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It feels silly to be worrying about this now, but as we approach the one year mark I feel sad that I may be saying goodbye to our breastfeeding connection. I almost want to get Mackenzie out of bed and snuggle with her while she is still interested.  I just think she is ready to quit soon. she only nurses a few minutes at a time and never really "asks" for it.  through all the struggles and social issues I had during this time I will miss it.   I know everyone here understands but I know I will NEVER have this time with her again.  it just sucks.  I will try my best to make it last and enjoy it while it lasts.

I have started pumping again, since summer is almost over and I will return to work in 6 short weeks.  DD is now 10 months and we have enjoyed BF but now she seems too interested in social things as well as solid foods.  she is soiling/wetting enough, growing, etc.  she has not cut any teeth (I find that strange) and my supply is WAY LOW when I pump now.  I do not want to give up (we are so close to our minimum goal of a year) but my freezer stash is almost gone and I pumped for 30 minutes and only got 1 ounce! so frustrating. I can't decide if I should try to "hole up" with the pump after every session or just call it good and go to formula. I hate the thought.  I guess I will try a few more days with my old pals the horns and see how it goes.

so just spent the holiday out of state with the inlaws.  Which means I spent most of my time in the bedroom feeding my 2 month old dd.  Cant figure out why I just couldn't drape a blanket.  It was my dh who was hesitant to have me do that.  I do not want to make them feel wierd and they are old so whatever but my dh and MIL should be educated and enlightened enough to make it easier for me.  I am not bitter with the other family members.  Not sure if I am bitter with anyone. It is just on my mind.  I will say my Grandmother in law was very curious about the whole thing and after talking with her I think I either provided an education for her or at least drew a line and let her know where I stood as far as public nursing, my goals for nursing, etc.  After that I felt her attitude was more out of innocent ignorance than just being judgemental and unsupportive.  Now for the rest of the world....

It seems my husband's family, especially my Mother in law is a bit prudish when it comes to breast feeding. she wont' even say it.  we are driving to my hubby's grandparent's  for turkey day and I am just certain it will sabotage my efforts to breast feed. on top of I am going back to work monday. I really want to continue this as long as I can. it is kind of addicting.  anyway, I am not looking forward to being locked in a room to feed or having to explain why "one bottle" won't hurt. one won't but ever bottle is one bottle and next thing I know we won't have this great bond. dramatic I know but nonetheless.