By Traci Vujicich
 1:00
a.m. - Baby cries. Get up, feed her, change diaper. Five
minutes later, change diaper again.
1:45 a.m. - Husband comes home from work. Get up to visit
and review what bills have
come in. There is a 4 cent error in the checkbook. Discuss at length.
2:30 a.m. - Go back to sleep while husband watches baby.
4:00 a.m. - Baby cries. Get up, feed her, change diaper.
6:00 a.m. - Baby cries. Get up, feed her, change diaper
again. Make coffee and stare jealously at entire
family as they sleep.
7:30 a.m. - After 10 minutes of arguing, make breakfast
for 7 year old. Start dishwasher.
7:45 a.m. - Check e-mails to maintain contact with the
real world.
8:00 a.m. - After threatening to make her leave in her
nightgown if she doesn't hurry up, leave to take
7 year old to school.
9:20 a.m. - Return home. Turn on Martha Stewart and envy
the fact that she has had a shower.
9:30 a.m. - Baby cries. Feed her, change diaper. Hold
baby for 2 hours as she is awake and wants to
play. Watch The View, and envy the fact that the
women aren't wearing milk-stained sweats.
11:20 a.m. - Husband wakes up. Give him baby while I make
his coffee and breakfast. We eat breakfast while
staring at baby. I make a point of discussing
something interesting from the newspaper so I don't lose my ability
to have an adult conversation. It goes something like this, "So
how about that Pope?"
12:30 p.m. - Leave baby with husband while I shower. Two
minutes into it, he comes
in and says, "The baby pooped." Spitting the shampoo out of
my mouth I reply, "You know where the
diaper changing table is." Three minutes later, he says,
"I think she's hungry." I exit shower. I have one shaved
leg. Feed baby, change diaper again.
2:00 p.m. - Husband leaves for work. I put screaming baby
in car seat and run
errands - cleaners, grocery store, bank. Pick up 7 year old from school.
3:30 p.m. - Return home. Take aspirin for cracking
headache.
3:35 p.m. - Baby cries. Feed her, change diaper. Hold
baby for 2 hours as she wants to play. Watch
Oprah. Eat stale pretzels and envy the fact that
she has a personal chef.
4:00 p.m. - Argue with daughter as she does her homework.
"I can't DO it!"
5:00 p.m. - Begin to make dinner. Feed cats, who stare at
me as if to say, "You are feeding me
THIS?"
6:00 p.m. - Sit down to dinner. Eat one bite. Baby cries.
Get up and feed her, change diaper. Eat cold
dinner with one hand while holding baby with the
other.
6:30 p.m. - Attempt to do dishes. Does not happen as baby
does not want to be alone.
7:30 p.m. - Baby falls asleep. Gingerly put her in
bassinet and envy the fact that she is sleeping.
Resume dishes.
8:00 p.m. - Argue with 7 year old as she takes her bath.
"I don't WANT to wash
my hair."
8:30 p.m. - 7 year old goes to sleep. Baby wakes up. Feed
baby, change diaper. Stare
at baby for 2 hours, wishing I could go to sleep.
10:30 p.m. - Baby goes to sleep. I do too.
10:35 p.m. - Phone rings. "May I speak with
Monica?" AAAGGGHHH! "You have the wrong number."
Begin entire day again tomorrow
|
Breastfeeding
The
Lighter Side
