Niesha, a
young mother in Arizona, was nursing her three week-old son in the
baby department of a large discount store when the manager politely
asked her to nurse in the bathroom because there were male customers
who were their with their wives.
Amy, enjoying a lunch out with her mother, discreetly nursed her
daughter under her shirt. The waiter avoided eye contact with
her and asked her mother, instead of her, for her lunch order.
Patti, a modest woman in Washington, used to nurse in public
bathrooms. She would put a lot of toilet seat covers on the seat
and nurse on the toilet completely dressed. This kind of
judgment, however, is not universal. Originally from Jamaica,
Opal compared nursing in the US to her experiences overseas: "I
remember going to Mexico when Shola was a baby and sitting on the side
of the road, nursing. I didn't cover my breast and nobody said
anything to me. Nor did anyone say anything to me in Jamaica and
St. Croix."
In a culture that encourages us to show cleavage but god forbid, our
nipples, we typically try to be as discrete as possible. Ironically this means that the less
visible we become and the more we hide the early work of mothering,
the more approval we earn. We sling blankets over our shoulders,
purchase special nursing tops, turn our backs to others, and
ultimately try to disguise what we are doing. These, of course,
may be good personal solutions, but they don't help us change the
culture.
The challenge we face is to nurse discreetly, but not invisibly.
This way, we not only meet out babies' all-important needs, but we
also help each other; that is, the more others see mothers nursing
publicly, the easier it will be for the next nursing mom.
Increase Your Confidence
Chances are, nobody will give you a hard time about nursing in
public. But just in case, here are a few things to remember to
boot your confidence.
You may start out feeling awkward and
insecure, but over time you are likely to develop confidence and
become more assertive. This is what happened with
Stephanie. A first-time mother in Pennsylvania, she practiced
nursing discreetly in front of mirrors and her husband. "I
wanted to go places and do things but was so nervous that someone
might get a glimpse of my bra as I opened it or god forbid, a flash of
skin," she recalls. Her attitude changed after a few weeks
and she became resentful and angry. "I never intended to
fully disrobe in the mall but I hated the fact that I couldn't focus
on my daughter's needs - I had to focus on whether somebody might be
seeing more than they should." Stephanie became
increasingly defiant and after a few months would actually seek out
places "That might ruffle a few feathers."
The law is on your side! In fact
over 20 states have enacted legislation to clarify that women have the
right to nurse in public without being accused of indecent exposure,
lewd behavior or obscenity. : So...if anyone suggests you
move to the bathroom to nurse, simply ask them if they'd like to eat
their meal in a toilet stall and share with them this link: Http://www.lalecheleague.org/LawMain.html
Don't feel pressured to feed your baby
expressed milk in a bottle. Not only is a pump less effective
than a baby at removing milk form the breast, but lactation works on
the principle of supply and demand. In some cases, pumping,
instead of nursing, can diminish your milk supply. Besides, if
you baby is nursing for comfort - or any other
"non-nutritional" reason, he or she doesn't want a bottle
when your warm body is right there!
If you're nurslings past the
baby-in-arms stage, he or she won't care if you're at home or in a
shopping mall. You may want to nurse ahead of time and
eventually you may be able to explain to your child that there are
places where it's ok to nurse and places where you have to wait.
But again, know that you have the legal right to breastfeed. And
international health organizations recommend nursing a child for at
least two years. So if someone gives you a hard time, gently
inform them that nurslings suckle for reasons beyond the milk.
It calms them, comforts them, and meets their emotional needs.
Humor may help. You can be pretty sure that by the time your
child starts college he or she will be off the breast. In short,
there is no reason to feel embarrassed for meeting your child's
nutritional and emotional needs.
Generally, the more comfortable you
are, the less likely others will challenge you. Remember the
words of Nina, a first-time mother in upstate New York. "I
love nursing in public and I don't put a ton of effort into hiding
it," she admits. "I'm not saying breastfeeding should
be about shock value, but I feel strongly about nursing and am proud
of it. I don't look down, I don't feel embarrassed, and I look
people right in the eye."
Remember, be discreet, but not invisible, confident but not
aggressive. Use a blanket as a cover up, if you like, but if
your baby won't tolerate warm flannel over his head, who can blame
him? Remember that nursing in public not only meets your baby's
needs, but does a public service.
Barbara L. Behrmann, PhD, is the author of The Breastfeeding
Cafe': Mothers Share the Joys, Secrets & Challenges of Nursing.
(University of Michigan Press, 2005). She is a frequent speaker
around the country and is available for talks, readings, and
conducting birthing and breastfeeding writing circles. The
mother of two formerly breastfed children, Barbara live in upstate New
York. Visit Barbara at www.breastfeedingcafe.com.
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