Discouraged Mom Seeks Help

Here's the story. I'm pretty discouraged by now, so I'm not too confident that you folks can help, but let's try again.

Marguerite was born at 35 weeks, and because she was small and had bad jaundice, I was encouraged by nurses and the pediatrician to give her supplementary bottles from the start. The general practitioner to whom I switched shortly after said the same thing. So she has been taking breast & bottle ever since birth. Things went surprisingly well, considering it all, while I was at home.

When she was 3 months old, however, I had to go back to work. She was by then nursing every 3 hours during the day and sleeping through the night. I bought myself a Pump & Style (Medela) and thought pumping would improve (in fact, I had rented a pump and had been practicing for 1 month). I have my own office, so interruptions are not a problem. I pump either twice or three times a day - I try to be consistent, but sometimes it's impossible to take the time off (most days it's 3 times).

I have been at this for 3 months now. IN my lucky days I bring home no more than 4 ounces. I have tried everything: I drink tons of water, take Blessed Thistle and Marshmallow twice a day (2 tablets of BT and 1 of M twice daily), try to relax, took to the office a hot pad. I also look at pictures of the baby and try to imagine her nursing. It doesn't seem to make any difference whatsoever.

The suggestions I receive or read are stressing me out even more - for instance, I read a book that suggested that I breastfeed during the night (please - I work very hard - I need to sleep too! I can't imagine convincing a baby who has been sleeping through the night since 2 months to now start waking up to eat!!!!). Another suggestion I've had was to pump after she goes to sleep. I try to, pretty much falling asleep on the pump, and it's the most frustrating experience - for 15 minutes absolutely NOTHING comes out.

I feel that I failed somehow, and hearing everyone talk about the wonders of breastfeeding makes me feel even worse. I'm about to give up trying to increase production and just give her whatever I have. At least at home - at night and in the morning - the production doesn't appear to be too bad. My milk, however, never leaks, and I don't really feel the let down.

Are there any suggestions that would not involve starting to wake my baby up at 3 in the morning? Forgive my discouragement, but sometimes I think my body just refuses to produce milk! In fact, that's what the nurses say in the ob office - everywhere I turn, someone from the medical profession tells me to give up. (does this sound familiar?)

Incidentally, here's the only bright side to this story: Marguerite is doing great, has never had a sick day in her life, and manages somehow to avoid all the colds that her father - and even I - have caught these 6 months. But, she has been taking about 8 ounces of formula a day, plus solids. I only manage to send to the daycare 4 ounces of my own milk, and that's not enough to keep her fed.

THANKS!


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