Crystal
10-21-2007, 09:27 PM
Originally posted by Mr_Rickman:
Vasectomies for Dummies….
Just had my Vasectomy done. Not that bad. There were a few things that I could have improved upon, though. And that is why I am writing this for all those nervous dads who want to have care free, no guilt, and no fear sex with their wives.
The night before: Shave!
Can you imagine the drudgery and odd feeling that the urology tech will get when they have to shave someone else’s balls? Furthermore, knowing how I did it, I seriously would not want someone else taking a razor to my balls in that manner. So, doing a good, well defined job of shaving the night before will save both you and the urology tech an uncomfortable experience prior to a very nerve racking experience with the knife.
How to Shave….
To make things simple, shave the balls, shave the shaft, and clear a nice perimeter around that coconut tree. Trim down the shrubbery as well. You don’t have to go crazy and shave everything and look like a female the next day, however, you do want to shave enough so that the techs and urologist will be guaranteed a clean work area on the balls and no stray hairs from the outlying bush will get in their way.
The ball sack can be a particular area of worry. First off, use a razor that you are very familiar with. The non-electric type of razor, that is. Once you have chosen your weapon of choice, the next task is to start cutting down the forest. For the ball sack, I found that it was particularly handy to squeeze a ball into position and then shave over it. For example, if your kids have ever played with those rubber squeeze twos that, when squeezed, have a thin piece of rubbery plastic that just bulges out at you,….this is what I am talking about you doing to your ball sack.
Take your time with this. For me, it took me three tries. The first try consisted mostly of just bush waking. I was all over the place. Most of what I concentrated on was making a perimeter and then working inward. However, after about 15 to 20 minutes of this, you might find that your nerves are starting to get the best of you.
So, as a remedy, go show your current handiwork to your wife and let her laugh WITH you on your current status.
Go back for some more shaving after having this short break. By this time, looking at the mess down there, you should be able to fine tune it to a very naked sack. You never knew before this point just how pink that thing could get. As you continue to shave, you may start to admire the beauty that has been hidden by all those hairs.
(Or, I might just be weird. If this is freaking you out about admiring the beauty etc., then we can continue on with the third step.)
Finally, take another break. You are almost there, but you need to clear you mind one last time.
Take a large towel and sit down on your favorite (or your wife’s favorite) chair with a good strong light above you. Start examining. You will find that you have missed a few small hairs. This is your chance to fine tune your work. Plus, in this sitting, reclining position (whatever is the most comfortable for you) you don’t have to worry about being an acrobat and a barber at the same time. This is the final stage in assuring that you and the techs won’t be uncomfortable prior to the surgical operation.
It’s the big day….
You know what? A few days prior to the big day…. Splurge on a new pack of underwear. For the day of the surgery, you will feel so confident while wearing the perfectly clean, never stained underwear that you would be willing to show off to any female tech who would wish to come in and observe you.
Well, we may not necessarily go that far, but you get the point. It is one less thing for your self conscience to worry about.
Relax! The techs don’t want you in any way to feel uncomfortable. If you have concerns, i.e.: don’t like needles and seriously don’t like scalpels, now would really be a good time to mention that. It let’s you know that they know that you…well, you get the point. Again, it is one less thing for your self conscience to worry about.
They may ask you if it would be alright to have an observer in the room as the procedure is taking place. This is YOUR choice. You may say “No, I don’t feel comfortable with that” or you may say “Yea sure, no problem.” As for me, I had a bit of fun with this. I was the “Yea sure, no problem” guy. I had one female come in to observe for the right nut and another one come in for the left nut. Now here’s the thing. Those females didn’t expect me to talk with them due to my nerves and the subsequent pain. I not only talked with them, but I also joked around with them. It just threw everybody off and made the procedure just a bit easier for me, especially since I so LOVE screwing with people’s minds. (Which, mind you, I am NOT doing right now.)
During the surgery, talk to your doctor. Communication is the key. How is he to know if your feeling something that your not supposed to feel if you don’t tell him? Every time that I felt a pinch or a tug, I left him know. Two of those times I was NOT supposed to feel a tug. This enabled him to correct what he was doing so that he could continue without me being as tense as I was starting to get.
Immediately after the surgery….
Hopefully you will be lucky enough to have a very caring, beautiful, and supportive wife waiting for you in the waiting area. I, on the other hand, was not so lucky. My wife was being held captive in the states while I was over here in Italy. Thankfully, all was not lost. I did have a good friend here in Italy who was also caring, extremely drop dead sexy, and supportive. But, no matter what the case may be, this person is now very important to you.
After the procedure, you are going to be coming down off of a very stressful situation. (Stressful does NOT mean painful!) You may find that through your own nerves acting against you, that you have used up a ton of sugar and your face will be as white as Casper’s.
If this woman, either by marriage or by very selective choosing, is truly caring and supportive (or if you tell her in advance) then she will be ready for you with a nice sugary treat and something to drink out of the local vending machines.
Furthermore, let her do the thinking for you now. No matter how much of a genius you may be, after going through an ordeal like this, your thought processes won’t be straight until about an hour or two later. Let her get your “Sick in Quarters” paperwork to show your boss that you can’t lift more than 10 lbs and can’t stand more than half an hour or so. Also, let her get your prescriptions for you. Let her feel sorry for you and give you as much attention as possible. This is your reward! You’ve earned this! (And, for anyone who is wondering, I will not specify as to the very nursing type of attention that I received from my very good friend. This extremely intimate detail is hereby classified as Top Secret.)
Finally, this wonderful woman that you have along is your ride home. Be kind to her. She has been kind enough to wait through your procedure, get your paperwork and get your prescriptions. DON’T complain about her driving! You are not finished with her yet…..
Once you get home….
If you are lucky, she may be silly enough to give you a bell. This bell is a wonderful thing. If, for say, that can of soda that you have been sipping on in a gentlemanly fashion has finally run dry, then you can use this bell to politely summon your wife to your side so that you may politely ask for another soda or a refill. Or, you can just yell for your woman, which ever you and she agree upon.
However, you still need her for more than just the food and drink. What about the movies and the popcorn? What about the Twizzlers and the PS2 when you get tired of the current game?
But, more importantly, you will have two incisions almost on the underside of your ball sack. After the first 24 hours, you will remove the big bulky gauze padding (and support unfortunately) and will have to apply an antibacterial cream and small round band-aids to the incisions. This is not easy to do yourself. Now, as for me, I had no choice. My very sexy drop dead gorgeous friend and I are not THAT tight. It can be done by oneself, however, it would be very helpful to have a second set of hands and a second set of eyes to do this for you.
But, other than that, keep the ice on it, stay in your favorite chair for the first 48+ hours, and let someone else take care of you for a change. After the first 48+ hours, take it easy. Sit as often as possible. Walk short distances. Get that ice whenever you can.
Oh, and as for the vasectomy procedure itself, I forgot to mention something. If you can deal with your wife taking her fingernails and pinching you in the arm, then you can take the vasectomy no problem. The only draw back is that after the doctor gives you that pinching sensation,….he won’t be kissing you.
It’s not that bad. Plan ahead. Plan mentally. And if at all possible, have your wonderful, caring, and supportive wife with you to wait on you, drive you home and care for you. She will truly be very special to you on this day. Just,…no sex for a week afterwards.
Vasectomies for Dummies….
Just had my Vasectomy done. Not that bad. There were a few things that I could have improved upon, though. And that is why I am writing this for all those nervous dads who want to have care free, no guilt, and no fear sex with their wives.
The night before: Shave!
Can you imagine the drudgery and odd feeling that the urology tech will get when they have to shave someone else’s balls? Furthermore, knowing how I did it, I seriously would not want someone else taking a razor to my balls in that manner. So, doing a good, well defined job of shaving the night before will save both you and the urology tech an uncomfortable experience prior to a very nerve racking experience with the knife.
How to Shave….
To make things simple, shave the balls, shave the shaft, and clear a nice perimeter around that coconut tree. Trim down the shrubbery as well. You don’t have to go crazy and shave everything and look like a female the next day, however, you do want to shave enough so that the techs and urologist will be guaranteed a clean work area on the balls and no stray hairs from the outlying bush will get in their way.
The ball sack can be a particular area of worry. First off, use a razor that you are very familiar with. The non-electric type of razor, that is. Once you have chosen your weapon of choice, the next task is to start cutting down the forest. For the ball sack, I found that it was particularly handy to squeeze a ball into position and then shave over it. For example, if your kids have ever played with those rubber squeeze twos that, when squeezed, have a thin piece of rubbery plastic that just bulges out at you,….this is what I am talking about you doing to your ball sack.
Take your time with this. For me, it took me three tries. The first try consisted mostly of just bush waking. I was all over the place. Most of what I concentrated on was making a perimeter and then working inward. However, after about 15 to 20 minutes of this, you might find that your nerves are starting to get the best of you.
So, as a remedy, go show your current handiwork to your wife and let her laugh WITH you on your current status.
Go back for some more shaving after having this short break. By this time, looking at the mess down there, you should be able to fine tune it to a very naked sack. You never knew before this point just how pink that thing could get. As you continue to shave, you may start to admire the beauty that has been hidden by all those hairs.
(Or, I might just be weird. If this is freaking you out about admiring the beauty etc., then we can continue on with the third step.)
Finally, take another break. You are almost there, but you need to clear you mind one last time.
Take a large towel and sit down on your favorite (or your wife’s favorite) chair with a good strong light above you. Start examining. You will find that you have missed a few small hairs. This is your chance to fine tune your work. Plus, in this sitting, reclining position (whatever is the most comfortable for you) you don’t have to worry about being an acrobat and a barber at the same time. This is the final stage in assuring that you and the techs won’t be uncomfortable prior to the surgical operation.
It’s the big day….
You know what? A few days prior to the big day…. Splurge on a new pack of underwear. For the day of the surgery, you will feel so confident while wearing the perfectly clean, never stained underwear that you would be willing to show off to any female tech who would wish to come in and observe you.
Well, we may not necessarily go that far, but you get the point. It is one less thing for your self conscience to worry about.
Relax! The techs don’t want you in any way to feel uncomfortable. If you have concerns, i.e.: don’t like needles and seriously don’t like scalpels, now would really be a good time to mention that. It let’s you know that they know that you…well, you get the point. Again, it is one less thing for your self conscience to worry about.
They may ask you if it would be alright to have an observer in the room as the procedure is taking place. This is YOUR choice. You may say “No, I don’t feel comfortable with that” or you may say “Yea sure, no problem.” As for me, I had a bit of fun with this. I was the “Yea sure, no problem” guy. I had one female come in to observe for the right nut and another one come in for the left nut. Now here’s the thing. Those females didn’t expect me to talk with them due to my nerves and the subsequent pain. I not only talked with them, but I also joked around with them. It just threw everybody off and made the procedure just a bit easier for me, especially since I so LOVE screwing with people’s minds. (Which, mind you, I am NOT doing right now.)
During the surgery, talk to your doctor. Communication is the key. How is he to know if your feeling something that your not supposed to feel if you don’t tell him? Every time that I felt a pinch or a tug, I left him know. Two of those times I was NOT supposed to feel a tug. This enabled him to correct what he was doing so that he could continue without me being as tense as I was starting to get.
Immediately after the surgery….
Hopefully you will be lucky enough to have a very caring, beautiful, and supportive wife waiting for you in the waiting area. I, on the other hand, was not so lucky. My wife was being held captive in the states while I was over here in Italy. Thankfully, all was not lost. I did have a good friend here in Italy who was also caring, extremely drop dead sexy, and supportive. But, no matter what the case may be, this person is now very important to you.
After the procedure, you are going to be coming down off of a very stressful situation. (Stressful does NOT mean painful!) You may find that through your own nerves acting against you, that you have used up a ton of sugar and your face will be as white as Casper’s.
If this woman, either by marriage or by very selective choosing, is truly caring and supportive (or if you tell her in advance) then she will be ready for you with a nice sugary treat and something to drink out of the local vending machines.
Furthermore, let her do the thinking for you now. No matter how much of a genius you may be, after going through an ordeal like this, your thought processes won’t be straight until about an hour or two later. Let her get your “Sick in Quarters” paperwork to show your boss that you can’t lift more than 10 lbs and can’t stand more than half an hour or so. Also, let her get your prescriptions for you. Let her feel sorry for you and give you as much attention as possible. This is your reward! You’ve earned this! (And, for anyone who is wondering, I will not specify as to the very nursing type of attention that I received from my very good friend. This extremely intimate detail is hereby classified as Top Secret.)
Finally, this wonderful woman that you have along is your ride home. Be kind to her. She has been kind enough to wait through your procedure, get your paperwork and get your prescriptions. DON’T complain about her driving! You are not finished with her yet…..
Once you get home….
If you are lucky, she may be silly enough to give you a bell. This bell is a wonderful thing. If, for say, that can of soda that you have been sipping on in a gentlemanly fashion has finally run dry, then you can use this bell to politely summon your wife to your side so that you may politely ask for another soda or a refill. Or, you can just yell for your woman, which ever you and she agree upon.
However, you still need her for more than just the food and drink. What about the movies and the popcorn? What about the Twizzlers and the PS2 when you get tired of the current game?
But, more importantly, you will have two incisions almost on the underside of your ball sack. After the first 24 hours, you will remove the big bulky gauze padding (and support unfortunately) and will have to apply an antibacterial cream and small round band-aids to the incisions. This is not easy to do yourself. Now, as for me, I had no choice. My very sexy drop dead gorgeous friend and I are not THAT tight. It can be done by oneself, however, it would be very helpful to have a second set of hands and a second set of eyes to do this for you.
But, other than that, keep the ice on it, stay in your favorite chair for the first 48+ hours, and let someone else take care of you for a change. After the first 48+ hours, take it easy. Sit as often as possible. Walk short distances. Get that ice whenever you can.
Oh, and as for the vasectomy procedure itself, I forgot to mention something. If you can deal with your wife taking her fingernails and pinching you in the arm, then you can take the vasectomy no problem. The only draw back is that after the doctor gives you that pinching sensation,….he won’t be kissing you.
It’s not that bad. Plan ahead. Plan mentally. And if at all possible, have your wonderful, caring, and supportive wife with you to wait on you, drive you home and care for you. She will truly be very special to you on this day. Just,…no sex for a week afterwards.