Dads and Breastfeeding

By Elaine

Although many of us tend to think of the breastfeeding relationship as purely a mother and child thing, dads are actually essential to a successful breastfeeding experience. There are so many different topics to discuss on the subject - dad's emotional support of breastfeeding, dad's opportunity to bond with baby, funny dad experiences related to breastfeeding, mom & dad's intimate relationship, etc.

One of the reasons often given for bottle feeding is so that dad can be a part of the experience. But there are so many other ways dad can bond with and nurture baby, that I do not feel that this is a necessary concern. A quote from La Leche League that I like says, "A father does not need to feed his baby to form a close, loving bond; however, he does need to spend time holding, loving, playing with, and just being with his baby."

To me this is so true. Dads do need to be a part of the experience, but the physical act of placing food into the baby's mouth is not an essential part of the daddy/baby relationship. Dad can sit with mom and baby during feedings, making eye contact with baby, stroking baby's skin, talking softly to baby, etc. And if the family chooses to supplement with bottles of expressed breastmilk, dad can give baby a bottle very soon, and dad can feed baby cereal and baby food within a few more months.

And a dad's support can be essential to a new nursing mom. Here is a link to a beautiful personal account called "Richer for His Love." It brought a tear to my eye just thinking of what a wonderful loving bond there is between mom, baby and dad when dad supports breastfeeding.

Some women are concerned that breastfeeding will affect their intimate relationship with their husband. And while some men are squeamish about breastmilk, other's love it! (sorry to be blunt, but it's true) A mother who is exhausted from taking care of a new baby may not feel as sexual as she or her partner would like, but this could be the case whether she breastfeeds or not. Though for some women the constant (though non-sexual) nipple stimulation of nursing does reduce their desire for sexual stimulation.

So, I do believe that each couple must reach their own compromises in dealing with their intimate relationship while baby is nursing. But it is important to remember that the baby will only nurse for a few months or years and then daddy can 'reclaim' his territory (I say this jokingly). Some men never seem to have a problem with sharing and as long as neither baby nor dad is sick, there is no reason for him to avoid his wife's breasts, though some couples do prefer to do so. This is such a personal issue. I feel that there is no right or wrong. We each must find our own 'comfort' zones.

Remember, as with most parenting issues there are no absolutes, nor right and wrong. On the Breastfeeding.com message boards, and when chatting with friends in real life, we're all sharing personal feelings and experiences so don't feel as if you have to agree with everyone, but also don't feel as if they must agree with you.

Please note, these are my thoughts and opinions only. I am not a medical expert, so please use this message as a starting point for your own information gathering quest ... and consult your own doctors for specific medical advice.