Mom's Dictionary
A look at the "true" meanings of
some words, according to mom
 
AIRPLANE: What Mom impersonates to get a 1 year old to eat
strained peas.ALIEN: What Mom would suspect had invaded her house if she spotted a child-sized creature cleaning up after itself. BABY: 1. Dad, when he gets a cold. 2. Mom's youngest child, even if he's 42. BECAUSE: Mom's reason for having kids do things which can't be explained logically. BED & BREAKFAST: Two things the kids will never make for themselves. CARPET: Expensive floor covering used to catch spills and clean mud off shoes. CAR POOL: Complicated system of transportation where Mom always winds up going the furthest with the biggest bunch of kids who have had the most sugar. DATE: Infrequent outings with Dad where Mom can enjoy worrying about the kids in a different setting. DRINKING GLASS: Any carton or bottle left open in the fridge. DUMBWAITER: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert. EAR: A place where kids store dirt. ENERGY: Element of vitality kids always have an oversupply of until asked to do something. FABLE: A story told by a toddler when asked who broke the expensive vase. FULL NAME: What you call your child when you're mad at him. GENIUSES: Amazingly, all of Mom's kids. GUM: Adhesive for the hair. HAMPER: A wicker container with a lid, usually surrounded by, but not containing, dirty clothing. HANDI-WIPES: Pants, shirt-sleeves, drapes, etc. HINDSIGHT: What Mom experiences from changing too many diapers. "I SAID SO": Reason enough, according to Mom. JACKPOT: When all the kids stay at Grandma's for the night. JUNK: Things belonging to Dad . KISS: Magic Mom medicine. MAYBE: No. OPEN: The position of children's mouths when they eat in front of company. "OW": The first word spoken by children with older siblings. QUIET: A state of household serenity which occurs before the birth of the first child and occurs again after the last child has left for college. SCREAMING: Home P.A. system. SHOW OFF: A child who is more talented than yours. TOP BUNK: where you should never put a child wearing Superman pajamas.  UTOPIA: See "BUBBLE BATH"VACATION: Where you take the family to get away from it all, only to find it there, too. WALLS: Complete set of drawing paper for kids that comes with every room. This article in unattributed. |
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