Emily's Second, First Latch

by Paula Scott

Some of my most treasured memories of my children's births are the first time they nursed at my breast. I treasure thinking of those first moments when I realized that the nurturing that only a breastfeeding mother can provide would continue even outside the womb.

But my daughter's second "first" latch-on is an even more awesome event and one that I would thank Heaven above for each time I look at her. We nearly lost our daughter and the fact that she is with us and breastfeeding continues to be a daily miracle.

My son was born via cesarean section after a long, tiring labor. I was too sick to nurse him until many hours after his birth. Our first attempt had ended in failure, as we were both too tired and I was too shaky to even hold him. He was given formula with my permission, as again I was so sick from the surgery that I felt unable to deal with him. But I kept trying to nurse him and when he latched for the first time nearly a full day after birth, I was in heaven. Although we had some problems, we continued to be a nursing couple for over seventeen months.

When Emily arrived two years later, I was confident that I could again be a nursing mom. I had reread all my breastfeeding books, sought out advice from experienced two-time moms on the ExPumping Moms email list, pulled my breast pump out of storage and stocked up on nursing pads. I was ready. This time, I delivered vaginally and Emily nursed like a pro just twenty minutes after birth. She suckled and gazed into my eyes and I was just in love with my tiny daughter.

We had a blessed five days before tragedy struck on September 11, 2001. Like everyone else, we watched the news in horror and worried about our children's futures. Two days later, we had a lot more to worry about. Emily had seemed fussy all day and around 11 p.m., I noticed that she felt warm. I asked my husband for a thermometer. Her temperature was 100.7, so we called the doctor who sent us to the emergency room. I packed her diaper bag for the first time and left with her for the hospital. I thought that we would be home in a few hours.

Well, those few hours turned into a long two-week siege as Emily first cried the entire next day, then developed apnea spells that left the on-call pediatrician worried. She transferred Emily to a regional children's hospital where her apnea spells were diagnosed as seizures which in turn were caused by her brain swelling. She was placed on a ventilator to help her breathing and we were later told they didn't expect to extubate her. And of course, she couldn't breastfeed. The neonatalogist was concerned that the swelling would reach her brain stem. If that happened, she would probably die.

The hardest thing that a parent can do is sit by a critically ill child and do nothing. I did the only thing that I knew could do as her mother I pumped milk for her. Every 3 to 4 hours, I disappeared into the breastfeeding room and pumped to keep my milk supply going so that Emily would be able to breastfeed again when she was ready. I was so grateful that I had been a member of the Pumping Moms email list while nursing my son and I put to good use all the excellent advice that I had gotten. I was happy to have the knowledge, support and wisdom of a group of exceptional mothers to help me along. Still, I worried that she would never breastfeed again and I would end up exclusively pumping for her. I knew that I would do it if I needed to, because there were a lot of moms on my list who had done so. However with a two-year-old at home, life would be a lot easier if Emily could breastfeed again.

The day that we got the diagnosis of viral encephalitis, she turned the corner and the doctors began weaning her off the ventilator. Whereas in the early days, every time we went into her room we got bad news, now each time we got good news of her progress. Two days later, she was extubated.

We weren't out of the woods yet. Next they needed to know if she would be able to handle my milk again. They inserted a tube down her nose and gave her the first feeding just a teaspoon of milk. They repeated this at 12-hour intervals. She handled it well, so now we could begin giving her a bottle. I objected as I felt that many of the nursing problems I'd had with our son had been caused by those early bottles. I wanted to nurse her but they wanted to limit her intake at first as well as make sure that she could suck at least from a bottle.

A day and a half later, I was finally given permission to nurse. I was nervous and she was sleepy from all the drugs she'd been given to keep her seizures under control. We struggled for about 20 minutes but Emily was just too sleepy. The nurse suggested that I wait about an hour and try again. This time, we tried for 45 minutes before I felt a familiar tugging at my nipple. She'd latched. She was nursing again! Hallelujah! I wept with joy. She nursed for twenty minutes before going back to sleep in my arms, sated. We were a nursing couple again at last.

We overcame a few more obstacles that day as we fought against her sleepiness. The lactation consultant suggested using a syringe of milk to entice her to latch and that helped, so we persevered. But by the end of the day, we were both exhausted from the struggle and I reluctantly accepted the nurses' offer to give her a bottle through the night. I left still wondering if I wasn't going to end up just pumping for her.

Surprise! The next morning she latched within five minutes and without the syringe. All day she got better and better. That night we were able to stay with her in a special family room in preparation for going home. We went home the next day. Emily had survived, we were a nursing couple again and when we got home, our son was there and we were a family again.

We didn't escape entirely unscathed. Emily is nine months old now and continues to be treated for seizures. She has recently been diagnosed with cerebral palsy and cortical visual impairment. She is making good progress in physical and occupational therapy. She is a very sweet and cuddly little girl, yet a fighter in every sense. Her nickname is the Divine Miss Em as she is a red head who knows what she wants. We can only hope that she will have the strength and versatility of her nick namesake. We feel truly blessed by her.