CaptHeather
10-19-2007, 01:12 PM
Pages: 1
Mt.Momma
Unregistered
My Story..
#42499 - 01/01/06 06:22 AM Edit Reply Quote Quick Reply
I posted this a while back at CLL & wanted to share it here as well.
I lost 3 babies in 2 yrs. one at 12 wks one at 9wks & one at 6 wks. It is still hard for me to think about!
It started in July 2001 I was getting Married & found out I was pregnant shortly after. It seemed like such a short time after I started telling everyone I was pregnant. I had to turn around and let them I lost the baby It broke my heart. In July I went to the ER for cramping & spotting and on the U/S I seen a little flicker. & I went to take a second look & the flicker was gone. Never ever have I hurt so bad. Never had I been so mad & never ever would I want to feel that pain again....
But I did, Nov. 2001 & again in April 2002. I was so hurt, sad & mad. I felt at a loss & felt that I had failed my husband & my DD who so wanted a sibling to play with. After lots of testing worries and hard work I was able to carry Nevada Beth to full term she arived April 23rd 2004.
I was almost afraid to breath while I was pregnant with her. I was so afraid of losing her too. After a loss like that your life is just never the same. All the dreams shattered all the what if's left unanswered. Even though I never held my 3 dear babies in my arms I hold them dear to my heart. Every single day the thought of my three angels dance in my head ,& tug at my heart. I will never forget I will never stop loving them. There memories will forever live in me..
I just wanted to share my story. It is very hard for me to write about this but I felt the need to.
I gave my 3 Angel babies a first name, Takoda, Tala, & Sakari
All in all I have five babies, Sierra 7 yrsold, Takoda 01-01, Tala 01-01, Sakari 02-02, & Nevada17 mo. old. All of my DC have made me stronger & each of them tought me something, each of them has had an impact in my life & to each of them I owe a thanks For making me the mom I am today.
In loving memory of Takoda 01-01, Tala 01-01, Sakari 02-02
Thank you all for reading.. It took a lot for me to be able to type that out. I can tell someone the medical end of the story OK but when it comes to talking about my take on it all It crushes me. Life gets a little easier & I can function on a daily basis, but the pain seems to stay the same when I go back to that moment. If that makes any sense.
I have had many losses in my life but none could compare to the loss of a child.
When a person wants to start a family or extend the one they have they grow to love the child before it is conceived ( that's how it was for me) & when all I had hope & dreamed for came to an end, I really had to step back & take a long hard look at all I had. It really changed me in so many ways. In some ways I'm more loving & more careful of life and all it holds & in other ways it has made me cold & bitter.
I really feel for anyone that has ever had a loss rather it be an unborn child, a child, or the thought of one day having a child. That's where I became more loving
I've became very bitter at the fact the a lot of people can not understand my pain. Or hearing the comment well at least it was before you got attached. Or better now than after it was born. Those words make me really have to fight with everything in me to keep from hurting the person that says that. I just say to them there is no Great or small when it come to the loss of a loved one. The pain is there & the loss is real!
I had a good cry today( Something I hardly ever do) It was good for me though it lifted a lot of the pain & tention. I'm glad I have a place to explain how I feel & I know others have felt the same way & that helps too, to know I'm no longer alone.
Post Extras:
Sassafras
Breastfeeding.com's Message Board Administrator 2003-Etertnity and Beyond
Reged: 03/16/05
Posts: 3785
Loc: The Great Rocky Mountains Re: My Story..
#42500 - 01/01/06 03:50 PM Edit Reply Quote Quick Reply
I am so sorry for the loss of your three angel babies.
Thank you for sharing your story.
I love the names you pick for all your babies especially "Takoda".
Where did you find such a beautiful name? Hal
Post Extras:
Mt.Momma
Unregistered
Re: My Story..
#42501 - 01/01/06 05:17 PM Edit Reply Quote Quick Reply
Takoda, Tala & Sakari is Native American & Takoda means Friend to all. Tala is female Wolf & Sakari is Sweet or Sugar. The names I picked for my babies aren't Cherokee The are from many differnt nations.
My Name In Cherokee is Adanvdo = Spirit, Anidawehi = Angel, Uwasv = Lone - Waya = Wolf
Mt.Momma
Unregistered
My Story..
#42499 - 01/01/06 06:22 AM Edit Reply Quote Quick Reply
I posted this a while back at CLL & wanted to share it here as well.
I lost 3 babies in 2 yrs. one at 12 wks one at 9wks & one at 6 wks. It is still hard for me to think about!
It started in July 2001 I was getting Married & found out I was pregnant shortly after. It seemed like such a short time after I started telling everyone I was pregnant. I had to turn around and let them I lost the baby It broke my heart. In July I went to the ER for cramping & spotting and on the U/S I seen a little flicker. & I went to take a second look & the flicker was gone. Never ever have I hurt so bad. Never had I been so mad & never ever would I want to feel that pain again....
But I did, Nov. 2001 & again in April 2002. I was so hurt, sad & mad. I felt at a loss & felt that I had failed my husband & my DD who so wanted a sibling to play with. After lots of testing worries and hard work I was able to carry Nevada Beth to full term she arived April 23rd 2004.
I was almost afraid to breath while I was pregnant with her. I was so afraid of losing her too. After a loss like that your life is just never the same. All the dreams shattered all the what if's left unanswered. Even though I never held my 3 dear babies in my arms I hold them dear to my heart. Every single day the thought of my three angels dance in my head ,& tug at my heart. I will never forget I will never stop loving them. There memories will forever live in me..
I just wanted to share my story. It is very hard for me to write about this but I felt the need to.
I gave my 3 Angel babies a first name, Takoda, Tala, & Sakari
All in all I have five babies, Sierra 7 yrsold, Takoda 01-01, Tala 01-01, Sakari 02-02, & Nevada17 mo. old. All of my DC have made me stronger & each of them tought me something, each of them has had an impact in my life & to each of them I owe a thanks For making me the mom I am today.
In loving memory of Takoda 01-01, Tala 01-01, Sakari 02-02
Thank you all for reading.. It took a lot for me to be able to type that out. I can tell someone the medical end of the story OK but when it comes to talking about my take on it all It crushes me. Life gets a little easier & I can function on a daily basis, but the pain seems to stay the same when I go back to that moment. If that makes any sense.
I have had many losses in my life but none could compare to the loss of a child.
When a person wants to start a family or extend the one they have they grow to love the child before it is conceived ( that's how it was for me) & when all I had hope & dreamed for came to an end, I really had to step back & take a long hard look at all I had. It really changed me in so many ways. In some ways I'm more loving & more careful of life and all it holds & in other ways it has made me cold & bitter.
I really feel for anyone that has ever had a loss rather it be an unborn child, a child, or the thought of one day having a child. That's where I became more loving
I've became very bitter at the fact the a lot of people can not understand my pain. Or hearing the comment well at least it was before you got attached. Or better now than after it was born. Those words make me really have to fight with everything in me to keep from hurting the person that says that. I just say to them there is no Great or small when it come to the loss of a loved one. The pain is there & the loss is real!
I had a good cry today( Something I hardly ever do) It was good for me though it lifted a lot of the pain & tention. I'm glad I have a place to explain how I feel & I know others have felt the same way & that helps too, to know I'm no longer alone.
Post Extras:
Sassafras
Breastfeeding.com's Message Board Administrator 2003-Etertnity and Beyond
Reged: 03/16/05
Posts: 3785
Loc: The Great Rocky Mountains Re: My Story..
#42500 - 01/01/06 03:50 PM Edit Reply Quote Quick Reply
I am so sorry for the loss of your three angel babies.
Thank you for sharing your story.
I love the names you pick for all your babies especially "Takoda".
Where did you find such a beautiful name? Hal
Post Extras:
Mt.Momma
Unregistered
Re: My Story..
#42501 - 01/01/06 05:17 PM Edit Reply Quote Quick Reply
Takoda, Tala & Sakari is Native American & Takoda means Friend to all. Tala is female Wolf & Sakari is Sweet or Sugar. The names I picked for my babies aren't Cherokee The are from many differnt nations.
My Name In Cherokee is Adanvdo = Spirit, Anidawehi = Angel, Uwasv = Lone - Waya = Wolf