Missing money, WDYT?

[luckymom82]

This past Saturday, my mom and I threw my younger brother and his GF a baby shower. My dad was supposed to leave on Monday for an out-of-town job. The guy who hired him had given about $2,000 for materials. On Sunday, my dad discovered that the money was missing. There is one person we suspect took the money, my cousin's 11 yr. old DD. She spent almost the entire baby shower in the room where the money was and she has a history of stealing. Her other cousin, who is about 5 yrs. old is telling their grandma stories of what happened.

The 5 yr. old is saying that they (who "they" are, I'm not entirely sure) were digging around the room, in Grandpa's blue bag (where the money was), in his red box and in the drawers. The girls-my DD's, the 5 yr. old, and the one we think took the money, were all in the room playing with a makeover program on the computer. We didn't think anything of it b/c they've been in the room before with no incidences. Had we known the money was in there, the little girls would NOT have been allowed in there.

We've got no proof that she took the money and she's swearing up and down that she doesn't have it. I've witnessed this girl break my DD's toys, she likes to snoop through people's things, I've caught her stealing band-aids from our medicine cabinet, and we know she's taken hidden chocolate bars from our home. Other family members have countless stories of her stealing and everybody knows to keep an extra close eye on her (except us, apparently) b/c she can and will steal whatever she can get her hands on. However, some of them tend to turn a blind eye to it and seem to brush it off.

Now, assuming this girl did take the money, what can we do? What should we do? Thoughts, advice and suggestions are very welcome.

[Nipple_nectar]

I have lived with habitual liars that will steal your teeth while you sleep. Your first mistake was confronting her about it, now she will be extremely careful about keeping it hidden and spending it.

You need to do a room search where she lives. Any chance her guardian would cooperate and allow you to search the premises while she is at school? If she is smart, she wouldn't carry it back and forth from school but she may have it on her, does she carry a purse?

After a extremely through search, if you don't find it, you need to search her belongings and her coat, ect. when she arrives.

You need to be thorough and look for broken seams in the mattress, loose floorboards, look under carpeting, window sills, Do you think you can do that?

What is the possibility that she is stashing it with someone else?

[Nipple_nectar]

If you do find it, I would consider calling the cops and filing a report. Do not remove it from where you find it, leave it undisturbed in an effort to preserve the scene for possible evidence collection.

Two thousand dollars is alot of money and I have pressed charges on teenagers for alot less.

[Jonquil]

Damn, that's a lot of money. Will your dad be able to replace it if it isn't found?

[luckymom82]

Very little chance her grandma would allow us to search their home for it. They are a bit on the defensive side about this situation which I can understand to an extent. They have suggested that my DD's might have it. Also, as I have said, they tend to turn a blind eye to her stealing and shrug it off. It's not far from our minds that they might even keep some if not all of the money if they find it.

We've searched our home for any place it could be. We've considered filing a police report but I don't know how much good that will do. My dad is against that however, b/c he doesn't want to sever ties w/my uncle. They're very close.

As for replacing the money, this is the first job they've had for a few months and it's been pretty tight. My dad is pretty much screwed out of the money.

[JustMoi]

Call the police anyway and say you are reasonably certain she took it. Maybe THEY can search her room.

[luckymom82]

Call the police anyway and say you are reasonably certain she took it. Maybe THEY can search her room.

They live on Navajo reservation land. Is there anything our city police can do?

[Solare]

band aids and chocolate bars are a far cry from 2 grand.

[leosmommy]

Call the Tribal Police

[Justicedog]

Call the police. Unless your dad can replace that, the folks he got the $ from will rightfully require that. It's not an issue of "telling" on someone.

I've caught her stealing band-aids from our medicine cabinet, and we know she's taken hidden chocolate bars from our home.

Seriously? I wouldn't consider that on anywhere near the same level as taking money.

Does anyone who was there have a drug problem? That would be my first guess as to who would have taken it.

[Solare]

JD, that's my thought too. I really doubt an 11 yr old went from stealing bandaids and chocolate bars to stealing 2grand. Dude...

And bandaids? you consider someone taking a bandaid out of the medicine cabinet (at the age of 11 when I'd assume they were able to discern if they need a bandaid or not) stealing?? wow

[ima062002]

If you do find it, I would consider calling the cops and filing a report. Do not remove it from where you find it, leave it undisturbed in an effort to preserve the scene for possible evidence collection.

Two thousand dollars is alot of money and I have pressed charges on teenagers for alot less.

Are you serious? The cops, on an 11 year old girl? There is a reason why this girl steals and lies and charges are not going to make things better. She and her family need serious counseling.

As for the OPs question. I'd ask the parents to agree to a room search/school search (if she has a locker), but before I would tell the girl that this is going to happen and that if she took the money she should return it now so that grandpa wouldn't get into trouble. I would approach this from a non-punitive standpoint; right now all I'd focus would be to the get money back and urge the parents to deal with the deeper issues asap.

[BaileyandMarleysMom]

I worked with a group of kids (13 years old) last summer and one of the kids stole a cell phone from one of the other kids. I was reasonably sure I knew who the culprit was so I confronted him and told him that I knew that he took the phone and that he needed to admit it to me or I was going to have the police go to his house. At first he kept denying that he took it, but I wouldn't take no for an answer and kept him on the hotseat. I went so far as to tell him that some of the other kids saw him do it and also that we had been monitoring the room with video. I told him that I was trying to help him so that he would not end up in trouble with the police. He finally admitted it. It's worth a try.

I hate when people steal things. It's such a violation. Good luck.

[vulturemom]

I don't like it when people steal either but I would be pissed as hell if some one did that to one of my kids because they had a suspicion that they took something. Many kids would admit it just to get you to stop wither they did it or not.

What you did was every bit as much as a violation as the stealing was. And what would you have done if your suspicion was wrong and he didn't take it?

[Justicedog]

I worked with a group of kids (13 years old) last summer and one of the kids stole a cell phone from one of the other kids. I was reasonably sure I knew who the culprit was so I confronted him and told him that I knew that he took the phone and that he needed to admit it to me or I was going to have the police go to his house. At first he kept denying that he took it, but I wouldn't take no for an answer and kept him on the hotseat. I went so far as to tell him that some of the other kids saw him do it and also that we had been monitoring the room with video. I told him that I was trying to help him so that he would not end up in trouble with the police. He finally admitted it. It's worth a try.

I hate when people steal things. It's such a violation. Good luck.


How do you feel about lying?

[QuiltyConscience]

Are you serious? The cops, on an 11 year old girl? There is a reason why this girl steals and lies and charges are not going to make things better. She and her family need serious counseling.

As for the OPs question. I'd ask the parents to agree to a room search/school search (if she has a locker), but before I would tell the girl that this is going to happen and that if she took the money she should return it now so that grandpa wouldn't get into trouble. I would approach this from a non-punitive standpoint; right now all I'd focus would be to the get money back and urge the parents to deal with the deeper issues asap.

It would put my family in a world of hurt to have 2 grand stolen, so my priority would be to get the money back , or at least as much of it as possible. So yeah, I would get authorities involved. I can't decide if someone else gets counseling or not, that isn't up to me.

However..

Since it was your father's money that was stolen, I believe he would have to file the police report, and if he doesn't want to do that, I don't think the OP has any options.

[JustMoi]

Call the tribal police, as they have the jurisdiction on reservation land.

To the person who suggested a non-punitive approach.. why? she NEEDS a punitive approach. At 11 years old, she damned well knows that stealing is wrong and did it anyway. She needs counseling, sure, but she also needs punishment. Sounds like too many people are making excuses for her and letting her get away with it. She needs some consequences for once. The OP actually DID say she has stolen money before.

[Babyblue]

Call the tribal police, as they have the jurisdiction on reservation land.

To the person who suggested a non-punitive approach.. why? she NEEDS a punitive approach. At 11 years old, she damned well knows that stealing is wrong and did it anyway. She needs counseling, sure, but she also needs punishment. Sounds like too many people are making excuses for her and letting her get away with it. She needs some consequences for once. The OP actually DID say she has stolen money before.


I agree, you would just be enabling her by babying her. If not set straight her life is going to go down the crapper with the path she is on now.

I also agree with Quilty that 2 grand is a crushing amount of money loss.

[BaileyandMarleysMom]

Vulture & Justice, the other kids saw him take it and told me that he had done so. This wasn't the first such situation with this kid over the course of the summer. Also, the entire building is monitored on closed circuit television. So, if neccessary, we could have reviewed the video for additional proof, I just hadn't because for a number of reasons it wasn't even neccessary.

I guess you are suggesting that I lied to him to get him to admit that he stole the phone?...I see your point. But, to answer your question, Justice, I don't like when people lie either.

[ZacKat]

I'm trying to imagine how one of my kids would hide $2000 on their person in another person's house and manage to get it out without anyone noticing.

[Candi]

I'm trying to imagine how one of my kids would hide $2000 on their person in another person's house and manage to get it out without anyone noticing.


It's only 20 - 100 dollar bills. It could easily fit in a pocket.

[irisheyes81]

I don't know about easily fitting in a pocket, but yes, it is very reasonable that the child could have removed that amount of money without being noticed. I would request to have the child's room searched and if the guardians refused, I would involve the reservation police.

[ima062002]

To the person who suggested a non-punitive approach.. why? she NEEDS a punitive approach. At 11 years old, she damned well knows that stealing is wrong and did it anyway. She needs counseling, sure, but she also needs punishment. Sounds like too many people are making excuses for her and letting her get away with it. She needs some consequences for once. The OP actually DID say she has stolen money before.

Oh yeah, that is why our prison system keeps people from re-offending. Because it works so well. Punishment will not keep this girl from taking stuff. In a few years it will be too late to fix this, but at 11 there is still a chance. Letting her getting away with it, ignoring it is as bad as punishing her. Both don't deal with the issue. Kids don't take things, especially from family, for no reason. There is something wrong there. I understand that nobody can make anybody go into counseling. But maybe this incident (if she indeed took the money) will jolt people into action.

[Justicedog]

Vulture & Justice, the other kids saw him take it and told me that he had done so. This wasn't the first such situation with this kid over the course of the summer. Also, the entire building is monitored on closed circuit television. So, if neccessary, we could have reviewed the video for additional proof, I just hadn't because for a number of reasons it wasn't even neccessary.

I guess you are suggesting that I lied to him to get him to admit that he stole the phone?...I see your point. But, to answer your question, Justice, I don't like when people lie either.

The way it was written seemed to suggest that "I went so far as to tell him that some of the other kids saw him do it and also that we had been monitoring the room with video." wasn't something that was the truth. I interrpreted "I went so far" wrongly, I apologize.

[3girls2luv]

If you or your dad don't file a police report I guess that the original owner of the money may file a police report if your dad does not replace the money. I agree that even if this child did not take the money there should be some kind of concern as to why she has been stealing in the first place. I think you should approach her and tell her about what could happen if she did take it and how your dad could be in a lot of trouble. Being completely honest and open with her may help her to follow suit.

[Candi]

hmmm, I wonder if homeowners insurance would cover a theft in the house like that. Just curious, does anyone know?

[QuiltyConscience]

I agree, you would just be enabling her by babying her. If not set straight her life is going to go down the crapper with the path she is on now.


Yes, babying her is enabling her,And I agree that this is a really bad path for the kid to go down. I just don't think the OP has much recourse herself. It wasn't her money that was stolen, and it isn't her kid that took it. So the OP isn't babying or enabling. She's trying to figure out what she can do.


Oh yeah, that is why our prison system keeps people from re-offending. Because it works so well. Punishment will not keep this girl from taking stuff. In a few years it will be too late to fix this, but at 11 there is still a chance. Letting her getting away with it, ignoring it is as bad as punishing her. Both don't deal with the issue. Kids don't take things, especially from family, for no reason. There is something wrong there. I understand that nobody can make anybody go into counseling. But maybe this incident (if she indeed took the money) will jolt people into action.

If she isn't the kid's parent or guardian, then the OP can't decide on how the girl's parents are going to deal with it. Looks like the girl's family is uninterested in getting to the root of the problem, and yes, there is something wrong there. Perhaps getting the police involved will motivate the family to see this as a serious problem, and do something proactive.

Or maybe the family will do nothing proactive and at least the girl will learn that other people see this as a big deal, and that there are consequences for stealing.

Calling the police/tribal authority establishes a written record and may be the only way of forcing the family to actually deal with it . She might not necessarily be punished anyway, it may be that she would be required to get help, or just turn the money back over.

[QuiltyConscience]

hmmm, I wonder if homeowners insurance would cover a theft in the house like that. Just curious, does anyone know?


If insurance does cover theft, then one would have to file a police report on said theft to collect from the insurance company.

The insurance company shouldn't have to pay out a claim of theft if someone is unwilling to file a police report and the money could possibly be recovered.

[Justicedog]

Then the home owner's insurance rates will go up, or they'll drop home owner.

I doubt money of a guest would be covered.

[Candi]

Then the home owner's insurance rates will go up, or they'll drop home owner.

I doubt money of a guest would be covered.


Property of a guest is covered on my insurance. And it also says that rates go up if I have two claims within five years. One claim will not make it go up. And I have a $250 deductable (we almost blew up the house when we first moved in, so I called and lowered it. I should probably call and raise it back up)

[luckymom82]

Thanks for the replies ladies. No drug problems with the people at the shower and it wasn't just one band-aid, it was a fistful of band-aids. She put them all back as soon as she saw me standing there. I feel like the big bad wolf accusing this 11 yr. old girl of stealing b/c most kids wouldn't do something like stealing $2,000. At least, I feel like most wouldn't. This girl is a different story though.

I think my mom and I are worried more about the repercussions from either side-whether the authorities are brought in or if, unfortunately, she gets away with this, than my dad is. They managed to scrape together enough money for some of the materials to start the job and he is out-of-town until Friday. I think I will discuss more with my mom the ideas you guys mentioned and hopefully he will be willing to budge.

[leosmommy]

Oh yeah, that is why our prison system keeps people from re-offending. Because it works so well. Punishment will not keep this girl from taking stuff. In a few years it will be too late to fix this, but at 11 there is still a chance. Letting her getting away with it, ignoring it is as bad as punishing her. Both don't deal with the issue. Kids don't take things, especially from family, for no reason. There is something wrong there. I understand that nobody can make anybody go into counseling. But maybe this incident (if she indeed took the money) will jolt people into action.

ima- I agree with you to a point, yes throwing the book at her and nothing else will not solve much. Even if she were sentenced to detention, for a first offense she would get nothing more than a few days. But often times it takes involvement in the juvenile justice system to gain access to resources outside of detention. There have been many kids on my case load ( and don't flame this ) that I have wished were on probation, because they could have used much needed services, such as counseling, anger manangement, etc. Many of these, at least in my county are not available to the general public due to funding, or parental refusal to access.
If in fact she stole the money, being held accountable will help her in the long run. An 11 yr old who can steal 2000 has some stuff going on that needs to be addressed.