LadyLiberty
12-02-2007, 03:14 PM
Hello all and welcome to the new boards. I feel remiss that I did not save the items from our old board as so many moms had allowed their experiences, some of them very raw, to pour out on our pages. Unfortunately, they have since been lost.
So, I would like to start a new beginning here and hopefully it will be cathartic to others as the old one was to me. Below is the story I posted on the old boards, except that I have now spell checked it, :D, changed some terms to be more precise, and dated it.
Any who feel moved, please feel free to add your story or start another thread specific to your own traumatic birth.
Heather
-------------------------------------------
Originally posted September 2005
I had my c/s in March (of 2005) and I am still seething with anger. I thought time would cool me off a bit, but no such luck. I was pregnant with twins, perfectly healthy throughout. Being a tall woman, I had plenty of room to physically carry them compared to the average woman. I was not truly worried about going into early labor, but OBs continuously telling me how things would happen and what they would do. This being my second pregnancy, I just rolled my eyes and thought that I would be able to advocate for myself.
At 36 weeks, saw a new doctor since my usual had no open appointments. New doc says he is putting me on the induction schedule for 38 weeks. I ask why. Immediately, he is defensive and asks why I don't want to be induced. I tell him that I was induced with my first son and it was Hell and did not want a repeat. He gets very condescending with me and calls the MFM person while I sit there. They have a nice conversation about me, neither bothering to care what is actually in my medical file. He gets off the phone and reports that ACOG does indeed recommend induction at 38 weeks for twins, as if that is the end of it.
He gives me a one minute talk on the stats that say that there is an increased risk of placental failure at 38 weeks for twins just as there is a 42 weeks for singletons. I say that those are just stats and my babies are fine. I refuse the induction. He tells me to think about it and come back at 38 and if I don't agree, then I will have to sign a statement that says I am refusing recommended medical care. He gives me a biophysical profile, which comes out perfect!! I smile smugly and ask him about the specific stats on placental failure. He doesn't know exactly he says, but it's like three times higher. I go home and check and sure enough, it's three times higher. You know what three times higher came out to be? Yup, there was a huge and stupefying risk of 0.03% chance of placental failure. Yes, the decimal is in the right spot there. It's less than one third of 1%. I decided against induction and can't believe these guys. I knew the war was on and felt a little scared. Being in the Army, you can't just fire your doctor and find someone you get along with.
At 38 weeks, I go in for check. I get doc I have seen once or twice. He does not mention induction and I keep my mouth shut. But, when I come back at 39 for a non-stress test, I get the guy from 36 weeks again. They do the test and he says he is sending me upstairs to "be evaluated for induction" because my babies aren't showing significant movement. Of course, I know they are sleeping and he won't agree to let me eat anything to check again. He says he is going to check my cervix and I agree. He strips my membranes without my permission and makes me bleed all over. I did not know what he had done at first because I had not had my membranes stripped with my first pregnancy. I thought he was just too aggressive.
When I get upstairs, I get another jackass doc. He says, "So, we're admitting you for induction.” I tell him no. He then tells me that the doc downstairs said there was a dip in Baby A's heart rate that signifies distress and they need to come out. I ask how much distress induction causes. He fumbles for his words and says it is more important to get the babies out because I'm too far along. I ask too far along for what. He tells me that there is no value in them remaining in utero. I say, if there were no value then I'd be in labor.
Then this guy really turns ugly. He tells me that the dip indicates a serious problem with one of my babies and asked why I wanted to put him in jeopardy. I tell him that the same dip he is showing me is what another doctor called an indication of baby moving when I came in several weeks before that. He says that's not the case today. I ask how he knows and he says the shape of the dissent shows. It was the same. Then, he says that I am a soldier and really, they are Army doctors and only care about me the soldier. So, he says I am responsible for the care of my babies and I could just sit there and watch my baby die on the monitor if I wanted to and they wouldn't stop it. I still refuse induction. He finally resorts to pulling rank on me. He says that if I refuse induction that he will order me into an L & D room until I go into labor. My husband asks if that is some kind of punishment until I see his point of view. Again, he fumbles for words and says that this is one way of looking at it. I decide in my own head that he could do that if he wanted and I would sit in an L & D room until my belly exploded before I would accept induction from him. Nearly five hours later, he comes in and says that the JAG attorney says he can't keep me, but makes me sign the AMA statement. I leave.
Finally, 40 weeks rolls around. I get another new doc. He tells me that I am doing the smart thing waiting for labor to start. I wasn't sure I had heard him correctly. The heavens opened and the angels sang. Wow. I scheduled another non-stress test for three days later. When I show up, I get a female doc who I had seen a few times. She gives us the same old you-need-to-be-induced speech. I say no, but I ask her to strip my membranes. I ask her the risks of that and she says only that labor might begin, which is what we want anyway. (Another lie. Stripping weakens the sac and often causes leaking or complete breakage with no onset of labor. Bad.) Go ahead I say. As she is doing it, I realize with horror that 36-week doc had already done this. I get a creepy feeling all over and feel like throwing up. I already had a bad vibe during that rough "exam" he had given me and now at 40+ weeks, the horror of recognition is washing over me. I put it on the back burner and decide that I will focus on my babies.
I had tentatively agreed to be induced at 41 weeks if the stripping didn't cause anything to happen. But, at 3:30 AM on the morning I am supposed to go in, my water breaks. I don't know how much it is, but it continues to run out. I am assuming at that point that the baby's head is plugging the majority of it, but that I'm leaking when I move and subsequently his head moves. I am so happy because I feel like I'll be able to just go into labor. Because I have twins and have paranoia about prolapsed cord, I decide that we should go to the hospital to get checked. We get there at about 8 am. I am 3cm, 50%, and soft. The doctor says he wants me to stay. I say no IV and it is on. He insists that I need pitocin because my water broke so long ago and no labor. He tells me (another lie) that if it doesn't begin in about four hours after water breaking that it probably won't. Funny! Would I just stay pregnant forever?
Fine, give me the pitocin, which of course requires an IV, continuous monitoring, and restriction from tub and shower. Fabulous. All day I have contractions. Only one was even remotely painful. I play cards, watch TV, talk to DH, nap. I am painfully bored. (At this point, I think I am safe from 36-week doc and the jackass because I had asked who would be on duty in the L & D and they weren't told to me.) Finally, 7:45 rolls around and new resident shows up. I realize that it is shift change and ask who the attending is. Sure enough, it is the 36-week, membrane-stripping creep! If I had it to do over again, this is where I would have removed the IV, asked for prophylactic antibiotics, and gone home. However, we felt like we were trapped and had too much invested.
I tried to talk to resident. We told her we didn't want attending touching me. She agreed, but said that he would be present in OR for birth as only attending. OR? Yup, all twins are born in the OR. Not a good sign. I try to talk to her about my birth plan. She says that we will cross all bridges when we get to them and not to get ahead of myself. In retrospect, this is OB speak for, "I will be managing your care. I don't give a rat's behind about what you want. If you shut up now, I won't even have to hear what you want because when you're in heavy labor, you won't be able to talk to me easily or refuse any old procedure I throw at you.” Hindsight is 20/20.
So, she insists that we should break my water. I am confused and she informs me that I was merely leaking with a small hole before. That would have been good info at 8 am!!! Fine, I say. She breaks it and I immediately begin having serious contractions which I can only assume are intensified by the very high dose of pitocin that I'm still receiving. Twenty minutes later, she comes in and says that she wants Baby A on internal monitoring because they external can't tell the difference between the two babies. Fine. I'm already pretty much stuck in the bed, so whatever at this point as I'm trying to concentrate. Ten minutes after that and after my last trip to the bathroom off the monitor, she comes in to report that I must use a bedpan because it is too risky for me to be off the monitor. Risky to whom? Fine.
I am laboring hard and the nurse says my profile is not good and they will have to up the pitocin. According to day shift doctor, I'm already at max. Resident says she can order it higher for bad profile. Profile is where they measure the intensity of the contraction according to the monitor to see if you are making adequate progress with contractions. I say no. My only break is that attending agrees that if I'm feeling them, then they are probably working so we can wait a while to see if more pit is needed.
Now, resident comes back in and says Baby A is in distress. You think? Pit all day, stripping membranes, internal monitor, HEAVY labor, no movement by me. Duh! She reinfuses my amniotic sac with saline to give him some cushion. I hear a fuzzy conversation about possible c/s and a couple of tears come out. I was so into advocating for myself but I am not a talker during labor. My husband knows what I want, but he doesn't know all the ins and outs of why. So, when he tells them no, they give him a rash of technical sounding crap to which he doesn't know how to respond and my ability to resist is fading. I feel like the Borg are taking over my body. (Lame Star Trek reference. Please ignore unless you dig ST.)
The whole time, they keep offering me drugs and telling me that I do not have to bear my pain. I mostly ignore it since I prepared for natural. But, docs, nurses, CNAs, and everybody else in the hospital kept coming in and talking too loud, turning on bright lights, and asking me ridiculous questions despite our requests to the opposite. Finally, I start to feel like maybe I can't do it anymore. I start to tear up again and wonder if I will weaken and get an epidural. My concentration has to be strong, but my mind keeps wandering to my greatest fear, that Baby B will turn breech after Baby A is born and they won't let me deliver breech. Sure enough, resident comes in and asks what we want if that happens. I say breech extraction since they don't allow breech delivery in this hospital. She says attending doesn't do that. I ask for doc on call and SHE REFUSES! Of course, I am powerless to do anything about it at that point. So, I choose to bury my head in the sand and hope that it doesn't happen.
At last, I feel the urge to push. I am elated! With my first child, the epidural masked my urge to push so I didn't know what it would feel like. We went to the OR. They made my husband wait in the hallway because they "needed to get me oriented in the OR first" and they needed room to maneuver. Mind you, the OR was big enough to land a plane in. Then, before I know it, since my eyes are closed and I continue to focus on my relaxation, attending is checking AND HURTING me again. I start to moan. He asks if I am having a contraction and I say no that you're hurting me. He makes no attempt to stop what he's doing. I say, now I'm having a contraction and he tells me to push. I glare at him and it takes all my focus. I do NOT push because my husband is still in the freaking hallway.
They let him in and attending gets very close to my ear and tells me that he will count to 10 and I will push. I do not answer because I know that I will not be doing that and that my body obviously knows when to push. He asks if I heard him. I give him a stern and irritated yes. My husband comes over and attending begins to count while resident is in the catcher position. I ignore the counting and listen to my husband who is doing just what we practiced. I push as long as I can without busting any blood vessels in my face, take a rest, push again, and relax. I feel my first baby coming down. I know that it will be cake compared to older DS. Next contraction, I again ignore attending and listen to my husband. I feel baby crowning and can't help but continue pushing and he is out. Only 10 minutes of pushing and I have a beautiful boy. I am not allowed to touch him or hold him. Then, baby nurses stand in front of him on the warmer and I can't even see him. They whisk him away to the NICU, even though he has APGARs of 8 and 9 because I am busy having twins and can't have the first baby interfering. Hospital policy they say.
Attending uses ultrasound to check Twin B. He announces that he has turned breech and says, "Prep her for c/s!” He doesn't allow DH or me to see ultrasound picture. He refuses to attempt external version. He refuses to do breech extraction, which while not great, is at least better than a major surgery. He is now ignoring me and acting quite pleased with himself. They crank up the epidural in a hurry. I ask them to lower the curtain so I can see the birth and to tell me what they are doing when the do it. They tell me that they will certainly do those things. Yet another lie! Finally, the epidural is working and they begin. They never talk to me, never lower, the curtain, do not allow photos. The epidural begins going to high and I can't swallow and am beginning to panic. I tell the anesthesiologist. Attending suggests knocking me out to avoid. Thankfully, anesthesiologist says I'll be fine. Again, nurses in front of my baby and I can't even see him.
I got one kiss on the cheek to each of them before they took them away. After second baby is ready to go, I tell my husband to go be with babies. We had already told all nurses that we were bf and didn't want any formula, bottles, or pacifiers. Both babies were perfectly healthy, but they kept them in the NICU while I was sent to ICU recovery. Stupid! I was crushed. I had a c/s, which felt like a failure. It was made worse because I knew that it was unnecessary.
NICU decided that they needed to run tests on my babies because of...yes, policy. Twin B had low blood sugar according to them and they gave him formula in a bottle without our permission. Once I recovered, I went to the mother-baby unit. I asked my nurse when I could get my babies. She said she would call and check for me. She proceeded to do a one-hour, completely incompetent, and certainly slow exam and check in procedures with me before calling. Finally, my husband followed her to the nurses' station until she called with him waiting. They said that we had to wait until four hours post-partum. I told the nurse that it was not acceptable because they were healthy, I was recovered, and I NEEDED to bf.
It was three hours and 40 minutes before I saw them. I was furious. They had them in not only separate bassinets, but separate rooms in the NICU, even though all research says that twins do better when put together. They didn't have double bassinets they said, so the boys had to sleep separately. It sucked. Bf was sooooo hard at the beginning. I ended up with cracked bleeding breasts and then thrush too. I attribute it all to bad experience in the hospital and totally unnecessary separation.
I cried every day for weeks after coming home. I don't cry all the time anymore, but still do occasionally. I will never forget the shabby treatment, the coercion, the crap. Even though I wouldn't do it, it makes the story of the lady who did her VBAC at home with no attendant sound appealing in a strange sort of way. My next birth is going to bankrupt us because I'm doing a birth center birth, but Army won't pay. More stupid given that it's proven safer and cheaper. Having a few tears now just writing this.
---------------------------------------------------
So, I would like to start a new beginning here and hopefully it will be cathartic to others as the old one was to me. Below is the story I posted on the old boards, except that I have now spell checked it, :D, changed some terms to be more precise, and dated it.
Any who feel moved, please feel free to add your story or start another thread specific to your own traumatic birth.
Heather
-------------------------------------------
Originally posted September 2005
I had my c/s in March (of 2005) and I am still seething with anger. I thought time would cool me off a bit, but no such luck. I was pregnant with twins, perfectly healthy throughout. Being a tall woman, I had plenty of room to physically carry them compared to the average woman. I was not truly worried about going into early labor, but OBs continuously telling me how things would happen and what they would do. This being my second pregnancy, I just rolled my eyes and thought that I would be able to advocate for myself.
At 36 weeks, saw a new doctor since my usual had no open appointments. New doc says he is putting me on the induction schedule for 38 weeks. I ask why. Immediately, he is defensive and asks why I don't want to be induced. I tell him that I was induced with my first son and it was Hell and did not want a repeat. He gets very condescending with me and calls the MFM person while I sit there. They have a nice conversation about me, neither bothering to care what is actually in my medical file. He gets off the phone and reports that ACOG does indeed recommend induction at 38 weeks for twins, as if that is the end of it.
He gives me a one minute talk on the stats that say that there is an increased risk of placental failure at 38 weeks for twins just as there is a 42 weeks for singletons. I say that those are just stats and my babies are fine. I refuse the induction. He tells me to think about it and come back at 38 and if I don't agree, then I will have to sign a statement that says I am refusing recommended medical care. He gives me a biophysical profile, which comes out perfect!! I smile smugly and ask him about the specific stats on placental failure. He doesn't know exactly he says, but it's like three times higher. I go home and check and sure enough, it's three times higher. You know what three times higher came out to be? Yup, there was a huge and stupefying risk of 0.03% chance of placental failure. Yes, the decimal is in the right spot there. It's less than one third of 1%. I decided against induction and can't believe these guys. I knew the war was on and felt a little scared. Being in the Army, you can't just fire your doctor and find someone you get along with.
At 38 weeks, I go in for check. I get doc I have seen once or twice. He does not mention induction and I keep my mouth shut. But, when I come back at 39 for a non-stress test, I get the guy from 36 weeks again. They do the test and he says he is sending me upstairs to "be evaluated for induction" because my babies aren't showing significant movement. Of course, I know they are sleeping and he won't agree to let me eat anything to check again. He says he is going to check my cervix and I agree. He strips my membranes without my permission and makes me bleed all over. I did not know what he had done at first because I had not had my membranes stripped with my first pregnancy. I thought he was just too aggressive.
When I get upstairs, I get another jackass doc. He says, "So, we're admitting you for induction.” I tell him no. He then tells me that the doc downstairs said there was a dip in Baby A's heart rate that signifies distress and they need to come out. I ask how much distress induction causes. He fumbles for his words and says it is more important to get the babies out because I'm too far along. I ask too far along for what. He tells me that there is no value in them remaining in utero. I say, if there were no value then I'd be in labor.
Then this guy really turns ugly. He tells me that the dip indicates a serious problem with one of my babies and asked why I wanted to put him in jeopardy. I tell him that the same dip he is showing me is what another doctor called an indication of baby moving when I came in several weeks before that. He says that's not the case today. I ask how he knows and he says the shape of the dissent shows. It was the same. Then, he says that I am a soldier and really, they are Army doctors and only care about me the soldier. So, he says I am responsible for the care of my babies and I could just sit there and watch my baby die on the monitor if I wanted to and they wouldn't stop it. I still refuse induction. He finally resorts to pulling rank on me. He says that if I refuse induction that he will order me into an L & D room until I go into labor. My husband asks if that is some kind of punishment until I see his point of view. Again, he fumbles for words and says that this is one way of looking at it. I decide in my own head that he could do that if he wanted and I would sit in an L & D room until my belly exploded before I would accept induction from him. Nearly five hours later, he comes in and says that the JAG attorney says he can't keep me, but makes me sign the AMA statement. I leave.
Finally, 40 weeks rolls around. I get another new doc. He tells me that I am doing the smart thing waiting for labor to start. I wasn't sure I had heard him correctly. The heavens opened and the angels sang. Wow. I scheduled another non-stress test for three days later. When I show up, I get a female doc who I had seen a few times. She gives us the same old you-need-to-be-induced speech. I say no, but I ask her to strip my membranes. I ask her the risks of that and she says only that labor might begin, which is what we want anyway. (Another lie. Stripping weakens the sac and often causes leaking or complete breakage with no onset of labor. Bad.) Go ahead I say. As she is doing it, I realize with horror that 36-week doc had already done this. I get a creepy feeling all over and feel like throwing up. I already had a bad vibe during that rough "exam" he had given me and now at 40+ weeks, the horror of recognition is washing over me. I put it on the back burner and decide that I will focus on my babies.
I had tentatively agreed to be induced at 41 weeks if the stripping didn't cause anything to happen. But, at 3:30 AM on the morning I am supposed to go in, my water breaks. I don't know how much it is, but it continues to run out. I am assuming at that point that the baby's head is plugging the majority of it, but that I'm leaking when I move and subsequently his head moves. I am so happy because I feel like I'll be able to just go into labor. Because I have twins and have paranoia about prolapsed cord, I decide that we should go to the hospital to get checked. We get there at about 8 am. I am 3cm, 50%, and soft. The doctor says he wants me to stay. I say no IV and it is on. He insists that I need pitocin because my water broke so long ago and no labor. He tells me (another lie) that if it doesn't begin in about four hours after water breaking that it probably won't. Funny! Would I just stay pregnant forever?
Fine, give me the pitocin, which of course requires an IV, continuous monitoring, and restriction from tub and shower. Fabulous. All day I have contractions. Only one was even remotely painful. I play cards, watch TV, talk to DH, nap. I am painfully bored. (At this point, I think I am safe from 36-week doc and the jackass because I had asked who would be on duty in the L & D and they weren't told to me.) Finally, 7:45 rolls around and new resident shows up. I realize that it is shift change and ask who the attending is. Sure enough, it is the 36-week, membrane-stripping creep! If I had it to do over again, this is where I would have removed the IV, asked for prophylactic antibiotics, and gone home. However, we felt like we were trapped and had too much invested.
I tried to talk to resident. We told her we didn't want attending touching me. She agreed, but said that he would be present in OR for birth as only attending. OR? Yup, all twins are born in the OR. Not a good sign. I try to talk to her about my birth plan. She says that we will cross all bridges when we get to them and not to get ahead of myself. In retrospect, this is OB speak for, "I will be managing your care. I don't give a rat's behind about what you want. If you shut up now, I won't even have to hear what you want because when you're in heavy labor, you won't be able to talk to me easily or refuse any old procedure I throw at you.” Hindsight is 20/20.
So, she insists that we should break my water. I am confused and she informs me that I was merely leaking with a small hole before. That would have been good info at 8 am!!! Fine, I say. She breaks it and I immediately begin having serious contractions which I can only assume are intensified by the very high dose of pitocin that I'm still receiving. Twenty minutes later, she comes in and says that she wants Baby A on internal monitoring because they external can't tell the difference between the two babies. Fine. I'm already pretty much stuck in the bed, so whatever at this point as I'm trying to concentrate. Ten minutes after that and after my last trip to the bathroom off the monitor, she comes in to report that I must use a bedpan because it is too risky for me to be off the monitor. Risky to whom? Fine.
I am laboring hard and the nurse says my profile is not good and they will have to up the pitocin. According to day shift doctor, I'm already at max. Resident says she can order it higher for bad profile. Profile is where they measure the intensity of the contraction according to the monitor to see if you are making adequate progress with contractions. I say no. My only break is that attending agrees that if I'm feeling them, then they are probably working so we can wait a while to see if more pit is needed.
Now, resident comes back in and says Baby A is in distress. You think? Pit all day, stripping membranes, internal monitor, HEAVY labor, no movement by me. Duh! She reinfuses my amniotic sac with saline to give him some cushion. I hear a fuzzy conversation about possible c/s and a couple of tears come out. I was so into advocating for myself but I am not a talker during labor. My husband knows what I want, but he doesn't know all the ins and outs of why. So, when he tells them no, they give him a rash of technical sounding crap to which he doesn't know how to respond and my ability to resist is fading. I feel like the Borg are taking over my body. (Lame Star Trek reference. Please ignore unless you dig ST.)
The whole time, they keep offering me drugs and telling me that I do not have to bear my pain. I mostly ignore it since I prepared for natural. But, docs, nurses, CNAs, and everybody else in the hospital kept coming in and talking too loud, turning on bright lights, and asking me ridiculous questions despite our requests to the opposite. Finally, I start to feel like maybe I can't do it anymore. I start to tear up again and wonder if I will weaken and get an epidural. My concentration has to be strong, but my mind keeps wandering to my greatest fear, that Baby B will turn breech after Baby A is born and they won't let me deliver breech. Sure enough, resident comes in and asks what we want if that happens. I say breech extraction since they don't allow breech delivery in this hospital. She says attending doesn't do that. I ask for doc on call and SHE REFUSES! Of course, I am powerless to do anything about it at that point. So, I choose to bury my head in the sand and hope that it doesn't happen.
At last, I feel the urge to push. I am elated! With my first child, the epidural masked my urge to push so I didn't know what it would feel like. We went to the OR. They made my husband wait in the hallway because they "needed to get me oriented in the OR first" and they needed room to maneuver. Mind you, the OR was big enough to land a plane in. Then, before I know it, since my eyes are closed and I continue to focus on my relaxation, attending is checking AND HURTING me again. I start to moan. He asks if I am having a contraction and I say no that you're hurting me. He makes no attempt to stop what he's doing. I say, now I'm having a contraction and he tells me to push. I glare at him and it takes all my focus. I do NOT push because my husband is still in the freaking hallway.
They let him in and attending gets very close to my ear and tells me that he will count to 10 and I will push. I do not answer because I know that I will not be doing that and that my body obviously knows when to push. He asks if I heard him. I give him a stern and irritated yes. My husband comes over and attending begins to count while resident is in the catcher position. I ignore the counting and listen to my husband who is doing just what we practiced. I push as long as I can without busting any blood vessels in my face, take a rest, push again, and relax. I feel my first baby coming down. I know that it will be cake compared to older DS. Next contraction, I again ignore attending and listen to my husband. I feel baby crowning and can't help but continue pushing and he is out. Only 10 minutes of pushing and I have a beautiful boy. I am not allowed to touch him or hold him. Then, baby nurses stand in front of him on the warmer and I can't even see him. They whisk him away to the NICU, even though he has APGARs of 8 and 9 because I am busy having twins and can't have the first baby interfering. Hospital policy they say.
Attending uses ultrasound to check Twin B. He announces that he has turned breech and says, "Prep her for c/s!” He doesn't allow DH or me to see ultrasound picture. He refuses to attempt external version. He refuses to do breech extraction, which while not great, is at least better than a major surgery. He is now ignoring me and acting quite pleased with himself. They crank up the epidural in a hurry. I ask them to lower the curtain so I can see the birth and to tell me what they are doing when the do it. They tell me that they will certainly do those things. Yet another lie! Finally, the epidural is working and they begin. They never talk to me, never lower, the curtain, do not allow photos. The epidural begins going to high and I can't swallow and am beginning to panic. I tell the anesthesiologist. Attending suggests knocking me out to avoid. Thankfully, anesthesiologist says I'll be fine. Again, nurses in front of my baby and I can't even see him.
I got one kiss on the cheek to each of them before they took them away. After second baby is ready to go, I tell my husband to go be with babies. We had already told all nurses that we were bf and didn't want any formula, bottles, or pacifiers. Both babies were perfectly healthy, but they kept them in the NICU while I was sent to ICU recovery. Stupid! I was crushed. I had a c/s, which felt like a failure. It was made worse because I knew that it was unnecessary.
NICU decided that they needed to run tests on my babies because of...yes, policy. Twin B had low blood sugar according to them and they gave him formula in a bottle without our permission. Once I recovered, I went to the mother-baby unit. I asked my nurse when I could get my babies. She said she would call and check for me. She proceeded to do a one-hour, completely incompetent, and certainly slow exam and check in procedures with me before calling. Finally, my husband followed her to the nurses' station until she called with him waiting. They said that we had to wait until four hours post-partum. I told the nurse that it was not acceptable because they were healthy, I was recovered, and I NEEDED to bf.
It was three hours and 40 minutes before I saw them. I was furious. They had them in not only separate bassinets, but separate rooms in the NICU, even though all research says that twins do better when put together. They didn't have double bassinets they said, so the boys had to sleep separately. It sucked. Bf was sooooo hard at the beginning. I ended up with cracked bleeding breasts and then thrush too. I attribute it all to bad experience in the hospital and totally unnecessary separation.
I cried every day for weeks after coming home. I don't cry all the time anymore, but still do occasionally. I will never forget the shabby treatment, the coercion, the crap. Even though I wouldn't do it, it makes the story of the lady who did her VBAC at home with no attendant sound appealing in a strange sort of way. My next birth is going to bankrupt us because I'm doing a birth center birth, but Army won't pay. More stupid given that it's proven safer and cheaper. Having a few tears now just writing this.
---------------------------------------------------