by
Danielle Griffin
On Wednesday the 27th, I went and saw my
midwife for my weekly appointment. I was 7 days past due and
thought I would have gone into labor at that point. I still felt
pretty good though, and knew it was getting closer.
When I got to the office, I saw my secondary midwife, and one of
the students. They wanted to check my cervix to see if I had made
progress from the previous week where I had been 2 cm dilated,
50% effaced, and Asher was at -1 station.
When she checked me, she informed me there had been no progress
from that point. I was ok with that, although a bit surprised. I
had been losing bloody show for about a week (I'd never heard of
anyone losing show for more than a few days) and I had been
having pretty decent crampy contractions.
She told me that my primary midwife wanted to do a Foley Catheter
induction if I hadn't made any progress. I had never actually
heard of a Foley Catheter induction (to my surprise, being that I
am a doula myself). I talked it over with her. She was aware that
I wanted to be as non invasive with this labor as possible, and I
wanted to know the details.
With a Foley Catheter, they insert a balloon into your cervix and
inflate it to about 4 cm. You walk around and the pressure of the
catheter causes you to begin dilating until you're a four, at
which point the balloon will fall out. If it didn't work, there
were no negative implications so I agreed to it.
My primary midwife had to be called into the office to do the
procedure. It was actually not nearly as uncomfortable as I
imagined it would be. She told me that she actually hadn't had a
ton of success kick starting labor with the Foley, but had heard
other midwives that swear by it.
I started getting crampy immediately. I left the office with the
orders to walk as much as I could so that the pressure would
cause dilation. I was also told that it shouldn't be in more than
six hours, and if I hadn't dilated to four after six hours to
remove it. I called my partner Jake to let him know what was
happening (he had stayed home with Eli- our first son- during my
appointment).
I drove to Home Depot to walk around and pick up a few things. I
burnt the vacuum filter earlier that day and knew if I wasn't
able to finish vacuuming I'd probably be horribly embarrassed
when everyone got to my house for the birth. I was having regular
contractions while walking around.
When I got home, I tried to wander around the house and stay
upright. I watched American Idol and tried not to pay attention
to my contractions. After a few hours, I was getting upset the
balloon hadn't come out yet, so I went on a walk to the Red Apple
about half a mile from our house and back. My contractions were
getting much crampier and I was pleased. Still the balloon hadn't
come out, so I took a shower and decided I would have a quick
nap.
Jake told me he'd wake me up at midnight and we'd see what was
going on. I was supposed to take the catheter out at 11:30. At
midnight I woke up and it came right out!!! My contractions
weren't as regular though, and I didn't want labor to go away.
Jake's best friend Tommy was sleeping in one of the rooms to keep
an eye on Eli (I wasn't ready to send him away yet), so Jake and
I took a walk to the river. There was a nice cool breeze and we
had a really good time walking together. Contractions were crampy
while we walked, but once we were back and I was sitting or lying
down, they weren't as intense. I was very surprised at how easily
I made it to four cm this time around, because with Eli I had
horrible back labor and it took a long time and a lot of very
hard contractions to get to a four.
I decided then (probably 1:30 am or so?) that regardless of
whether or not the contractions peter out, I needed to try and
sleep because I was sure to have a full day ahead of me. I fell
asleep immediately. I remember waking up to a couple
contractions, and Jake swears I moaned a couple of times in the
night. I slept all night though. Woke up at around 7 am the next
day, Feb 28th. I wasn't feeling regular contractions and I was
slightly irritated. I called my midwife and left her a message
saying that the balloon came out, I was having contractions, but
they weren't regular and so I wasn't getting too excited about
it.
I wanted Jake and Eli to sleep, so once again, I got up and
walked to Red Apple to get myself a coffee and back. As soon as I
started walking, my contractions got regular again. Jake and Eli
were up once I got back (which was surprising to me! Jake will
normally sleep as late as possible. I knew he was very excited
and antsy about our new son making his arrival soon though!).
Eli played around the house, Jake cleaned, and I tried to busy
myself with this and that. I didn't want to sit too much because
I didn't want contractions to space out. I let my doula (Megan-
also my business partner) know what was happening. It was a bit
funny and ironic, because she had told me the week prior that
Thursday was the only day I wasn't allowed to go into labor since
she wouldn't have a sitter that day!
I received a call back from my midwife in the late morning/early
afternoon. I told her my contractions were coming back, but they
weren't horribly strong yet. She told me she wanted me to call
her at 2pm regardless of what was happening, to update her. She
also highly suggested I have someone come get Eli at that time.
One of my best girlfriends, Xamara, came and picked him up (she
got pulled over on the way to our house!) I talked to my doula at
12:30 or so in the afternoon- right after Eli was picked up. I
told her we were still doing well on our own. She listened to me
moan through a couple contractions. She thought that she ought to
head over at that point since it's a little bit of a drive.
She arrived right before 2 pm. When she got to our house, I was
having a contraction in the kitchen and smelling lemon dishwasher
soap (I've been in love with the smell of lemon dishwasher soap
this entire pregnancy)!! We chatted between contractions and
tried to keep the vibe light hearted. The sun was shining through
my windows and I was in a fabulous head space to be in labor.
I called my midwife back at 2, as promised. I had told her the
contractions were more intense, but I felt I was really dealing
with them well. She listened to me vocalize through a pretty
powerful contraction and told me that she and the students would
be over at 3:30. I told her I still felt I was doing well if they
wanted to wait longer. She had a chat with my doula, and they
thought I was making good progress and that we should get the
team together.
Megan and I spent time together during contractions talking and
just all around trying not to focus fully on the sensations. When
the team arrived, I was checked. I was 5 cm dilated and 100%
effaced. She continued checking me through another contraction,
and I went from a 5 to a 6. I was very enthused to hear this! I
knew I was doing hard work, but it felt completely doable!
My
midwife suggested that Jake, Megan, and I take a walk. I was ok
taking the walk, but knew it would be a bit interesting. We live
in a business district, and it was a sunny afternoon- and here I
am moaning through contractions! We walked about forty five
minutes or so. I tried to walk through contractions, but it
didn't work for long. Megan was very amused at all of the cars
that leered while I was contracting in the middle of everything!
Once we got back to the house, I decided I wanted to take a
shower and just have Jake in the room. I think this was probably
my favorite part of the labor. I stood in the warm shower, and I
had Jake bring his guitar in. He played guitar and I sang while
the sun was shining through the bathroom window. It was very
beautiful. We sang Elderly Woman Behind a Counter in a Small
Town, Mr. Jones, and Lola. The water then started getting cold
and I had to get out. I was bummed the water was giving up
because I was really enjoying that time with Jake and it made my
contractions seem like they weren't even happening.
She checked
me again soon after that and said I was more than a 7, but not
quite an 8 (this was around 5 pm or so). I felt like this was
going so easily! The only issue we were having was that my cervix
was still posterior. I labored in the living room with the
midwives, Jake, and Megan. I still tried to keep the mood light
and joke in between contractions. It was around 8pm now. The
contractions began getting more and more difficult to cope
through. I was really getting to a point where I wanted things to
speed up.
When I was checked again (time is now foggy), I was
still about a 7. Because my cervix wasn't coming forward, Asher's
head wasn't putting even pressure on it causing it to dilate
further. My midwife held my cervix forward during a few
contractions (Yowza!), but it wouldn't stay put. My water still
hadn't broken, and I was thinking that it would be a good idea to
help it along.
I had been a 7-8 for a couple hours by then, and
transition contractions were kicking my butt. When she broke my
water, it absolutely gushed out. It was clear, no meconium
staining. Contractions were the most intense I had ever felt. I
wanted to go upstairs and labor with just Jake.
We went up and
turned on the labor music I had downloaded to our computer. I
labored on my left side for quite some time. It made the
contractions space out a bit, but they were even stronger. I was
becoming very tired, and I fell asleep between a few
contractions. It was hard, because once the contraction hit, it
would wake me up and I didn't have enough time to get on top of
it. I was alternating the ways I tried to cope to see what
worked. I banged on the bed frame with my hand while I counted, I
tried thinking of Eli and the cute things he says, nothing was
working just right. I then realized that if I pushed *just a
little bit* during my contractions, that it eased the pain
slightly.
Everyone had made it upstairs by then. I asked if it
was ok to push just a little bit. I was told to go ahead, but
don't push much if it's not time- and that I'd know when it was
time. After a bit, I was checked again and I was still a 7. I was
very irritated and disappointed. I had worked through these
extreme contractions for hours, and nothing was happening. I
remember thinking that transition was supposed to be the shortest
part, and I was angry. I needed to get off of my left side.
I
went downstairs and got into the shower. I was hitting the shower
wall rhythmically during contractions. Jake was in the shower
with me. I kept telling Jake I couldn't do it and I didn't want
to do it any longer. Jake was very strong for me, because I know
it was hard for him to watch me while I was in pain like that. He
told me I wasn't giving up and I had to keep going. He knew that
I would be angry with him if I felt he let me give up to easily.
It took me a little bit to get into the right head space and stop
disagreeing with him, but I reached deep down and found every
last piece of energy I had inside of me.
I began to fill the bath
tub with water. I thought this would be my secret weapon and
allow me to get in some good contractions but still be able to
relax slightly between them. There was not a ton of hot water
left, so Jake began boiling pots and pots of hot water. He kept
the water pretty warm for me and I am very grateful. I needed
it..
I lowered my noises which had gotten very loud and screamy.
They weren't helping me cope and I knew I needed to change that.
I oohed and rolled my head from left to right, right to left,
during contractions. I know it probably looked like they weren't
too intense from the outside, but I have honestly never felt
anything so all consuming before in my life. I did this for some
time, but I'm not certain how long. When I was checked again, I
was STILL a 7. This was around 11:30. I had been at a seven and
having transition contractions for about 6 1/2 hours. My midwife
said that although I could feel my contractions, they weren't
affecting my cervix while I was contracting (based on what she
felt during a check). She said that she felt we should transfer
to the hospital for Pitocin.
I was disappointed, but agreeable. I
couldn't handle transition contractions unmedicated any longer,
not to mention they weren't doing much of anything to my cervix.
We grabbed everything and quickly left. The hospital was very
close to our house, so we were there within a few minutes. We had
called to tell them we were coming. They were very friendly to us
when we got there. We were expecting a battle since I am a home
birth vbac transfer. I told them to please have the
anesthesiologist come to the room asap. I had to sign consent
forms and give insurance information when we first got there.
The
nurses were working quickly to get a heploc inserted into my
hand. Dr. Paul came in after we had been there maybe ten minutes
or so (he was German? maybe and his last name was hard to
pronounce, so everyone called him Dr. Paul). I asked him to give
me an epidural quickly. He said something along the lines of
wanting to give me a full spinal block for cesarean. I told him I
was planning a vbac and wasn't needing a spinal block at this
time, just an epidural. He sort of mentioned that since this is
the second time I've stalled out in labor that I'd probably end
up with a c- section anyway.
It was a bit insensitive of him,
although I understand where he was coming from. I explained to
him the importance of my trying for a vbac, and we would decide
at a later time if a c-section was necessary. He complied and
gave me my epidural. When the OB Dr. Tan arrived, he had come on
the assumption that we were here for surgery. I told him that I
needed pitocin and I wanted to labor longer. He tried to talk me
into a c-section, at which point I began my spiel again about the
importance of a vaginal birth to me. He didn't seem very
interested at first, and began to explain the reasons I ought to
have a c-section right away.
I finally talked him into letting me
labor. I asked everyone to leave the room so Jake and I could
talk. He had had a very hard time accepting the hospital transfer
and then c-section with Eli, and I wanted to make sure he was
holding up well. During that time, Dr. Tan came back and spoke
with us. He said that he only wanted to let us labor for a couple
of hours, and then if there was no cervical change, do a
cesarean. I did not consent to that, but sort of told him to
check back in a couple hours and we'd talk. I told him I felt I
needed pitocin. He said that my contractions were two minutes
apart and pitocin wouldn't be necessary. I told him they were two
minutes apart, but they weren't strong enough and I did indeed
need pitcon (I later joked with Megan that I never thought I'd be
begging an OB for pitocin!) He said he'd like to check my cervix.
His "check" took about half a second and he told me I was only a
6. I know for a fact that he didn't actually check my cervix. I
have a posterior cervix and he had small hands. He didn't have to
reach to grab it or anything, and even if it wasn't posterior, he
couldn't have possibly measured it in the time he gave himself.
He left the room.
About fifteen minutes later, he returned. It
was weird, it's like he thought about the things I had said to
him and changed his mind or something. He said to me that he'd
like to let me labor without pit for a couple of hours and
measure the intensity of my contractions (thank you! That's what
I was asking all along!) He said if they did not seem intense
enough, that he would give me pitocin around 4 am. Sounded very
fair. I fell asleep (sort of) in the next couple of hours. I
don't know if it was the nerves or being in transition, but I was
shaking like a leaf since before we had even gotten to the
hospital.
I prayed and I changed positions as best I could with
an epidural. I chatted with Megan in between cat naps. Jake went
home to get some things and to blow out candles (we had run out
in a hurry!). He got back during my nap. I was woken up at 4 am
by our new nurse who was fabulous- I believe her name was Lori.
She was up to date from Dr. Tan and wanted to check me. She said
I was a 6-7 and that we'd start pit. I was only allowed to have 8 somethings of pitocin ( I don't recall the measurement), but that
normally they can do up to 30 on people that aren't vbacs.
I
tried to nap more and keep changing positions after they gave me
the pit. The contractions were very hard and pushed on my ribs
which made them quite sore. The Dr. came back in at 6 am to check
me. He truly checked me this time because he had to reach a bit
for my cervix and it took longer than a millisecond. He said I
was still a 6-7 and he felt it was time for a cesarean. I sobbed
and sobbed. Dr. Tan became very genuine then. He looked truly
upset that I was so distressed over this. He told me he doesn't
like to see his patients cry, and that he's sorry that this is
happening.
I think we really connected at that point, and I was
glad that if I needed a c-section, that he would be doing it. Not
only that, but I'm hoping that our experience together will help
him understand his patients that desire vaginal births a little
better. I think most patients are probably not as outspoken as me
about my wants. There are so many people that don't even realize
that they have a say.
Then I spoke with the nurses who knew how
badly I wanted a vaginal birth. Through sobs I told them about my
fears from my previous cesarean. I told them about how the
curtain had been up against my face and I have some
claustrophobia and it frightened me. I told them about how, also
because of claustrophobia, that the thought of having my arms
strapped down scared me. I told them about how I can't do oxygen
masks for the same reason and to use tubes instead if that was
ok.
I remembered how my mouth went dry immediately when I got
into the OR and I wasn't allowed to have anything to drink...and
I told them how a nurse that time snuck me a wet washcloth to
suck on and could someone please do that for me? I also told them
about how my anesthesia didn't take with my first cesarean and I
could feel them cutting into me. Not only that, but everyone in
the room was chatting amongst themselves and not talking to me to
keep me calm and as happy as someone could be in that situation.
The nurses all listened and really cared and absorbed what I
said. So did the Dr. So did the Anesthesiologist. I told them
about how I'd like to play music in the OR and how I'd really
like for my doula, as well as Jake to come in. Their protocol is
to only allow one person in the room, but they made an exception
for me and allowed Megan as well.
They prepped me and we went to
surgery around 7:45. They knew how frightened I was, and they
didn't make Jake and Megan sit outside while they got me
anesthesia situated like they generally do.
Dr. Paul (the
Anesthesiologist) was very warm and caring and talked to me while
he gave me more meds. He also mentioned that he could get in
trouble for allowing them in the room while he was doing this,
but it was ok because he wanted me to be comfortable. I was
shaking very hard but trying to keep my head clear and allow it
to be a beautiful birth anyway. I could feel the cold run down my
spine every time he gave me another shot of something. He kept
pinching my stomach. I went from completely feeling it, to
feeling absolutely nothing.
I got very anxious after each shot
because of the feeling I got in my feet and legs. I didn't mind
being numb that much, but there is a strange warm feeling with
each injection that's a bit unsettling. Megan and Jake sat on
either side of me and Megan set my birth necklace on my chest and
I said a blessing.
The Doctors put in my Janis Joplin cd and
turned it up when I asked them to. When they cut into me, I was
crying and telling Megan I couldn't feel it! I had felt
everything with Eli's cesarean. When I was having a hard time
concentrating and not getting anxious, I began singing to Janis.
Megan sang with me. Jake looked into my eyes and held my hand.
The Dr's explained what was happening and were talking with us,
rather than amongst themselves. They told me we were almost there
and that he was a big one! They told me how handsome he looked
before he was out enough for me to see. I had to breathe through
the tugging when they pulled him out. I told Jake and Megan that
I was focusing on how interesting the sensations are and thinking
about them as just interesting sensations that most people wont
get to experience in their lives.
When he was out, they let Jake
cut the umbilical cord. They showed him to me over the curtain
and Megan took a picture. Jake was able to sit behind me and hold
him briefly, before he and Asher had to leave to recovery. I gave
him kisses and told him I loved him and how beautiful he was.
Jake had to leave with him while they sewed me up. I cried and
told Megan how happy I was that she was there to experience that
with me. She cried too. I kept asking if I was ok because I had a
feeling something was a bit wrong. Everyone kept telling me I was
doing fine. I did find out later that I had lost quite a bit of
blood. They had to give me medication to keep me from bleeding
further.
They took a good long time sewing me up and did a
fabulous job. I would say just about everyone in the room when we
were finished came and either gave me a hug, or held my hand and
told me what a great job I did and how beautiful Asher is.
It was
a very healing experience from my first cesarean birth. It's not
exactly the birth I was dreaming of, but given the circumstances,
I don't think it could have gone any better.
Asher immediately
knew how to nurse, and is an extremely content and handsome
little boy. I now know that it's not the way you give birth that
really matters, it's the way you feel about your birth that
matters in the long run. It's a very humbling and eye opening
lesson learned by this doula.
Holistic
Doula Services
Danielle
Griffin- Doula
(360) 391-8230
Dani@Holistic-Doula.com
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