Abigail

by Anika Hatala

After a relatively normal birth (12 hrs, no pain relief, episiotomy) I returned home from the hospital after just two days. During those two days after the birth Abigail ate nothing. I just couldn't wake her up to eat. Abigail was so sleepy. Sometimes I asked for help and the nurses helped me to wake her up. I would feed her for a minute and she would fall back to sleep. I did a lot of reading about breast feeding while I was pregnant as a bottle for my child was not an option. One of the things that I read was that new born babies often don't need to eat anything in the first few days and they are often sleepy as they recover from the traumatic experience of being born.

Despite the fact that I wasn't too worried about Abigail I did feel a bit strange that while all the other ladies were constantly feeding their babies I was not. I did try but Abigail would just not wake up. So breast feeding didn't exactly begin immediately. The day I went home, Abigail suddenly woke up crying for food and I was very happy to feed her. From that day on Abigail had no problems latching on though it would take her a long time to eat. I was starting to feel alive again after the birth and suddenly came down with a very high temperature. My breasts were full and hard like rocks... I thought this was normal. We called the hospital and they said it is most likely inflammation of the breasts and to put cabbage leaves on it. They told me not to express milk as the problem will only get worse. Well, the cabbage didn't help... I expressed anyway and had almost immediate relief (this all took place in Poland).

Then four days after the birth I suddenly got a terrible pain in my right side. My mum was constantly asking me if I felt those contractions of the womb returning back to size and I didn't feel them at all. So my mum thought that I was experiencing them now. Trouble was that they didn't come and go and this pain was much worse than the labor pains. The labor pains I could manage with the help of breathing but this pain took away all my strength and I lay on the bed and couldn't move. I had experienced the same pain when I was 3 months pregnant (only not as bad) and the doctor told me that it was caused by the position of the baby. I suspected my appendix so they checked it out but said that it was fine. Well, now there was no baby this must be serious I thought, so I told my husband to phone the doctor - I couldn't move so there was no way I was going out to see a doctor. An ambulance came and they said that it was my appendix and gave me some pain relief and took me to hospital.

I won't go into all the details at the hospital but it was a nightmare... I might as well have been in a little village hospital in Russia, the conditions were so bad. The lift didn't work, the operating table broke while I was on it and the place reeked of smoke and was so dirty. My husband was so upset and wanted to take me to Warsaw but when he called the hospitals in Warsaw they said that they were full and I was better off having the operation in Pruszkow as I would not have to wait.

The worst thing through all of this was being separated form my precious baby and not being able to feed her myself. I was devastated about this and worried that Abigail would forget how to suck a breast after having a bottle for a week. My husband's cousin, who lives in the same town as us, was still breast feeding her six month old son so as I was leaving home to go to the hospital I told my husband to phone his cousin and ask her if she would feed Abigail for me. Agnieszka very kindly agreed and so for a week she fed Abigail while I was in hospital and when I came home I could continue feeding Abigail. I pumped and expressed milk every few hours in the hospital but still my left breast was dry and the right one had only a very tiny amount of milk by the time I returned home. I drank special teas took some homeopathic pills called ricinus communis and drank a lot. After a couple of days I had enough milk so that I didn't need to supplement Abigail with a bottle anymore.

So now I could get back to life and everything would be OK. Well, for a few weeks everything was OK and the breast feeding went just fine but then one day I got the most terrible pain in my breasts and noticed that Abigail had white stuff on her tongue and cheeks. I suspected thrush and read all I could about it... I read that it is very common to get thrush after being on anti-biotics... so that was where it came from... I was on an anti- biotic drip for three days after my operation. I knew that Abigail and I both had thrush but when I took Abigail to the doctor she said that the white stuff in her mouth was normal and that I had inflammation of the breasts. I was so angry... I didn't bother talking to her any more...when I am upset it is very difficult for me to communicate in Polish and I was very upset and tired after being up nights on end with a grumpy baby. (Some of you out there for sure understand this!) I didn't bother... just went home and cried.

At my six week check-up I mentioned this all to my gynecologist who prescribed me some pills for the milk (they worked wonders and I began to feel like a dairy farm!). Looking back on it I am annoyed that he didn't try to help me out with the thrush - he said it should go away by itself... well for those of you out there who have gone through this thing you will understand that thrush is very persistent.

After reading up more about thrush the best thing to do seemed to be to use gentian violet. It worked! No more thrush in Abigail's mouth or mine and seemed like none in the breasts... now I can continue to live my life? Well, the problems are not all over yet BUT through all of this (and it is all worth it) I have a healthy, happy, heavy, hungry three and a half month old who weighs over 15lbs - from breast milk alone! Despite all the problems I know I will never regret feeding Abigail myself, and that People who go through similar trials should persevere as things will get better... it will all be worth it in the end.