Mother Nature Didn't Give Up

By Kelly Heger

When asked by my coworkers if I was breast or bottle feeding, I always said I would "try" to breastfeed, but if it was too hard, I would feed my son formula.

The day of my son's birth was a blur of emergency and danger. I was 36 weeks pregnant and was diagnosed with H.E.L.L.P. Syndrome. My doctor (God bless her, she and the midwife are ANGELS!) decided my son had to be born immediately, and the last thing I remember before my son entered this world was being strapped down to an operating table and a mask covering my face.

After the emergency c-section, I was taken to the ICU. Thank God my son was OK. He was 5 lbs. 5 oz. (a bit tiny...), but he was healthy and didn't need specialized care. Because I was in intensive care for a day, I wasn't able to see my son. The nurses (angels, too) went down to the nursery and took Polaroids of my son and made a banner that read, "Congratulations - - It's a Boy!"

When I finally got to see Garrett, I was still woozy from the medications, but I remember running my fingers through his hair, kissing him, and telling him I love him. He is such a miracle! We ended up being in the hospital for 6 days. During that time, I tried over and over again to breastfeed my son. My milk didn't come in for over four days. The nurses (and I later found out, my husband, too) would feed him formula when he was in the nursery and when I was asleep. Every time I would try to latch him on to my breasts, he would cry. He would scrunch his little face into a grimace and turn bright red and scream until no sound came out. Why try this when he could get formula so much easier? But, I DID NOT GIVE UP!!! Most women would give up after four and a half days of well-meaning nurses manipulating my nipples and shoving them into the baby's mouth and sneaking formula when "mommy wasn't looking" and NO milk.

Once I had Garrett finally latched on perfectly and he was suckling away, when a nurse walked in and popped MY child off of MY breast, telling me that my breast was covering up his nose and he couldn't breathe. Garrett was breathing just fine, I was not blocking his airway. It made me so mad. Not all of the nurses were like that, though. Most of the nurses were very kind and helpful. They took very good care of us. On the day before we were released, a nurse gave me a small electric pump and I made a WHOLE OUNCE of milk. It took 45 minutes to get that! I wanted to run down the hallway and show off MY MILK to anyone who would listen. My husband told me that wouldn't be such a good idea. I'm glad he talked me out of that.

When we were finally able to go home, things didn't get much better. Garrett was able to nurse, but as most nursing mothers know, the first 6 weeks were the hardest!!! Sore nipples, no sleep... I would cry when my son woke up wanting to eat... AGAIN. I had some family members who were very supportive, but others who, even though I had a blanket over my shoulder covering up my son and my breast, could not even stand to be in the same room while I fed the baby. My parents came from "The Formula Generation." I was weird. Well, now Garrett is five months old. He is still breastfed, and we are a lot better at it. I wish that everyone would have the same perseverance and dedication that my son and I had. I plan to nurse him for at least a year, and who knows... we might decide that a year is not enough. My family is more relaxed and my mother even admitted that she wished she would have nursed my brother, my sister and I.

Nothing can prepare a new mother for the wonderful closeness you get from nursing your child. It's loving, it's relaxing, it's warm. It's natural. Even with a very unnatural beginning, mother nature didn't give up. And neither did I!