by Alexis Trout
 I was never a militant on breastfeeding. When I first found out I was pregnant, I
"sold" my husband, a father of two older children from a previous marriage to a
woman who didn't breastfeed, on the fact that it would be great because we wouldn't have
to wash bottles or buy formula. I promised him I'd only nurse for the 3 months I was home
on maternity leave, and after that, we'd switch to formula. My husband was fond of saying,
"No son of mine will be hanging on his mom all the time!"
At six weeks postpartum, a nurse from the lactation center at my area
hospital called me. She asked how I was doing, and besides from a little nipple soreness,
which lansinoh healed up just fine, I was doing great. Oh, I was a little tired, my son
was an every-two-hour and sometimes every-hour nurser. He was born two weeks early, and I
don't know if that means anything or not, but he just needed me more than the lactation
nurse thought he should. She told me he was just using me as a pacifier, and sure, it
doesn't bother me now, but when he's six months, I'll really mind it.
OK, I'd consider
that. The next thing she said was, "Now when do you want to make an appointment to
come in and rent a pump for when you return to work?" Ummm, I stammered around, and
finally made an appointment. Wait, this wasn't what I'd planned! But she seemed like she
knew what she was doing, and I didn't have the nerve to say no.
At two months old, the baby is still a poor sleeper. He gets me up every two hours at
night to nurse. I have become one of the living dead. My husband has grown accustomed to
waking up and seeing me at 4:00 in the morning staring at him through one bleary eye. I
think he could lactate if he'd try harder! One night, I snuck the baby in bed with me just
because I was sooooo tired. Wonder of wonders, when he's next to mama, he sleeps like a
champ! Yes, he wakes up, but only to root for a nipple, and then he goes back to sleep. As
time wears on, I'm sleeping better and better. My husband, though, well he thinks it's a
bad habit. He thinks he'll smother him. He thinks Billy should be in his own bed. But look
at that little sad face, I tell him, he needs his mama! Grumble grumble, grumble. My
husband rolls over and goes back to sleep.
Fast forward 4 1/2 months. My son is now six months old, I've been back to work for 2 1/2
months. He still uses me as a pacifier, but I don't seem to mind as much as the lactation
consultant thought I would. This pumping thing, though, it is for the birds! Carrying the
bag, pumping twice a day, filling the bottles for the sitter, and didn't I say the great
thing about breastfeeding was not using bottles?? Oh well. Luckily, I have an office job ,
so I can just shut the door.
My husband has changed his tune a little, as over the past 6 1/2 months he sees the bond
Billy and I have made. He thinks it's fascinating how in the middle of the night when the
baby cries, all I do is pull him towards me and let him nurse. Bingo, silent baby! Yes,
that's great. But ohh, mama mia, the biting. Do you have to try those choppers out on me,
son? I read somewhere to give him a toy to bite on before he nurses. Whew, what a relief,
that seems to work, so on we go, full steam ahead! (Or should I say Full Pump Ahead?)
Fast forward about 2 1/2 more months. Billy is 9 months old, it is July of 1999. He's
still nursing, and loving it. Me too. Now that he's more mobile, he crawls in to the
living room, pull himself up on the green recliner we always sit on, pounds on it and
screams when he wants mommy's boo boo's. He won't say ma ma, but he'll say boo boo. I
don't mind though, maybe that's his way of telling me he needs me.
My husband has been converted to a co-sleeping husband of a semi-militant breastfeeding
mama. When I see a woman bottle feeding a baby, I get sad for that child, thinking of the
bond that is missed between them. I am pro breastfeeding, 100 percent. I've decided not to wean
my son, but rather to let him wean himself. As far as the co-sleeping goes, the husband
who used to say, "Put him on your side, I'll smoosh him!" now gets upset at me
if I try to move our son when he's sleeping. My hubby says, "Billy LIKES to have one
arm on me when he's asleep, don't move him!" I've cut back to one pumping a day. It's
not so bad. I discovered soaking the rubber nipples in hot soapy water overnight cuts the
oil in the milk so I can scrub them clean. I tried everything from boiling them in water,
to boiling them in vinegar, to boiling them in baking soda and water, and yes, on one
occasion where I was temporarily insane, I boiled vinegar and dumped in baking soda
thinking wow, what a smart thing I'm doing, that combo will surely cut the milk scum on
those babies! Kaboom! What a mess...
So here we are. Mama and baby, enjoying a wonderful breastfeeding relationship. Billy is a
well adjusted, happy baby. He hardly ever is fussy, usually only when he's tired. He can
stand unassisted now, he eats baby food, and nurses in between. He still nurses at night,
but I think that's because he's beside me. I just can't deny that sweet little sleepy
face, with eyes closed and mouth open, head nodding back and forth looking for a boo boo.
Oh, he still bites. But only when he's feeling playful. He's learned to shake his head
side to side for "no". He claps, he plays "How big is Billy - So
big!", he is a little rascal who crawls away every time I pull out a clean diaper and
the wiper box. What a wonderful, growing and learning experience it is having a baby. My
husband I enjoy every single solitary minute of our lives with our son. We enjoy our son
so much, in fact, that we're looking forward to having another child. Oh, I'm not pregnant
yet, but we're working on that!
Thanks for the chance to tell you my story.
Alexis Trout
South Eastern Pennsylvania
USA
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