what would you tell

[TauvaMicol]

a new teen mom? What advice would you give having gone through it yourself?

[SarahFae]

Don't follow ALL of the advice given to you, esp by your parents. They haven't had a baby around for a while and a lot of things have changed. Most advice is good and you should follow it, but if you don't agree with it, don't be pressured to do it.

[MrsKitty]

SarahFae is right on the money. This is YOUR baby, not your teachers, your parents, your grandparents, the babies dad's parents, the random stranger on the streets... the list goes on. Since you are becoming a mother it is YOUR job to step up, become educated, and make your own choices. Don't let someone else do it for you, this child is your responsibility now.

Accept the help you need without shame, but dont feel like you need to accept any help offered. Just because you are a teen mother dosent mean you need to accept crappy stained clothes for your baby.

Develop a voice. Learn to tell people that it is not their business, to tell doctors no, you will not be following that advice, and parents that you will not be raising your child the way they want you too. Do not let people push you around because of your age. People love to try and raise your baby, give you advice or demand that you parent a certain way, because hey, you screwed up. Take the good advice, leave the rest, and learn to tell people to F off when they are being inappropriate.

Remember, age does not make a good mother. Love, dedication, perseverance, hard work, passion? These things can be developed at any age.

Read, read, and read some more. Arm yourself with education. Decide what you are going to be doing and back it up with knowledge. Read untill you think your head is going to explode. Read about pregnancy, labor, breastfeeding, parenting, vaccinations, the list goes on. When you feel secure and educated in your choices, people will not be able to shake you.

Love yourself. This is probably a scary and very unexpected step in your life that will bring around alot of changes. Embrace it. Enjoy your new role as parent. This is a beautiful thing, and dont let anyone else tell you otherwise.

[kasumisniper]

It's hard to be a young mom, I remember! Accept help when it's offered by family and friends. And don't sweat the small stuff, there's no such thing as a perfect mother!

[kasumisniper]

OOPS! I mean HELP

[sheltered]

Don't put the fathers name on the birth certificate, unless you are married.. I know I know, we all say but they love us they will never do anything to hurt us and bla bla bla. I have a 5 yr old, I lost my virginaty at 18 used protection and got pregnat. My highschool sweetheart who I was madly in love with left me in the delivery room right before I was ready to push, he decieded he didn't want to be a dad. The next day he came back. Okay I thought a little cold feet. hell I had it too. He signed the birth certificate and then only seen my son 3 times in his 5 yrs of life. Now let me get to my point..I didn't listen to the advice of my family or the officer. Turns out my sons biological father has half of my rights to my son. Yup thats right half. SO what does that mean? If he was to decieded to come in and take my son, I would have to prove him to be an unfit parent in court. Even though he hasn't been around. And the scary thing is the cops can't help you because this is just a parental dispute. Unless they are proved to be a threat to your child.

I'm not saying this is going to be like this for all of you, I'm just passing on what happened to me and the laws here in Oregon. I wish you the best of luck, and cherish your child they grow so fast.

[still_me]

I am a young mom and have had mixed responses to me being a mom. I look younger than I am so at times the comments have been pretty rude. Age doesn't determine how good or bad a mom is. Granted, age gives you some wisdom but life is all about trial and error. From my experience people give advice because they believe they are doing some good and helping....if it isn't too rude smile and say thanks and continue on your way. I always look back at those times and see if I was just being stubborn or if their advice was needed and then decided. DON'T let people make you feel bad EVER. The fact that you recognize this and then are asking for advice is enough evidence that you are in tune with your life and your babys. Enjoy your baby! You both are on an adventure have FUN!

[sheltered]

That happens to me all the time! When I was pregnat with my son I was 18 and I looked like I was 15.. So I always got the comments "oh your so young to have a baby, you have your whole life ahead of you at 15!" uggg... I'm 24 now and I'm married I have 2 kids of my own and 2 step kids and ppl still say I look like I'm 16 and so I get all of the rude looks and comments! lol, at least when we are old we will appercate it

[Duskbydawn]

I am 18, and expecting. My due date is may 13. So this means I will still be 18 when I have this child. I am scared, but this web site and this forum alone has helped me and empowered me greatly. This site is one of the only places I can find support. Thanks :)

[oldtimer]

Regardless if they fathers name is on the birth cert or not, if he should choose to prove paternity, and want visitation he would be granted.
Unless, you could prove him to be an unfit parent. Which is very difficult.
Regardless if your parents have had a baby ' around' they have life experience. It would be a good idea to take the experience they are offering.
If you are living in their home, eating their food, watching their TV, that earns the right to be in your business.
If you are adult enough to have a child, and do not want your parents in your daily life, move out.

[michelle218]

my advice? GROW UP. you are a mom now, its not your parents kid, or your friends kid or anyone elses kid, its yours. if you choose to keeo it, yes, that means you choose to stay in while your friends are going out, you choose to keep your sick baby instead of go get drunk after prom, you choose to be a mom, not a teenager.

and yes, i am a teenage parent, i was 17 when she was born.

[halana75]

Wow, the amount of times I could count where I was asked "is that your little sister?" "No, that's my daughter."
I was 6 weeks shy of my 18th birthday when I had my first daughter. It wasn't always easy. Not only is there a lot of stigma attached to teenage mothers...but I did not have the support of her father either. Heed the advice of not putting them on the birth certificate. I didn't as he was contesting the child was his but later married him and we had it added. Mistake to marry him, but that's a different story! The point is that it can be done at a later time.
My daughter is now 15 years old and the only thing I would have changed is to have her a little later in life. Only because I had to do it alone. It can be done though. My life was not "ruined" as suggested by her fathers family. I graduated high school, got two associates degrees from college and am now happily married (to someone else) and have 4 children.
I don't want to say that I wish "luck" to teenage moms, but instead offer understanding and a story of what I feel is a success story in having been a teenage mom.

[rosieroo]

Do any of the teenage mothers here breastfeed?

I'm really not sure about it. I'm not sure the fact its 'free' is really enough for me. I've read some weird things about it all.

isnt it really embarrassing to do? I'm quite confused about it all.

(thanks)

[MrsKitty]

I was a teen mom. I just turned twenty. I have been breastfeeding my son for two years now.

The fact that it is free really is not the big reason for breastfeeding here, though I know alot of people try and sell that idea to teen mom.

How about the fact that it is the optimal and best nutrition for your child, and will provide him/her with the most perfect food throughout the beginning of his\her life? That your child will experince less sickness, be provided with immunities and anti bodies, and bond with you in an amazing way.

I don't know what kind of weird things you have read about it. Maybe you could tell us and we could help you understand more?

Breastfeeding is not embarrassing and I am not quite sure why it would be? You are doing the healthiest thing possible for your child, there is nothing embarrassing about being a good mother.

[TauvaMicol]

I gave birth to my son when I was 16. I nursed him for 2 years. It was wonderful. free, great for him, and comforting.

[sheltered]

I was 19 when I had my first child, I nursed him for a yr and a half. Not sure what you heard. Yes some moms are embarresed by breastfeeding they feel that they are there breast and nobody elses. My sister was one of them. But if you can get over feeling embarressed by the thought of it, nursing is a wonderful experiance. Good luck to you

[reannan]

One piece of advice. I am and am not a teen mom. I had my first at 19 and will have my second at 21. I made it longer then my mom (she was 16 when she had me). When someone says that you are too young to have a baby or what ever just ignore it because there is NO right age to become a mother. As long as you are doing what you have to do for your children you are being a great mother. As far as advice, take the advice and use it or don't. Just like someone else said, this is your baby not anyone else's, you know what it needs and wants. You know what makes it happy and sad. So yea, definitly get all the help you can but use it the way you want.

[reannan]

About the whole breastfeeding in public thing. In my opinion breastfeeding should not be embarrasing. If you are proud enough and able to BF then do it. When where and how you choose. When breastfeeding in public there are alot of methods that you can use to HIDE yourself. Take a blanket and put over the baby when feeding (go in privacy to "latch on" and then come out when ready) then nobody will see your breasts. They will however know that you are giving your child the very best.

[MrsKitty]

She dosent need to HIDE. Theres nothing shameful going on.

[kasumisniper]

I think she just meant hide her breasts. I have however been tempted to just whip em out in front of everyone and let ds have his cuddle time(I don't make much milk,so he mostly nurses for comfort)but then I chicken out and wait til I'm in the van! :-)

[stephie]

Now I don't know about the birth certificate thing. Everyone's life is a different situation. I was 17 and put my baby's dad on the certificate. We even broke up when my son was 2 but it only lasted a year and man I hated him the whole time. But I believe now he was my true love. We got married 2 yrs ago and have two beautiful kids. I think that that is a legal document not a emotional thing. That is the child father or sperm donor however you look at it. But years down the road when there are no hard feelings it might benefit to have the truth on paper. Just be sure thats the real guy who got you pregnant.

[stephie]

I breastfeed my son for three days and quit cause it hurt and he was eating all the time, I told myself I wasn't producing enough to satisfy him since formula was working so great. But now that is such a huge regret. I didn't get help in the hospital because I was 17 and no one took me serious. So it was easy for me to quit. But this time around I tried to quit at the same time but got help and a LC got me through the horrible first 6 weeks, but it was the best thing I have ever done. It is so worth it, the bond you and your baby will have is amazing. I would at least give it a try. Get thought the first few weeks if its not for you, you can stop but you can't just start again very easy.

[icemommy]

I turned 19 in april and gave birth to my beautiful son 6 days ago. There were many moments throughout my pregnancy that I literally cried out of anger towards myself. How could I be so friggin' careless?! My son's father and I decided to marry in October, feeling that Gabe should not be born without a father. This turned out to be a great choice....he is a wonderful father and husband. Since then, I have felt myself grow and mature and as I held my son in my arms for the first time, I really felt like a mom. Of course I was scared to death....but as a 50 year old great-grandma once told me, that fear never really goes away.
Breastfeeding, frankly, SUCKED for me at first. My first night/day in the hospital, I really didn't get much help and ended up with chunks out of my nipples. I found myself toughing out the pain just to feed my son. But the day I left I was there until about 3pm and I had a wonderful nurse who really worked with me and showed me how to do it right. And I am so glad that I stuck with it.
I am new to this community and looking forward to making connections with other moms here. Already by reading through this thread I know that I am not alone and that this will be a wonderful support group.

[JulieBaby]

Before I give my 2 cents, I want everyone to know that I do not regret any of my children, and no one should regret their kids.

But I will say this: If youre a first time teen mom, please think long and hard before rushing into a second child. Everything is so much harder with more than one child.

Im 20 years old with a 3 year old and twins. Its extremely hard to do anything, my entire waking time revolves around these kids. I have not had a dinner alone with my SO in ages. I havent gone out by myself since my kids were born.

When I had my son I wanted to keep on studying but didnthave the drive. Now that I have 3 kids I am trying to start school in August but things are extremely difficult, DS1 has to be in pre school, the twins have to be in an approved daycare etc.

When you have one kid things can be very easy, there is always someone willing to help, but with more than one thing get difficult rather quickly

[Tiffany060507]

I dont mean this personally old timer but i happened to have been forced out of my parents house when i had just turned 17 and then found out i was pregnant. They later begged my to come back but you know what. I NEEDED to be onmy own so that i could at least prove to myself that i could be a responsible adult who can take care of her own. And i have with my fiance for the last 3 years. The thing is my parents are still constantly trying to manipulate me into coming back and living with them and leaving my fiance... My point is sometimes parents don't get it and they can butt in too much...You just really have to know when to take a deep breathe, look them in the eye and tell them to back off. It's not fair to you or your child to have other people try to step in and try to be the big influence on your childs life, i believe that's the parents job and right.

[dexxus]

a new teen mom? What advice would you give having gone through it yourself?


I am 19 since I got pregnant with my 3 year old kid. And it's really hard having a baby, and I think without the help of my baby, I don't think I could ever handle parenthood.

And what other says about how important parent's are, for i myself now could see, the essence of being a mom. And without them, we are not in this world.

[dexxus]

a new teen mom? What advice would you give having gone through it yourself?


I am 19 since I got pregnant with my 3 year old kid. And it's really
hard having a baby, and I think without the help of my baby, I don't
think I could ever handle parenthood.

And what other says about how important parent's are, for i myself
now could see, the essence of being a mom. And without them, we
are not in this world.

to add, here's a bit about me now, Loves creating stuffs decorations
and favors just my past times. Fund of visiting the net almost 4 hours
a day sometimes updating blogs and playing online games like
dress up games (http://www.dressup.me/) and celebrity games (http://celebrity.dressup.me/) just to make myself more sophisticated. Is active in life and
has engage in forum and other networking sites for I really love chatting with
other people of different lives and different races.

[lindsey1516]

Hey, so I’m 17 years old and in high school and I’m currently taking a sociology course.
I'd be really appreciative if I could get as many past/present teen moms as possible to take this survey.
I created the survey myself and it’s related to teen pregnancy.
This survey is COMPLETELY anonymous and is used for research towards a school project and results will be seen by my eyes only.
The survey has 10 quick questions and will literally take you two minutes.
You're welcome to skip any question(s) you are not comfortable answering as I completely understand.
Please take this survey only if you have had a child or children before the age of 20 (19 or younger)
And please pass this survey along to other present/past teen moms you may know.
Thank you so much for your time

http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/MMQGBMJ

[Lillian]

Let's see I was 18 when I got pregnant with my ds. Two weeks after my 19th bday I had him. It was a bit different for me because I was already married when I got pregnant so I didn't really have to deal with the whole mom and dad aspect, but...
My advice would be essentially what everyone else's is: This is your child, your responsibility. Be a mother. You have to take into consideration everything you hear and decide for yourself what works best for you and your baby. It's going to be hard, but this is someone's life. Who would expect it to be easy?
And as far as breastfeeding goes- I breastfed and still am. 8 months pp. I didn't have any troubles whatsoever. Smooth sailing all the way. But I wanted to. And the whole it's free thing is a big yay! for me. I hate wasting money on something that I could very well make, and the stuff I make is even better! Plus bfing protects against Hodgkins which runs in dh husband. And ear infections, reduces ovarian and breast cancer in mommy, tons of stuff. It's awesome. God has designed our bodies to do the most amazing things!

[addniim]

I love her, very love her, very very love her and i don't want to lost her :((

-------------------
queensland holiday package (http://www.hsptravel.com.au/queensland.html)
Magic Tickets (http://magic.tickets-nba.com)

[cuddlycutebaby]

only one thing..!
that dont mess up your studies and parenting and pregnancy together!!!
i spoiled my studies and career in pregnancy..

Parent Support Groups For Parents With Childern With Autism (http://www.autismchildparenting.com)