The Struggles and Delights

by Rebecca Santelli

Hello! I am the mother of a beautiful four month old girl. We had quite a bit of trouble breastfeeding at first but now have gotten the hang of it. I wanted to share my story with you

When it came to breast milk versus formula, "Kids under 12 months eat free in our house" was the mantra my frugal banker husband chanted after determining how much formula would cost our now single income family. He of course fell in love with the concept of free refills, too. (Any man who wasn’t the 24-Hour Dairy Queen would love all those things!) Don’t get me wrong. My husband didn’t force me into breastfeeding; it was a joint decision, one I gladly welcomed understanding the myriad of benefits breast milk had to offer. In fact, even before becoming pregnant, I read many books about pregnancy and breastfeeding to be as prepared as possible. "Breastfeeding is natural and easy" read the back cover of my "Idiots Guide to Breastfeeding" book. Our Prepared Childbirth Classes taught us quite the contrary, stating breastfeeding was more of a learned skill rather than natural and easy. Nonetheless, I felt prepared to breastfeed my baby – after all, it was about time my 38D breasts would finally be put to good use! What I did not anticipate, however, were the surprises, challenges, and excitement breastfeeding would bring to our family.

The first surprise was the birth of Summer, my daughter, almost three weeks early. This premature birth brought with it the challenge of my daughter not being able to suck quite yet. Immediately upon entering the world, Summer snuggled close at my breast but no latching, sucking or breastfeeding took place. No matter how hard the nurses tried to help maneuver, squeeze, position, and then reposition my breasts and daughter, she just couldn't latch on….for over 10 hours. Finally, after many frustrating and failed attempts, Sonyia, a lactation consultant at our hospital, met with us to watch and assist with our maneuvers, squeezes, and positions. She concluded my sweet premature baby still wasn’t yet ready to latch. Sonyia finally suggested we express both breasts with a hospital-grade breast pump, insert a finger into my daughter’s mouth, and then syringe milk into her mouth with every good suck. Thus began our first phase of breastfeeding. This two-person operation was as far from natural or easy as you can imagine. My husband and I were a team of breastfeeding zombies for almost four days. It was an exhausting and grueling process, taking almost an hour for each feeding, but we were determined to get Summer to latch, suck and breastfeed. We returned to Sonyia on the fourth day of my daughter’s life. Nothing had changed - Summer still lacked the ability to breastfeed. In addition to my daughter’s problems, I had problems of my own; my flat nipples insisted on playing hide-and-seek whenever Summer tried to latch. We needed a breastfeeding miracle...

What we got was a breast shield. I had heard and read many negative things about the breast shield and was quite apprehensive about using one. Most lactation consultants are concerned about a mother’s milk supply when using a shield, but since I was expressing enough milk to feed my 300 family neighborhood, Sonyia was sure supply wasn’t an issue. When the shield was placed in my hand it looked like a miniature sombrero with four huge holes on its peak. After forty-five minutes of wearing my new sombrero, with a lot more maneuvering, squeezing, and repositioning of my breasts and Summer, we had our first breastfeeding miracle – my daughter sucked and started to sombrero-feed. Both my husband and I had tears in our eyes. Thus began phase two of breastfeeding - still not natural, still not too easy. Nevertheless, it was as close to "real" breastfeeding as we could get for the moment.

Using the breast shield had many interesting surprises I didn’t read about in any of my Breastfeeding books. No where did they describe how when your baby stopped sucking to take a breather, all the milk that pooled into the shield poured out of her mouth and all over her and the Boppy nursing pillow. I quickly discovered in order for my Boppy nursing pillow (my new beloved friend!) not to become saturated after each sombrero-feeding session, I had to slide a waterproof pad under my G sized breasts (engorgement is a lovely thing!). Summer rested her head on the waterproof pad, and then lay top of the Boppy to eat. This way whatever milk she failed to suck into her tiny mouth would soak the pad rather than the Boppy. Every feeding saturated not only the pad, but my daughter’s hair too. Furthermore, when Summer was propped up into burping position, milk would squirt out of her mouth like one of those Victorian fountains, soiling her and me. Several times I feared Summer might drown in a pool of my own milk. We had several changes of attire (costume changes as I referred to them) throughout the day. Dare I repeat…still not easy, still not natural!

Summer and I became expert shield users, but it was terribly cumbersome to sombrero-feed anywhere but in the privacy of our own home. There was no discreet way to lift up my shirt, put on the shield (have it stay on), slide the waterproof pad under my breast, and then have my daughter start her meal. If I did go out, I nursed in the back seat of my car…certainly not how I envisioned breastfeeding, but it enabled me to get out of the house every so often to maintain my sanity. Sonyia’s periodic telephone calls to check up on us and offer continual words of encouragement were also helpful. Without Sonyia’s support, (and her bi-monthly Breastfeeding Support group meetings at our hospital), my husband, and several breastfeeding friends, I would have thrown in the sombrero and given up.

I was starting to have serious doubts we were ever going to get this breastfeeding thing. Sonyia continued to remind me it could take anywhere from two to six months before a baby breastfeeds without the shield. For me, after four months of using the sombrero I knew my patience would just about be gone, so that was the time limit I set for myself. We were approaching our third month of shield using, when we had to make our first long car trip from Virginia to New Jersey. The intention was to express milk using a hand pump in the car and bottle feed Summer along the way. All hand pumping equipment was packed, Summer wanted nothing to do with any of it –we sombrero-fed at rest stops - in our favorite breastfeeding spot - the car! While we were visiting our families in New Jersey, I asked my aunt, (still breastfeeding her two and a half year old daughter - bravo, Aunt Debbie!), if she would watch me breastfeed to perhaps offer advice or helpful tips. We worked together for about thirty minutes with no luck. By then Summer was quite upset, so I comforted her, placed her back into my lap, and leaned over to grab our sombrero. Before the sombrero was in my hand, I felt a powerful tug at my breast - my daughter had latched, sucked, and started to breastfeed! Without an eyewitness, I wouldn’t have believed it! Aunt Debbie and I tried to get Summer to latch again but Summer was tired so I put the sombrero on and figured we’d try again later. At Summer’s next feeding I got six or seven amazing sucks. We continued like this at each feeding; sometimes we’d have more sucks, sometimes less. Since we were visiting family, I decided to wait until we returned to Virginia to concentrate on breastfeeding entirely without the shield. We arrived home late Monday night, so beginning early Tuesday morning we stopped using the sombrero and worked at "natural" breastfeeding throughout the day. Late Tuesday evening it occurred to me we didn’t once use the sombrero! In fact, once we stopped using it, we never looked back! We received our breastfeeding miracle and called Sonyia to share this wonderful news. Finally we had achieved the ultimate and most ex citing phase of breastfeeding – the way it was meant to be…easy and natural!

Morale of this story: if you indeed want to breastfeed and are experiencing difficulty
(1) find a great support system (lactation consultant, husband, family, and friends),
(2) trust them, trust them, trust them,
(3) practice (and pray) often and (4) keep a good sense of humor.