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Vignettes of Nursing
Humor XV
Humorous nursing tales
Our first evening out after having our baby boy, I was so excited!
I decided to dress up and boost my confidence. I put on a white lace
shirt with a shawl and dress pants. The three of us, my husband, our
baby and I decided to go out for dinner then to the movies. Dinner was
great, now we had to attempt the movies.
We sat approximately in the middle of the movie theater, which turned
out to be a BIG mistake! We were the only couple with a baby. As the
movie played on, I nursed him, played with him and for a while, he
even slept. It was probably into the middle of the movie, when our
little darling decided he had enough. I was embarrassed because he
wasn't settling down and people were commenting immensely. I decided
to get out quickly, as I asked," excuse me, excuse
me," trying to get out from the middle of the theater as my
baby screamed.
Finally out of the theater, we walked around looking at the bill
boards for other movies - went to the popcorn counter and bought a
drink, the paced the hallways for a bit. We watched as other people
left from a previous show, then decided to go to the washrooms for our
last stop before we go back and continue to watch the remainder of the
show.
I sat him on the bathroom counter beside me as I started to fix my
makeup. I looked up into the mirror and my mouth hit the floor!
Through my white lace dress shirt, my right breast was playing
peek-a-boo! Hanging in the wind! I was stunned. I stared in amazement.
I was having flashbacks to where I walked and who I saw. Or who saw
me! I quickly put my breast away. I finished what I was doing and
returned to the theater, just wondering and thinking who saw the
flasher!
- Carrie
I started babysitting two little girls (2 & 4 year olds)
while breastfeeding my 4-month-old daughter. The older of the two
asked me if my boobs had holes in them. The next day she asked me when
I was going to fill them up and that I better do it fast because Giavonah (my daughter) was getting hungry.
- ReGina
My close friend has a 3-year-old daughter who is very
interested in my 4-month-old son, and always wants to hold him when I
visit. She's also mesmerized by my breastfeeding him. She usually asks
what he's drinking, can he eat anything else yet, and has he said my
name?
The other week she produced her baby who she proudly announced can say
'mummy' & 'daddy' and drinks milk, juice and beer! When I sat down
to feed my son, she patted the couch beside her, so I shuffled up and
was sitting next to her. She proceeded to hitch up her T-shirt and get
her doll into the feeding position, and for the next 15 minutes we sat
together and fed our babies. It was so cute and funny, but I kept a
straight face as I didn't want to discourage her.
Half way through, her brother gave her an ice lolly, which she
unwrapped then waved the paper at him saying, 'Would you put this in
the bin for me, Mark? I can't move cause I'm feeding my baby!'
When my oldest daughter (now 5 years old) was a newborn, I
was a nervous wreck. Breastfeeding seemed natural and went pretty
smoothly, however I was terribly paranoid about SIDS. I read
everything I could find on the subject and found that it is a good
idea to dress the baby in sleepers so as to avoid blanket suffocation.
So, one day I dutifully went out and bought warm sleepers for her.
At nighttime, I discovered I still had a dilemma. Since I was
breastfeeding, I found it easiest to sleep with Claire by my side so
that I could go back to sleep while she was nursing. However, I lived
in a colder climate and needed covers for myself. I was afraid to
cover her though, so as soon as she fell asleep after nursing, I would
scoot down on the bed so that she was positioned by my head. That way
I could pull the covers up to my chest but they wouldn't be covering
her at all, thereby avoiding the fear of suffocation.
Well, one night I woke up with a terrible shooting pain-like someone
was tearing my lips off. I opened my eyes and was startled awake to
find my little angel latched on to my upper lip!
-Kirstie
My husband and I had two wonderful, healthy boys in '89 and
'91 (whom I nursed.) We tried in vain to have more children in '93 and
were told that I had some serious fertility issues that probably
wouldn't be overcome. After years of being pro-active about my health
care, we became pregnant with our third child in 2000. Kyra Ellen was
born in September of 2000 and has been nursing like a pro from the
beginning.
My boys were 11 and 9 years old and didn't know what to expect when
the term "nursing" was used even though their father and I
explained it many times. One day when Kyra was about 2 months old, she
was crying to be fed. I was just getting out of the shower and my boys
were banging on my bathroom door shouting, "Mom, the baby's
hungry, get your boobs out here!"
As if that wasn't bad enough, as I started to nurse my daughter my
boys started singing a song they made up on their own. "Da da da
da, I'm just a milk machine, and I won't work for nobody but you... da
da da" to the tune of "Love Machine." Their laughter,
and their father's, went on for most of the feeding!
- Dawn |
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