Only The Best!

by Angie Coppieters

When I gave birth to my first daughter, breastfeeding came so naturally that I couldn’t have had a better experience. Even after the three operations, and blood transfusion, my milk supply was ample and my precious baby nursed like crazy.

My second daughter blessed my life when had only spent 35 weeks growing in my womb. She was born through my abdomen and at 4 pounds and 4 ounces, was the tiniest baby I had ever actually seen. She looked very fragile, but I was that didn’t affect my instinctive feelings that come with motherhood. I felt confident to hold and care for her.

Knowing a little more about breastfeeding than I did the first time, I talked to the Lactation Consultants at the hospital in anticipation of breastfeeding a premature baby. They were very helpful and supportive but nothing could have prepared me for the fight I was about to be pushed into.

Baby Bon latched on beautifully. Her tiny jaw moved up and down rhythmically as she gently accepted my colostrum. The only problem was that I could not keep this tiny babe awake. She would latch on and the immediately fall asleep. I tried undressing her and redressing her, I talked to her, I rubbed her. She would not stay awake. I think that maybe she wanted to shut herself out of this hostile environment that was full of constant beeps and pokes.

The next step was to use the gavage tube. The pediatrician informed me that my baby would get formula as my milk had not yet come in. I informed the pediatrician that I was not planning on using formula and that I had a very close friend who birthed a beautiful baby girl 17 days before I did. I told him that she had plenty of milk and was willing to donate milk for my baby.

The pediatrician, with all his education in infant nutrition, and being leaning towards formula because of the fact that the formula company supplies freebies to the hospital, told me that the risks of using donor milk were too high and that formula was my best option. (He neglected to mention that there was also a risk that my child could have an allergic reaction to the formula, that it would affect how quickly my milk came in, that it could affect our initial bonding and that we could become dependant on formula.) I was stunned! I had assumed that it was my right as a mother to choose what I would feed my baby. I had assumed that it was my right to use donor milk. I had assumed that I could successfully breastfeed a premature baby. My premature baby. My baby.

You have to picture this scene: there was my pediatrician and I believe two nurses, (although maybe there was only one) standing over me as I sat cradling my little baby. They kept saying things like "high risk" and "AIDS" and "formula" and "we strongly advise you against this." The only formula I plan on using in many life the formulas that help in solving math equations. They tried to make me feel like I was a foolish little girl and an irresponsible mother. I didn’t let this get me down. Probably because I was still feeling the effects of the general anaesthetic and I did not yet regained control over my emotions.

I asked how soon my baby needed to eat and I was given 30 minutes. I asked how much milk I needed and then I sat down and hand-expressed like crazy. It was somewhat painful, but my hands moved instinctively as if they knew which ducts needed stimulation. It took a good minute to coax out just one drop of milk. When I was done, I took the tiny collection of milk droplets to the nurse and it was plenty enough to sustain my baby girl. I did this for three more days until my milk came in.

Lots of our stay in NICU is fuzzy. I know that Bonnilyn was given my milk strictly through gavage for at least a 24 hour period because she was so sleepy. I kept pushing for breastfeeding and Bonnie was ‘allowed’ to start out nursing, and once she fell asleep, they would top her up using the tube. I somehow managed to survive! It’s an experience that I hope other mothers don’t have to experience. It is not easy to have a baby in a place where the mother is pushed aside. I would request that someone come and wake me up when my baby was ready to be fed. This may have happened once or twice. Most of the time, I would instinctively come to life, go into the NICU and they would tell me that my baby ‘just’ woke up.

I am glad that I had the opportunity to show the staff how to properly feed a premature baby. I think that many of the nurses were just so used to mixing formula for babies whose mothers didn’t come to visit, that they assumed I would also be neglectful. I managed to stay in the hospital until my baby was released after only 11 days. I think they wanted me out of their fast because I was a thorn in their side. I was there for every feeding, even the gavage feedings. I double checked that my milk was not mixed with another mother’s milk. I made sure that my baby heard my voice and felt my touch regularly.

Once I got home, I learned about Kangaroo Care for preemies. I sent a letter to my pediatrician, to the nurses in the NICU and to the LC’s explaining the World Health Organizations stand on formula, and the importance of implementing a Kangaroo Care program for preemies.