessarily just like them, because we all have different body shapes. She's seeming to understand.

Being a parent is not an easy job, but so well worth it!

[still_me]

I am so glad that they were able to help her!

I would still try and help her in whatever way possible to see positive views on health.

[JudyJudyJudy]

Thanks for the update. I hope things continue to go well. :)

[oomaumau04]

It's so great that she is doing better!! Sounds like you found a good dr. :)