Leaf_Racer
10-20-2007, 03:05 AM
At 9 weeks I was gushing blood and they swore up and down I was loosing the baby..... I didn't. We breezed through the next few weeks easily until 18 weeks. I had been spotting. Went in for an u/s. Calypso's amniotic fluid was at 1.5 (4.5 is critical) the u/s lady kept asking me if I had been leaking. I told her no, no I hadn't. They scheduled me for a recheck in 2 weeks saying she probably just needed to pee.
At 20 weeks I saw them again. The u/s tech was very very quiet and told me that the baby still had no fluid and that my placenta looked 'funny'. She went to get my dr. He came in crying and told me I was at very very high risk for interuterine fetal demise and having a stillborn baby. They referred me to a high risk dr who I saw the following Monday.
I saw the High Risk Dr at 21 weeks 2 days. He told me the baby looked ok and we were in a wait and see stage and I'd have every 2 week u/s. I never made it to my next appointment. On May 2nd at 23 weeks 5 days I woke up in a pool of blood. I called 911 and they took me away to our local hospital. They found Calypso's heartbeat and transferred my up to IU Hospital in Indianapolis.
There they diagnosed me as a placental abruption case. We had to sign papers telling them that if Calypso was born super early we wanted agressive treatments to save her.
I spent 6 weeks in the hospital bleeding heavily off and on. When I hit 29 weeks I was so excited, if I had my baby she would live! I was so freaking happy.
On June 14th at 1:30 am I was 6 cm and they gave me an epidural. At 3 am I called my friend. At 3:15 I was feeling weird and the drs came in to check me. I told her I'd call her back. Calypso was born 5 minutes later in one push. She came out sunny side up and had herr eyes open (I wish so badly I had seen her eyes, I never got to see them) she even tried to cry. She was 3 lbs 1.9 oz and 13 inches long.
I got up about an hour later to go pee and started hemorraging. The dr started my iv with pitocin (I got 2 bags) and they put cyotec up my bum and he MANUALLY yanked clots out of my uterus while shoving on my stomach. Finally they got everything under control
At 5:30 am they had Calypso stable enough to transfer her to Riley and I got to meet her briefly before they wisked her away.
Calypso was doing good, she had some small problems but was doing great. Then it happened, the unthinkable and most dreaded word that any preemie parent will ever hear NEC (Necrotizing Enterocolitis) it's a severe intestinal infection in preemies. It causes all kinds of problems, including renal failure. I was still so freaking hopeful! Everyone kept promising me she'd come home. Here's 2 of my journal entries leading up to her death
WEDNESDAY, JULY 04, 2007 02:12 AM, CDT
A letter to God I wrote today
Dear God,
I know everything you do is for a purpose. And I KNOW it in my head but I can't for the life of me understand in my heart WHY my baby girl has to go through this stuff. She's so small but has already had stuff done to her that most adults haven't had done to them.
I realize that I may not be able to see her grow to adult hood but I beg you with EVERYTHING in me to let her come home. Even if it's just for a while. I want her to come home and be with her sisters and with me.
I want to hold her and rock her and actually be able to kiss her head. I want to sing to her and know she hears me. I want to see her eyes. I haven't even been able to do that. I want to be able to put her in clothes that WE bought her. And take her on a car ride and a walk through the park.
I want her to go to MOPS with me and the girls and smile at me. I want her to sleep in her own crib and use the diapers we have for her.
Please Lord I don't care if she's on oxygen or a vent or has been trached. I don't care if she's on a feeding tube or what. I just want her home. I want to hold her in my arms and tell her how much I love her. Please God you've done things so much more complicated then this surely it's not an unreasonable request?
In Jesus Name
Amen
And the day before she died
FRIDAY, JULY 06, 2007 06:11 PM, CDT
Whoever says compassion and is dead and humanity is selfish needs to step back and re-evaluate their lives. The amount of support we've have for our baby girl is so staggering it brings tears to my eyes.
The fact that these people online who've never met me or my daughter are supporting her and praying for her without ceasing. My family members and friends who've never met her. It makes my heart swell with gratitude and love to know so many people are so involved with my angels life story.
We sat down and met with a team of drs today. They told us her kidneys still aren't working BUT that her NEC is almost GONE!!!! They injected die into her stomach and watched it move through her body!!! Now we are simply waiting to see if her Kidney's kick in. Dr Engles said that he's seen babies in Kidney Failure up to 4 weeks and then BOOM one day they start peeing and don't stop again. He also said the fact that she had a few days of pee and then nothing also could mean that they are Starting to function because sometimes they do that start and stop.
Baby girl is still in Critical Condition of course but there is hope. He said if she starts acting like things are getting to hard on her they can try a medicine or try dialysis. This could be risky since her stomach and intestines ARE still healing BUT if she starts going down hill we'll do anything possible to help her.
Right now they are monitoring her fluid, electrolytes, and all that stuff. As well as her blood pressure and blood gasses. All those at the moment are stable.
Over all we're playing the waiting game. Wait and see if she can do this or wait till God takes her home to be with him.
So Kind of the same news we already had with the one exception about the NEC being gone.
I know the news will spread quickly and wanted to remind you all of this. Humanity and Compassion are NEVER NEVER gone. Sometimes there is just so much junk to wade through that the compassion and caring gets over looked. Please take a moment out of your day to smile at someone and give them a bit of hope in the world. And Thank you All for giving us and our earthly angel this hope that the world hasn't gone to hell in a hand basket
The morning of the 7th the Nicu called me at noon and told me she was hurting bad and fighting the vents and her bp and oxygen levels weren't doing well. and we needed to get up there asap. I started bawling. I knew what was happening. The day before we'd gone to see Calypso and then I'd had a drs appointment and then Raeden did too and I was tired and DH went up to say Goodbye to Calypso and I didn't. On the way home I freaked out and told him if something happened I would hate myself for not telling her goodbye. Oh God I never told her goodbye and the next day she died.
We were 10 minutes out of Indianapolis nearing Riley when the NICU dr called again, you could tell from his voice things were bad. He said to get the whole family up there. I practically ran to the NICU and there was the damn sign, that horrible horrible damn sign 'The NICU is Temporarily Closed' For any NICU mom they KNEW what this meant. A baby was passing or had passed away. I went in to see my princess as we waited for DH to get up there. I sang to her OUR lullabye. JUST ours Hine, E Hine.
Dh got there and we talked to the drs. They told us her oxygen sats had been below 60 for too long. There was too much fluid on her lungs and while they could TRY another proceedure there was almost no chance of it working. So we made the decision and we took her off the vent.
(continued below)
At 20 weeks I saw them again. The u/s tech was very very quiet and told me that the baby still had no fluid and that my placenta looked 'funny'. She went to get my dr. He came in crying and told me I was at very very high risk for interuterine fetal demise and having a stillborn baby. They referred me to a high risk dr who I saw the following Monday.
I saw the High Risk Dr at 21 weeks 2 days. He told me the baby looked ok and we were in a wait and see stage and I'd have every 2 week u/s. I never made it to my next appointment. On May 2nd at 23 weeks 5 days I woke up in a pool of blood. I called 911 and they took me away to our local hospital. They found Calypso's heartbeat and transferred my up to IU Hospital in Indianapolis.
There they diagnosed me as a placental abruption case. We had to sign papers telling them that if Calypso was born super early we wanted agressive treatments to save her.
I spent 6 weeks in the hospital bleeding heavily off and on. When I hit 29 weeks I was so excited, if I had my baby she would live! I was so freaking happy.
On June 14th at 1:30 am I was 6 cm and they gave me an epidural. At 3 am I called my friend. At 3:15 I was feeling weird and the drs came in to check me. I told her I'd call her back. Calypso was born 5 minutes later in one push. She came out sunny side up and had herr eyes open (I wish so badly I had seen her eyes, I never got to see them) she even tried to cry. She was 3 lbs 1.9 oz and 13 inches long.
I got up about an hour later to go pee and started hemorraging. The dr started my iv with pitocin (I got 2 bags) and they put cyotec up my bum and he MANUALLY yanked clots out of my uterus while shoving on my stomach. Finally they got everything under control
At 5:30 am they had Calypso stable enough to transfer her to Riley and I got to meet her briefly before they wisked her away.
Calypso was doing good, she had some small problems but was doing great. Then it happened, the unthinkable and most dreaded word that any preemie parent will ever hear NEC (Necrotizing Enterocolitis) it's a severe intestinal infection in preemies. It causes all kinds of problems, including renal failure. I was still so freaking hopeful! Everyone kept promising me she'd come home. Here's 2 of my journal entries leading up to her death
WEDNESDAY, JULY 04, 2007 02:12 AM, CDT
A letter to God I wrote today
Dear God,
I know everything you do is for a purpose. And I KNOW it in my head but I can't for the life of me understand in my heart WHY my baby girl has to go through this stuff. She's so small but has already had stuff done to her that most adults haven't had done to them.
I realize that I may not be able to see her grow to adult hood but I beg you with EVERYTHING in me to let her come home. Even if it's just for a while. I want her to come home and be with her sisters and with me.
I want to hold her and rock her and actually be able to kiss her head. I want to sing to her and know she hears me. I want to see her eyes. I haven't even been able to do that. I want to be able to put her in clothes that WE bought her. And take her on a car ride and a walk through the park.
I want her to go to MOPS with me and the girls and smile at me. I want her to sleep in her own crib and use the diapers we have for her.
Please Lord I don't care if she's on oxygen or a vent or has been trached. I don't care if she's on a feeding tube or what. I just want her home. I want to hold her in my arms and tell her how much I love her. Please God you've done things so much more complicated then this surely it's not an unreasonable request?
In Jesus Name
Amen
And the day before she died
FRIDAY, JULY 06, 2007 06:11 PM, CDT
Whoever says compassion and is dead and humanity is selfish needs to step back and re-evaluate their lives. The amount of support we've have for our baby girl is so staggering it brings tears to my eyes.
The fact that these people online who've never met me or my daughter are supporting her and praying for her without ceasing. My family members and friends who've never met her. It makes my heart swell with gratitude and love to know so many people are so involved with my angels life story.
We sat down and met with a team of drs today. They told us her kidneys still aren't working BUT that her NEC is almost GONE!!!! They injected die into her stomach and watched it move through her body!!! Now we are simply waiting to see if her Kidney's kick in. Dr Engles said that he's seen babies in Kidney Failure up to 4 weeks and then BOOM one day they start peeing and don't stop again. He also said the fact that she had a few days of pee and then nothing also could mean that they are Starting to function because sometimes they do that start and stop.
Baby girl is still in Critical Condition of course but there is hope. He said if she starts acting like things are getting to hard on her they can try a medicine or try dialysis. This could be risky since her stomach and intestines ARE still healing BUT if she starts going down hill we'll do anything possible to help her.
Right now they are monitoring her fluid, electrolytes, and all that stuff. As well as her blood pressure and blood gasses. All those at the moment are stable.
Over all we're playing the waiting game. Wait and see if she can do this or wait till God takes her home to be with him.
So Kind of the same news we already had with the one exception about the NEC being gone.
I know the news will spread quickly and wanted to remind you all of this. Humanity and Compassion are NEVER NEVER gone. Sometimes there is just so much junk to wade through that the compassion and caring gets over looked. Please take a moment out of your day to smile at someone and give them a bit of hope in the world. And Thank you All for giving us and our earthly angel this hope that the world hasn't gone to hell in a hand basket
The morning of the 7th the Nicu called me at noon and told me she was hurting bad and fighting the vents and her bp and oxygen levels weren't doing well. and we needed to get up there asap. I started bawling. I knew what was happening. The day before we'd gone to see Calypso and then I'd had a drs appointment and then Raeden did too and I was tired and DH went up to say Goodbye to Calypso and I didn't. On the way home I freaked out and told him if something happened I would hate myself for not telling her goodbye. Oh God I never told her goodbye and the next day she died.
We were 10 minutes out of Indianapolis nearing Riley when the NICU dr called again, you could tell from his voice things were bad. He said to get the whole family up there. I practically ran to the NICU and there was the damn sign, that horrible horrible damn sign 'The NICU is Temporarily Closed' For any NICU mom they KNEW what this meant. A baby was passing or had passed away. I went in to see my princess as we waited for DH to get up there. I sang to her OUR lullabye. JUST ours Hine, E Hine.
Dh got there and we talked to the drs. They told us her oxygen sats had been below 60 for too long. There was too much fluid on her lungs and while they could TRY another proceedure there was almost no chance of it working. So we made the decision and we took her off the vent.
(continued below)