Want to wean and he's "addicted" ;)

[siracus]

Hello -
I have wanted to wean since my baby was 10 months........ my sweet little guy is now just over 14 months old. He falls asleep nursing, and for the last month or two seems to want to nurse MORE than ever, day and night. He reaches his hand in my shirt, no matter where we are, and fusses and cries if I don't let him nurse. He goes to sleep in his crib to start the night, but ends up in bed with me and my husband after between 2 to 4 hours, usually..... I try to go in and nurse him back to sleep again in the crib but if he keeps fussing I give up (so tired!) and let him sleep with us. When he's in bed w/us, he'll awaken every hour or so and cry and lunge on me to nurse back to sleep. (Even when he slept in his crib all night, I'd have to go in there 3-7 times a night.) I haven't slept more than a couple hours straight in the entire 14 months, with very few exceptions, and I can't do it anymore. For a LOT of reasons, I REALLY want to wean now. But I have no idea how. Back at 9 months I tried the Pantley method, I gave it 5 weeks but made very little progress. My husband never puts him to sleep, he'll just scream and cry until I come in. I don't know where to start - the sleeping w/out the breast, or during the day!! i want to do it so he's not traumatized! But so that it doesn't take a month or more, either! Help!!!!! Any suggestions??

[ima062002]

May I suggest something? Not to make this all or nothing for the moment? He seems to be so emotionally invested. It seems to me that the nights are the most important to you right now. I night weaned my son at 18 mo with this method: http://www.drjaygordon.com/development/ap/sleep.asp - it was tough for a couple of weeks, he was mad, but he eventually started to wake and me being able to rub his back and get him to sleep. We cosleep and he started sleeping through the night after a couple of months.

He is 3.5 now and still loves to nurse. He is more invested in it emotionally than his sister who is 1. I lately started to nurse him in the living room instead of in our bed before bedtime and just told him today that we won't be nursing in bed first thing in the morning when he gets up but go downstairs to the living room. I am trying to separate nursing from sleeping. I respect his wish to continue to nurse but as he grew I started to put limits - as in "no not here, we'll nurse when we get home".

He's a bit young but you could work on him signing to you or use a "code" word when he wants to nurse and not tug on your shirt. LIke that you'd be less tense when you are out and about.

Good luck -

[siracus]

thanks for your reply, i appreciate it. i do not want to nurse much past 15 months, just my personal comfort zone..... but i will of course not cut it out all at once. i just hope he will not be too upset. :(

[renfaire_mama]

We tired the weaning thing, ds here is 13.5 months old. It lasted about 2 days. I was crying, he was crying. IT was just awful!! Its hard to wean. I know moms who've had no issue with it and their kids wean without a problem. NOT here. ALL of my kids were addicted to the boobie!! So with this last babe here it wasn't a big shock that he would not just give it up. (not without a fight!) I guess for me, I just say he is only small for a short time. Ive cut down on daytime nursing. SO we are usually just nursing when he wakes up, nap time, and then night time. WE are down to 3 nursings (down from about 12!) Its slow going. BUT its an easier transition. I just try to distract him when he comes up to me signing milk and yanking on my shirt. I offer some cup full of liquid, and we cuddle up and read or play. I try to make sure he gets the cuddles too!! Sometimes they need that!! In any case... hang in there and good luck!!

[Jacksmommy]

Weaning should be gradual - one feeding at a time. Choose the one that is least important to him to give up first. After he's gotten used to that nursing session being gone, then start to get rid of the next one. He's at an age where he's probably teething. Nursing is very comforting. Be sure to address the teething discomfort in some way. We use Hyland's teething tablets and find they work very well. I dissolve them in water and give them with a medicine dropper. Breastmilk is also very filling - along with being nutritionally complete. Does your baby drink cow's milk or eat solids well? Lots of 1 year olds don't. It's another thing to be aware of.

[Firemom]

Just my opinion, but he does not seem ready to wean. Since he is already in bed with you, just nurse him and you won't be so worn out and sleep deprived. Weaning does not guarantee sleeping thru the night. At least now, you have an easy way of comforting him.

[kasumisniper]

I can't agree with firemom. I know what it's like trying to sleep with a baby attached to you, and not everyone can sleep well that way. Ecspecially if it's every hour! Good luck weaning.

[aprilshowerz]

i'm going through a similar situation. I planned on weening my son around one year of age, but he seemed to be addicted. :)

I actually had already started weening him around 11 months by eliminating day time feedings. I wasn't too thorough with that, so i produced milk around the clock. I tried again later and worked harder at weening him. He eventually was only nursing at night, but, it was all night. It was his comforting pacifier i guess. So i too gave in and let him co-sleep with me.

Seeing that things needed change, I finally made an ultimatum. my son is now 13 months and i am in the process of quitting nursing. I had to use the cold turkey approach. i dont recommend it right off the bat, but if you have tried weening it might work. I nursed my son one last time and told him he wouldnt be nursing anymore. It was rough the first night, the second night was a little easier, he woke up about every 3-4 hours but was easily comforted back to sleep.

The roughest part for me is that i am so full of milk and SORE. I actually am wearing ice packs in my bra right now. :p. When i'm not icing myself, i am wearing a snug fitting sports bra and using a long dish towel to bind my breasts to stop milk flow. My mother suggested sage tea, but i havent had much luck finding it.

Whatever you try, i suggest you stick with it. I sometimes wish i could just go back to nursing because it would be easier, but i know that in the long run, for him and I, it's the best thing.
Keep me updated! good luck!![/FONT]

[madelsmama]

Yikes, april, that sounds like a rough way to go! Are you sure that's the best way? Sounds like a sure way to plugged ducts and mastitis, and maybe a sad little boy.

I agree with the suggestions for slow weaning. Fast weaning often breeds insecurity and sadness, not to mention the adjustment that our bodies must go through.

[Firemom]

They are only little for such a short time, I really don't understand why its better to make a child wean when they are not ready? To each their own.

[EJglamMOM]

I think wanting to wean within a month would be hard on both mom and baby. Especially if he is nursing so much right now. My daughter is 17months and went through a growth spurt around 13-14 months. She was nursing alot at that time and has recently cut down again.

14 months is a good job you've given your son a great start in life. It doesn't sound like he's ready to wean anytime soon, at least not cold turkey. If you are ready to wean I suggest doing it gradually. Giving yourself a deadline(especially one that is a month away) will probably make things worse and lead to resentment and frustration.

Your son is old enough that you can start teaching him to be patient. If you aren't comfortable with him sticking his hand down your shirt when he's ready to nurse where ever you are start letting him know that it isn't allowed. When we are somewhere that nursing just isn't an option I redirect Maddy and offer her another snack or play with her. Most of the time she can be consoled with something else. But I have to respect her too. If we've been out shopping all day and she hasn't nursed she's probably getting tired and eating a cracker isn't going to cut it for her. For me its easier to nurse her even for a couple minutes than it is to haul around a screaming baby. Usually that's all she needs, just a chance to reconnect and not be overwhelmed by things going on around us. She understands "No not now" but I can't do that all day.

I think what would be best for you right now since you really want to wean is to decide which nursing sessions are most important for your child and which ones are harder on you and try to compromise. If you want to cut out the night feedings you are going to need help from daddy atleast to figure out something that will help get him(and you) to sleep peacefully. I would start by nursing for less time then passing off to daddy before he falls asleep. Let daddy wear him out playing with him or what ever. Alot of times my daughter will nurse, play w/dad and if it gets to where she gets so tired and just wants me I will nurse her for a little while longer, usually she only nurses for a minute or two before she is out.

Maddy hardly ever nurses at night now. I work 12hr night shifts so its easier, but up until a few months ago I was coming home at 10pm and 3am to nurse her. I eventually cut out the 10pm and then the 3am. Alot of it was weaning daddy from thinking he couldn't do it alone. He would usually call me as soon as she woke up to tell me she was ready, eventually he stopped calling once he realized he could handle her. Now when i'm home at night I nurse her once before bed and have dad put her to bed or sleep with her. She usually sleeps through the night. This was my little girl who started out being on the breast all night long for the first year!

She still nurses before naps during the day and asks to nurse several times during the day. If I don't want to nurse or I'm busy I tell her no. She usually complies. I think a big part of it is that when she's seriously needing to nurse I will let her. She trusts that I will be here for her when she needs me so she doesn't get impatient when put her off..I just can't keep putting her off or it becomes drama.

I think Maddy is in the process of weaning. I don't know when it will be. At this point I could probably leave for a couple days and she would forget about nursing..at the same time I can see her nursing like she is for another year.

My oldest nursed until he was 2.5 I never thought it would end. He didn't show many signs of weaning then one day he just quit. I was tandem nursing at the time so I didn't have any problems with engorgement. I'd always kinda thought DS#2 would wean before he did but he continued to nurse for about a year..I can't even recall the last time he nursed because he went days in between asking.

Anyway each child is different and has different needs.

[RedheadbyChoice]

Indeed, nursing manners can be taught.

And like someone else said, weaning does not guarantee sleeping better at night, or waking less often. If someone tells you that, they're lying, TYVM.

Gradual is better for both mom and baby.....mastitis isn't something to take lightly either. Why make oneself sick on purpose?

Like jacksmommy said, one feeding at a time. You'll have to find another way to parent him during those times, whether it's rocking or daddy or whatever. Start slowly, and when you've got one feeding gone, with another parenting substitute in place, start on the next feeding.

[Queen_au_Kegel]

I agree with MadelsMom, Firemom & Red.

Gradual, slow weaning is the best for both mother & child.

How are things now? It's been over a month. Shoot, almost 2.

[Queen_au_Kegel]

Oh and add EJglamMom to my above list.

(Nice post girl ;) )

[aprilshowerz]

I didnt just cut him off, we were already down to one feeding besides the all night grazing. Every family is different and for me and for him it was the best time to quit. He is now sleeping through the night and doing great. It really was the right time for him and I.

[aprilshowerz]

how are u doing with the weening?

[KaraJ]

April, cold turkey seems fine to me, but you might want to pump to relieve soreness. I can understand that a baby may be sad if he isn't ready to wean, but I think it's the mom's call. Baby can always drink pumped milk, cow's, soy, whatever. it's true that the baby needs the breast for comfort, but there are several ways of comforting a baby, not just the breast. The baby won't be as happy if you continue to nurse and feel yourself resenting him for it.

[lillylove123]

for milk flow issues.. try cabbage leaves. the Lactation consultant had me use those when DS was 3 months old. i could pump 14 oz. . . and it was very very uncomfortable. the leaves helped. but i woul dbe very careful if you dont want to dry up all the way. . or are only half serious about weaning. the leaves WILL dry you up and you have to be very careful.

or so she said. we obviously didnt want my milk to go away. just lessen a bit.

[LianeV]

I keep seeing some of you write that a child seems addicted to nursing. You say that like it's a bad thing. These children are normal. I suggest you read up on the psychology of nursing to a child-led weaning. It's just not something that you declare an end to one day and that's it. Not only would you be setting yourself up for breast problems, but it's almost unavoidable for your child not to feel a real sense of rejection. It can affect a child's personality in a negative way. There are other ways to go about this without going to such an extreme. I have been there where it seems like you've been nursing all night long and some of us don't sleep well in that situation. That is a very real concern. But, there are ways to deal with the situation other than weaning abruptly. This involves good parenting and discipline. But first, learn about weaning and sleeping practices around the world. www.llli.org is a good website to hit. Just type "weaning" into the search box when you get to the page and then scan through the listed articles and look for ones that interest you.
I'm not coming down on you, siricus. I promise. I have been there when I felt like the very life was going to be sucked out of me. But, it passes. There are ways to relieve the pressure. It's normal for a child to still be nursing at this age. Before long, nursing will become a less and less frequent thing. One day you'll realize you only nursed once all day, then you'll skip a day, then a couple of times a week only, then less and less. Ideally, it is a very gradual thing.
So, let's work on taking some of the pressure off of you. He shouldn't be demanding to nurse and embarrassing you in public. That is a disciplining issue and he is learning patience. There is a purpose to this. Sometimes, we lock ourselves into a certain date to stop nursing and feel obligated to honor that date, even if it doesn't seem right when it gets here. At least make a committment to yourself and your child to research the benefits of child-led weaning to both mother and child.

[Firemom]

Liane great post! I get you!

I never liked the term addicted to nursing, it is a necessity.

[LianeV]

Something no one has mentioned is the fact that the more time a woman spends lactating during her lifetime, the less chance she will have any of several cancers. I'll have to go back and find the reference (maybe someone reading this knows?).
So, not only are there many, many reasons for nursing past 1yo for baby's sake, there are also reasons for momma's sake. Besides, the WHO and American Pediatric Association suggest 2 or more years of nursing.
Perhaps the issues that are being remedied by weaning are not breastfeeding problems, but discipline problems. Our babies learn how to interact and deal with difficulties by the way we do. It would be terrible to send the message to a little one, "Sorry. I can't help you. Deal with it yourself." There's such a chance that they feel rejected or like momma isn't pleased with them for some reason. There's just so much chance for a negative impact on their personalities, esp. when weaning is sudden or they react strongly to it. They are, after all, children and we are adults. We can comfort ourselves through tough times much better than they can at their ages. We can tell ourselves that one day they will be 18 and on their own and we'll be wishing we could spend more time with them. They don't have that ability yet. Yeah, nursing all night can be a pain in the a**. I know what it's like to go to sleep nursing and wake up nursing. But, it's not forever. If it really bugs you, you can find alternatives without sacrificing nursing altogether.
Sorry to go on and on . . .

Happy Nursing!