CaptHeather
10-19-2007, 12:09 PM
Azaria\'sMommy
Unregistered
Loving after loss
#42243 - 11/08/05 10:22 PM Edit Reply Quote Quick Reply
Hello. I would like to share my story. In the past four years I have had two misscarriages due to a hormonal imbalance. With my third pregnancy my Doctor prescribed progesterone suppositories and I was able to carry to term a healthy little girl. I had my Azaria for 8 precious months, but on August 13th 2004 she passed away from SIDS. Four months later I got pregnant again (on Depo). I was able to carry with the help of hormones. I had Isabella on September 13th 2005. She was a scheduled c-section because she was a footling breech. She took her first breath before she was completely out so she ended up in the NICU for 5 days. She is home and doing well. She is on an apnea moniter, it goes off about four times a week. My question to all of you is how do you get past the fear that you child will die and can you connect to the child as well as you did with the child or children that you've lost?
Post Extras:
Murphy's Law
Member
Reged: 03/17/05
Posts: 3822
Loc: Red Sox Nation Re: Loving after loss
#42244 - 11/09/05 01:33 AM Edit Reply Quote Quick Reply
Hi there. Sorry for the loss of Azaria.
For me, connecting to my healthy child was not a problem. I wondered if I could love her as much as I loved my first son (passed away at 4 months old). But I did love her that much! In fact, sometimes I feel badly because I've had more time to bond with her and more time to spend with her without worrying if she will die. (This is how it was with my son - from 8-18 weeks, I knew he was dying - I just didn't know when). I've had an easier time bonding with my daughter because of this; there was no worry that she had a terminal illness.
But I will tell you - it was many many months before I stopped worrying she would die. I still fear it but I'm fairly confident that she's passed the SIDS age, and I KNOW she is free from SMA (the illness that stole her brother). Still I can't help but wonder how it will be when she is walking. Will I be neurotic if she runs away from me? Will I fear that a car will hit her? Time will tell, I guess.
She was 4 months old before I stopped worrying so much - because that's when she made it older than her brother. But until she was 6-8 months old, I still checked on her many many times at night, sometimes hourly. Now if she's sleeping I let her sleep unless I'm up anyway to use the bathroom. I check on her then. But I know exactly how you feel. I think in time you will be able to relax with this new special baby girl! Just be gentle with yourself. It does take a lot of time. As we know, there are no guarantees. Hugs!
Take care of you!
Post Extras:
Azaria\'sMommy
Unregistered
Re: Loving after loss
#42245 - 11/09/05 05:24 PM Edit Reply Quote Quick Reply
Thanks for letting me know that I'm not alone. The risk of SIDS does decrease with age, (I thought that an 8 month old would be in the clear) but I was told by our coroner that SIDS death can occur up to the age of 2. She even saw a 6 year old die of SIDS. Breastfeeding does help to protect against SIDS (I am nursing and I nursed Azaria untill the day she died) but also make sure your baby dosent get too warm. A baby will cry if she is cold not if she is hot. I dont want another Family to lose a child to SIDS.
Unregistered
Loving after loss
#42243 - 11/08/05 10:22 PM Edit Reply Quote Quick Reply
Hello. I would like to share my story. In the past four years I have had two misscarriages due to a hormonal imbalance. With my third pregnancy my Doctor prescribed progesterone suppositories and I was able to carry to term a healthy little girl. I had my Azaria for 8 precious months, but on August 13th 2004 she passed away from SIDS. Four months later I got pregnant again (on Depo). I was able to carry with the help of hormones. I had Isabella on September 13th 2005. She was a scheduled c-section because she was a footling breech. She took her first breath before she was completely out so she ended up in the NICU for 5 days. She is home and doing well. She is on an apnea moniter, it goes off about four times a week. My question to all of you is how do you get past the fear that you child will die and can you connect to the child as well as you did with the child or children that you've lost?
Post Extras:
Murphy's Law
Member
Reged: 03/17/05
Posts: 3822
Loc: Red Sox Nation Re: Loving after loss
#42244 - 11/09/05 01:33 AM Edit Reply Quote Quick Reply
Hi there. Sorry for the loss of Azaria.
For me, connecting to my healthy child was not a problem. I wondered if I could love her as much as I loved my first son (passed away at 4 months old). But I did love her that much! In fact, sometimes I feel badly because I've had more time to bond with her and more time to spend with her without worrying if she will die. (This is how it was with my son - from 8-18 weeks, I knew he was dying - I just didn't know when). I've had an easier time bonding with my daughter because of this; there was no worry that she had a terminal illness.
But I will tell you - it was many many months before I stopped worrying she would die. I still fear it but I'm fairly confident that she's passed the SIDS age, and I KNOW she is free from SMA (the illness that stole her brother). Still I can't help but wonder how it will be when she is walking. Will I be neurotic if she runs away from me? Will I fear that a car will hit her? Time will tell, I guess.
She was 4 months old before I stopped worrying so much - because that's when she made it older than her brother. But until she was 6-8 months old, I still checked on her many many times at night, sometimes hourly. Now if she's sleeping I let her sleep unless I'm up anyway to use the bathroom. I check on her then. But I know exactly how you feel. I think in time you will be able to relax with this new special baby girl! Just be gentle with yourself. It does take a lot of time. As we know, there are no guarantees. Hugs!
Take care of you!
Post Extras:
Azaria\'sMommy
Unregistered
Re: Loving after loss
#42245 - 11/09/05 05:24 PM Edit Reply Quote Quick Reply
Thanks for letting me know that I'm not alone. The risk of SIDS does decrease with age, (I thought that an 8 month old would be in the clear) but I was told by our coroner that SIDS death can occur up to the age of 2. She even saw a 6 year old die of SIDS. Breastfeeding does help to protect against SIDS (I am nursing and I nursed Azaria untill the day she died) but also make sure your baby dosent get too warm. A baby will cry if she is cold not if she is hot. I dont want another Family to lose a child to SIDS.