by Juana Escobedo Teixeira
I first found Breastfeeding.com a little less than a year
ago when I was searching the web for information regarding
breastfeeding. My story, retold time and time again, is basically that
I ended up formula feeding my first daughter, who was born prematurely
and was in the NICU for a week, after only a few days of trying to
breastfeed.
The reasons can be attributed simply to a lack of adequate information
and support from the hospital, the medical staff and friends. I do
come from a very pro-breastfeeding family, such that breastfeeding is
the norm in our family; however, it is so natural that neither my
mother, my sister nor sisters-in-law could give me adequate technical
tips (over the phone, since we live far from each other).
When
my child was born at just over 32 weeks after my membranes ruptured, I
barely had time to hold her, much less breastfeed her. And weighing a
mere 4 lbs. 2 oz., the neonatologist told me it was essential that she
not loose weight so she was bottle-fed a few cc's of formula that
very night.
Since she required oxygen at birth, she was taken to the NICU and
given steady doses of antibiotics as she was running fevers likely
brought on by an infection contracted after my membranes ruptured, and
I sat in the hospital for over 36 hours fighting precious time.
 As soon as I was able, I went to see my baby and I still shudder at
the memory of her frail little body, tangled in tubes and cords,
lulled by the sound of beeps and dull whirring sounds of all her
monitors. I was then allowed to hold her and breastfeed her.
"Put her to your nipple and allow her to suck for ten minutes,
then switch sides," said a young nurse. After my precious little
session, I was handed a tiny bottle of formula and instructed how to
feed that to her. And thus began the end of my breastfeeding
relationship.
Later I did receive the visit of the hospital's lactation
consultant, who upon hearing my story told me that I might as well
give up on breastfeeding because I faced an uphill battle. She brought
me a hospital-grade breast pump later and gave me instructions to use
it. I pumped each breast faithfully for ten minutes during the next
few days, and each time I would get pitiful amounts of moisture (colostrum)
and eventually a few drops of milk. And the formula feeding continued
and my child continued to thrive, despite my agonizing efforts to
breastfeed her, until eventually, when we were able to go home, she
squirmed and screamed at my breast and would only calm down with a
bottle of formula.
At no time did anyone tell me about a Supplemental Nursing System, or
about breastfeeding on demand, nonstop if necessary, or about drinking
water or even eating a bowl of oatmeal! In the end I gave up,
convinced that it was formula that was saving my child and that I had
to give up on my foolish, selfish idea of breastfeeding. After all, it
did not mean I loved my child any less.
Upon finding myself pregnant with my second child, six years later, I
swore to myself that I would be better prepared during my pregnancy in
order to not miss out on the wonderful experience of breastfeeding my
own child, not to mention the wonderful benefits that I knew human
milk contained for human babies.
I attended La Leche League meetings, read and read, and searched the
web and found this wonderful and very supportive site. In fact I
credit it and many of the wonderful "cyber pen-pals" I met,
with sticking to breastfeeding for eight months now even after a very
difficult first couple of weeks (jaundice, wrong neonatologist's
advice, sore and bleeding nipples, weight loss).
 However,
as a mother who formula-fed her first, I bristled at the strong
language against formula, its makers and even mothers who choose
formula - for whatever reason - I encountered in breastfeeder circles.
I took it literally as a personal affront by what I viewed as
"militants." In my mind, I could not reconcile the fact that
formula was necessarily a bad thing. After all, I had a healthy,
intelligent, sociable, slender and beautiful (at least to me) child
who had been nourished with specially formulated cow's milk during her
infancy. How could that be, I demanded of breastfeeding advocates. Yes
mother's milk is best, but is it really, I wondered. I also found
myself doubting my resolve when I spent sleepless nights, waking up
three to four times a night, or feeling restrained whenever my new
little baby demanded my body as a human pacifier so she could find
comfort and sleep. My formula-fed child was a perfectly programmable
baby who would feed, sleep and "poop" like clockwork. She
even had her set cuddling times and was sleeping through the night at
six weeks!
Something was wrong with this picture. Sure, I had read about the
unethical marketing practices of the multinational pharmaceuticals
like Nestle and worse about the horrible sickness and death formula
caused in poor countries. However, I reconciled, those were poor third
world countries where unsanitary conditions and poor education about
child nutrition and safety abounded. That would not happen in a modern
country like the United States.
Well, eight months later, I have slowly and very surely learned to
appreciate the true meaning of breastfeeding advocacy and to
experience with my own eyes and my heart, what the true benefits of
mother's milk are. It slowly but surely dawned on me as I have seen
my beautiful, chubby and rosey-cheeked baby girl, blossom and thrive
on my milk into a 20-pound bundle of pure energy and joy.
As I was rearranging some family files I stumbled across my eldest
daughter, Fernanda's medical records and I cringed at what I saw. I
realized that at the same age, Fernanda had been to the pediatrician
and the emergency room with raging fevers, screaming in pain and
vomiting from a series of ailments that included recurring Otitis
Media (middle ear infection), bronchitis, and diarrhea.
By contrast, Maria Luisa has had one ear infection which the doctor
discovered during a routine check-up, no high fevers, no diarrhea.
Other than her regular well-baby checkups, she has been to her
pediatrician about four times due to jaundice, a mild cold and cough
(which every one in the family caught) and recently, conjunctivitis,
which of course, she picked up from my first grader.
Most importantly, however, I have learned to appreciate the meaning of
breastfeeding advocacy. It has suddenly dawned on me that the story
about my experience with my first child could serve as a prime example
of the meaning behind the cause of breastfeeding advocacy.
Breastfeeding advocacy is precisely about preventing and sabotaging
the resolve and desire of a mother such as myself, to breastfeed her
baby. It is to ensure that women know what to expect, where and who to
turn to for information and support, and most importantly, it is to
educate the medical establishment about the benefits of breastmilk and
on their obligation to support women and their babies in this critical
task.
I now understand why it is so terrible for retailers and other
businesses to depict babies being fed from a bottle - not because the
bottle itself is necessarily bad, but because it further serves to
reinforce our culture's twisted perception that feeding a baby from
a bottle filled with formula is the norm and that a woman nourishing
her child from her breast is something to be restricted to dark
corners or musty public restrooms.
You might say, that I have finally become a breastfeeding
advocate - and a militant one at that! It is precisely
because I am a former formula-feeding mother who has now
experienced the joy of being a breastfeeding mother the second
time around
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