I’ve never felt so still, every physical change within myself, every change of emotion, each day eagerly awaiting every movement from Ayanna, wishing I could see just what she looks like at this very moment.  To see her yawn & ball up her little hands, open and close her eyes, see her smile, or better yet, to be a reason for the smile.  I could go on & on about the adoration I hold for her.  The more I think about her life, the more I believe I understand God’s unconditional love for us.

It has been 2 years and 5 months (today to be exact)since the beginning of ’us’, I had hoped since day one that we would become what we are today.  It took a flood of tears from us both, forgiveness through mistakes and immeasurable amounts of love to make it here, but we’re here.  In the past almost 7 months, my husband has been taken for quite the roller coaster ride.  I always knew he was strong, but I’m so thankful he has a God to draw strength from.  I haven’t exactly been easy on him.  I couldn’t do this without him, he has given me so much support throughout our first pregnancy.

I have only One to be thankful, God is so good to us & without knowing His loving kindness ’we’ never would’ve been possible.  Knowing His forgiveness and love despite our sinful lives, makes us, individually & as husband and wife, want only the good that He has to offer.  It is so hard to live a life unfulfilled by His touch.  There is no greater love than that showed to us by our Father.  He has shown me a better life without forcing me into rules & restrictions, but using simple love to persuade my heart into wanting the blessings He holds so readily to pour out.

I’m learning the amazing transformation that takes place when a couple prays together & for one another.  In this world of being tough, it breaks the walls we may not even know are there, walls that keep the deepest secrets & longings from the ones that love us most.  It brings us to honesty, with ourselves & with each other.  Is this really worth arguing over or was I simply offended by what was said or done?  Is this worth losing sleep over? If I wait 20 minutes will this still bother me as much?  I’m I trying to be understood or trying to force my way?  When we argue & disagree, taking the time to pray about it is what pulls us back together, it is such a strong force, what a gift we’ve been given.  I believe it’s insight to the heart of God.  A dose of reality, comfort, understanding, rest, encouragement & so many more of the essentials we all need to ’be’ living, really living.

I have been blessed far beyond what I deserve.  From friendships, my unconventional family, the family I’ve married into and our angel on the way, I am Blessed.

Its been far too long since I’ve expressed my gratitude for life.  Why do I wait so long to say thank you....

Tags: Grace Blessings Thankfulness Gratitude

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