Why Couldn't I Feed My Own Child?

by Jennifer Higdon

I wanted to share my story of successful breastfeeding the third time around. I have three small children, four, two, and one. I breastfed all of them at some point, my third just turning one and we are still going strong.

My first baby I nursed for a week and that was it. I knew nothing about breastfeeding and thought, "I'm not doing this..." No one told me they nurse almost every hour in the very beginning! But, as she got older, I realized I had made a mistake and vowed to breastfeed my next child.

My son was born a little over two years later. We started off breastfeeding, and only ten days after his birth he was hospitalized at Children's Hospital in Washington, DC for a week. He was hooked to IV's and was in the NICU for a few days before being transferred to a regular floor. They thought he had a metabolic disorder, but we didn't find out until after my milk supply dried up that he was in the clear.

I tried to pump when he was in the hospital, but with the stress of my son being sick, recovering from a cesarean section, and caring for a two year old at home, I completely lost my supply and we were bottle feeding again. I was so distraught over this, and to this day I still tear up when I look at my son sometimes. I feel we missed out on something.

I got pregnant with my third child when my son was only five and a half months old.   I told myself I didn't care what happened this time. This baby was going to be completely breastfed. I didn't care if my breasts fell off. It was going to happen!

Maia Gianna was born on July 12, 2004, three weeks early, but weighing 6 pounds 8oz. She latched on well in recovery (my third C section) and things were going great. Then, it started again. She was losing weight, which is normal, but she was losing too much. She became jaundice, and lethargic. We were told to supplement around her two week checkup because she had not made it back up to her birth weight. I cried. Why couldn't I fed my own child?

I pumped, took galactagouges, nursed every hour, and even took domperidone for two months. For four months we supplemented. Every time we dropped the formula down a little, she stopped gaining weight. I was so distraught, but was resolved to breastfeed this child, even if it was only a little bit.

When she was almost five months old, though, it was like something clicked. She began to nurse better, longer, and drop back on her formula feedings. We began to cut back. By the time I knew it, she was down to three ounces of formula a day. Three ounces!

I got bold, and with the blessing and monitoring of my daughters doctor and my lactation consultant, we dropped all supplementation and watched...and waited.

I am happy to report that my daughter is now a happy, healthy one year old baby who weighs twenty pounds and nurses almost 15-20 times a day! She eats a bit of solid food here and there, but her true love is breastfeeding.

I feel so blessed to be able to nurture my daughter in such an intimate way, and know that I am giving her the best. I owe so much to the ladies here at Breastfeeding.com. They were there for me during the toughest times.

God Bless you all and the work you do for breastfeeding mothers around the world.