Is that a word?  

I see so many threads about DHs being so messy--that DWs have to clean up after them and they argue about it constantly, etc.

I have the opposite problem--I am the slob in this house. In the beginning my DH said that he accepted this about me and it was something he just knew when he married me. It has gotten a LOT better. Compared to my college dorm room, man, this place is sparkling!

I have noticed lately that he is getting more pissed off about it. Maybe the honeymoon is over. We've been married almost four years. I just feel like if I don't do something that he will get more and more upset about it. He does not talk to me about it at ALL, but I can tell he gets frustrated.

Weird thing is, when I do clean up, I feel GREAT. FABULOUS. However, it's just getting the energy to get started. THen if I don't start, it piles up and gets overwhelming.

It's something that runs in our family on my mom's side. Her mother and sister were terrible clutterers. When my grandparents died, my mom had a garage sale with all the stuff in their house (new stuff from KMART, mostly handbags, turtlenecks, toilet paper, socks, etc) over three days, didn't charge more than a quarter for anything, and made over FOUR THOUSAND DOLLARS. Holy shit, right? That's serious clutter. My aunt wasn't as bad, but they had to do some hefty cleaning when she passed away as well.

 So...I'm trying to avoid that future, and trying to avoid losing the respect of my husband. It's going to be my first new year's resolution that DOESN'T have to do with my weight!  Wish me luck!!

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Normal Normal Normal!!!!

NORMAL!!!! :)

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I had my AFP test taken yesterday...now the waiting game. I know I wont' have the same problem as last pregnancy because my doctor already said the baby's head looks fine. But what if there's another problem? I have my level 2 ultrasound on January 4th.

So...the baby knows I'm stressed about this test and s/he decided to pick this day to unoquivocally let me know that s/he is in there. I feel like I'm a punching bag today! Before I have felt little flutters but you know...could be gas...could be a muscle spasm, who knows. This is KICKING big time. I think you can probably even feel it outside, I'll have to ask DH tonight.

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I guess this is just blog-worthy since i don't want to bring down the board. I'm not really down, per se, but just feeling weird about this pregnancy. Every time I go to the doctor they do an ultrasound to check for a heartbeat (I'm 14 weeks). We see it every time, no problem. Today we even heard it for a few seconds before the baby moved. Doctor said that the head looks great and the baby looks fine.

So why am I just still stuck with this feeling that things aren't okay? I just have this feeling that when they do the level 2 ultrasound on Jan 4th, something will be wrong. I have no reason for feeling this way other than the way my last pregnancy ended (baby's brain and head did not develop). I just can't get as excited about this pregnancy as I want to. I know after Jan 4th I'll feel reassured, but I feel like until then, I'm just nervous and not wanting to believe everything is okay, just in case I'm disappointed later on.

Thing I'm worried about is--what if after January 4th I STILL don't feel reassured? What if everything is just fine, everything measures fine, no obvious problems, and I still feel anxious and unconnected? I just want to be happy and excited and go out shopping for clothing and let people have a baby shower for me if they want to, etc. I want to be able to annouce my pregnancy to other people other than my close circle...I want my DH to be able to tell his work. But I just can't right now. It's weird. I'm not sad, I'm not terribly heart-pounding anxious, just blah.

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Oh man, that sucked. Emily was bouncing around on the couch as she usually does, nothing happened. Then about an hour later she started walking around and not being able to bear weight on her left leg--she'd just crouch down and hold her knee and cry. So we went to urgent care, and after three hours and four x-rays, nothing. No fracture, no displasia, no dislocation or anything. I'm thankful of that, but want to know what the heck is wrong with her!

Since we've been home she hasn't done her crouch thing but once. So now I have no idea what to do. I guess I'll just keep an eye on her for a few days and see how she does. All in all, she did great at the doctor's considering her doctor phobia. She screamed through the x-rays but who wouldn't?

Sigh....at least it's nothing bad. Still, it's hard watching her hurt.

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I have to get this out somewhere. I am so anxious about DD starting this new preschool. I like the school, it's fine, I'm just worried about her adjustment to it. Today she went for a half day and did fine, but has been tantruming on and off all afternoon. Totally unlike her, but she could just be experiencing the terrible twos. Ugh. Tomorrow she goes for the whole day and will nap there--all the kids nap in one room. She's never done that before! She's always been in her own packnplay in a room by herself.

So I'm worried about my girl. I'm worried she'll be sad at school. I'm worried she won't be able to sleep and she'll be all grumpy and messed up the rest of the day. I'm worried about the week this is going to be. I'm worried and anxious that my little girl is going to be okay in this new place. I know she will be but dammit I'm pregnant and my hormones are going crazy. All I want to do is stay home with her and not work, ever.

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But pretty happy! I would really love a day just to lie on the couch all day and eat and sleep. I would LOVE it if I could take a daily nap these days. I get so tired.

However, I'm pretty happy these days. I haven't had tremendous mood swings, and no back pain (yet). I have had pretty bad morning sickness, but I think I've learned enough from the previous two pregnancies of what to do that it's less than the last one.

Interestingly enough, the best thing I learned is to grin when you start gagging. If you flex those grinning muscles big time, like over-exaggerate a maniacal grin, it actually supresses the gag reflex. I learned that from Parents Magazine a while ago, and it works maybe 75% of the time. Most pg women I tell that to don't believe me, but it works.

Ginger does nothing for me, seabands are great but just take the edge off.  I definitely don't want to go for meds unless I can't keep anything down though.

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Take a little time to inspect your booty before you decide what to take out of the back of my van.

On Tuesday I spent a long time in my office at school getting paperwork done, while my van sat outside in the circle (technically a 20 minute parking but I was there for a couple hours--they're not terribly strict about it). I guess I left it unlocked as well, which is unlike me, but since I've been pregnant I'm so scatter-brained, so it doesn't surprise me particularly.

Anyway, I didn't use my toy bag on tuesday afternoon, stayed home with a sick Emily on Wednesday, and went to use my bag on thursday and it wasn't there. Oops...where is it? I looked at home, looked in my office. No toy bag.

So it was stolen. They actually opened the back of my van and grabbed the black duffle bag--totally ignoring the portable printer that cost us $400 that was sitting next to it. Luckily I didn't have my laptop back there also.

Here's the kicker. Not only is it full of toys, it's also full of puzzles. Those puzzles that make sounds when you put the pieces in. And it's an old enough puzzle so that just moving the bag around makes it make noise. So I'm imagining with great pleasure and irony that this thief grabs this bag and runs, all the while bumping this bag as he makes his escape, the bag is mooing and quacking and oinking. And he's thinking, crap, I should have taken the printer.

:)

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Ok I don't want to keep blogging unhappy things. Emily is very sick now with another cold. I'm hoping it'll be a short one, since she had the huge one a couple weeks ago. She's happy and smiling, so that's good.

I've been worried about my pregnancy lately. I'm only 7.5 weeks, and since I lost my last pregnancy due to anencephaly at 18 weeks, I know I'll never relax until I see that baby is okay at the level 2 ultrasound, around X-mas time.

So yesterday I felt really good. I hardly had any morning sickness at all, and all that scared me. I was so worried about "losing" my pregnancy symptoms. And then of course I feel guilty about feeling good.  sigh, seems like I can't win. When I saw the heartbeat at the ultrasound last week I was initially relieved, then a bunch of emotions ran through me, and I found myself feeling a little depressed. Now I'll have to worry for the next 30+weeks about this baby. I know it'll calm down, but something happy turned into something hormonally depressing. And of course then I feel guilty about feeling such a thing.

Anyway, I feel better this morning because I've already thrown up. And my boobs are killing me. So I guess things are okay with the bean in there for now. I'm trying to think good thoughts and pray. It's so hard.

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