A true story ......will I EVER get the hang
of this mom thing?
Ah father's day. The stage is set. One overly enthusiastic brand new
mom, printer's ink, a card for Grandad, a five month old boy. Yes,
you can probably write the ending. But here are
just some of the immutable laws that can be gleaned from it anyway:
1. The ink that they put on baby's feet to make the prints in the
hospital is probably not the same as the stuff that goes into your
home fax machine. (i.e. When I took Thomas home
from the hospital......his feet looked white to me.)
2. After inking his hand, your baby will not make one neat little palm
print in the center of the card like you want him to, even though you
guide his hand.
3. In fact, babies like to make fists.
4. Fist prints look like huge ink smudges, bearing no resemblance to a
tiny human hand.
5. Five month olds put their hands in their mouths.
6. Your baby will NOT look cute in an ink smudge mustache that vaguely
resembles Hitler's.
7. Babies flail their arms.
8. A fair completed person does not look good with ink smudges on her
nose and mouth.
9. Repeated, hard facial scrubbing with a "buff puff,"
apricot exfoliating scrub, and heavy astringent will make red marks on
your face that will temporarily look worse than the ink they were
trying to remove.
10. Ink does not come out of your baby's white onesie.
11. One Pampers "pop up" wipe does not remove ink.
12. Ink does not remove well from white Corian counter tops.
13. Grandmothers are not likely to be amused re: the
newest grandson with ink stained hand at family wedding in two days.
14. The only one who probably EVER would think her baby's palm print
is cute, anyway, is its own mother.
15. i.e. Grandad is not likely to care that Thomas "signed"
the card anyway.
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Breastfeeding
The
Lighter Side
