"Having a child is surely the most beautifully irrational act that two people in love can commit." - Bill Cosby

"If your baby is 'beautiful and perfect, never cries or fusses, sleeps on schedule and burps on demand, an angel all the time,' you're the grandma." - Theresa Bloomingdale

"The phrase 'working mother' is redundant." - Jane Sellman

"Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head." - Carol Burnett

"Pretty much all the honest truth telling in the world is done by children." - Oliver Wendell Holmes

"Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home." - Phyllis Diller

"I was cesarean born. You can't really tell, although whenever I leave a house, I go out through a window" - Steven Wright

"If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?" - Milton Berle